Page 5 of Austin (The K9 Files #29)

R ox slowly walked back down the stairs, opened the front porch door, and stepped outside, taking several deep breaths.

Knowing it would take a whole lot more than that to calm her stomach and to get some semblance of order back in her head, she headed over to the barn.

As soon as she stepped inside, she heard Charlie raising hell.

He always seemed to sense when she was around.

She walked over to the huge chestnut gelding, stepping into the stall to wrap her arms around his neck and to just hold him close.

He nickered softly against her hair. He’d always been the most sensitive and the most aware, the gentlest, and the most nonjudgmental of all the horses she’d fallen in love with over the years.

She would save every animal on the planet if she could, which she wouldn’t say about humans.

It seemed as if animals never hurt each other anywhere near to the extent that people did.

She hoped that remained true with Cowboy.

She knew full well the bigger wild animals in this area could have gotten the better of Cowboy, especially if he had been injured or was unconscious somewhere.

Rox knew every dog had a survival instinct that kicked in, but especially a trained War Dog.

So Cowboy would hunt for food and watering holes.

The ranch supplied both. Still, Rox worried about Cowboy being struck down, muzzled, in a trap, or down a ravine.

Then how would he get the water and the food that he needed?

If he couldn’t move, how would he defend himself?

After several long moments, she started the chores, finding peace and solace in the everyday parts of her world, something that she desperately needed to calm herself down.

In her heart, she hadn’t expected to ever really see Austin again, and yet she’d put things in motion that would bring him back to her, if at all possible.

When he had shown up, she didn’t even know what to think, didn’t know how to act.

She reverted to a self-conscious teenager all over again, a teen who wasn’t welcome to be part of the equation when it came to Austin.

It was such a horrible feeling.

Her mother had absolutely adored Austin, and her father had too.

The breakup had been devastating for the whole family, and more so because Rox didn’t have any good reason for what she’d done.

She did have a reason, but being a stupid young woman didn’t come across as a particularly good excuse, not when her father stared at her in shock, trying to take in what she’d just done.

It had taken a lot of time for Dad to ease back and to forgive her for her part in it all. Her mother had forgiven her first, but had told her that sometimes things happened and that they just needed time to work themselves out.

Her father hadn’t been anywhere near as positive about her situation, which allowed her to see part of his character, to see how he would have handled it if her mom had done that to her dad. Which, of course, didn’t make Rox feel any better, but her mom had at least been much more understanding.

The fact that the ensuing five years had gone by and that nobody suggested a divorce had helped, yet Rox lived in constant fear that it would be the next thing that came in the mail for her. Then to come home and to find Austin here, sitting at her kitchen table, had been a heart-wrenching moment.

She moved through the barn, her steps calm, easy, and steady.

She’d done this for years, decades even.

She had been born here, had grown up here, had been married here, had lived here with her husband, and then had separated here.

She stopped several times and stared out at the world around her.

After a heavy sigh, she went back to work.

No answers were to be found here. All she was really looking for—and she stopped at that because she realized that she was seeking forgiveness.

She wasn’t even sure that was attainable now, but, if she could somehow find that through Austin’s visit, as hard as it would be, it would at least allow her to move on, something that she hadn’t managed to do on her own.

Her mother never seemed to expect Rox to move on, which was another strange thing.

Her mom appeared to be waiting for Austin to come home again.

When he did, it somehow seemed as if they hadn’t missed a day.

It was the strangest feeling to see Austin here, talking with her mom and dad, as if that were the most normal thing to do.

Even her dad seemed to have thawed somewhat.

His only comment over the years was that the boy was taking his sweet time, and Rox realized, to some extent, that her father too had hoped Austin would return.

She had as well for the longest time, until she realized he had taken her at her word and had left… for good.

When she finished her chores, she walked back to Charlie, gave him another big hug, picked up the curry brush, and started working on his coat.

The one thing there wasn’t enough of was brushing these animals.

She certainly wasn’t in the state of mind to go to bed anytime soon, particularly knowing that Austin had his own room up there, just down the hall from her.

It was too close.

When they were dating, Rox used to sneak into the bunkhouse to visit Austin, to spend the night if no other ranch hands were around, and then to sneak back into her own room in the main house, knowing full well that her parents knew what was going on.

It had been sheer luck that had Austin wanting to leave town, his namesake, to spend a long leave from the navy that he had coming to him by taking a summer gig as a ranch hand.

He was waiting for his next navy assignment, and this change of pace was just what he thought he needed.

When they got married, there had been nobody happier than her mom and dad, and everybody had been absolutely sure that this would be a marriage that lasted forever.

Rox too. And it would have lasted forever if Rox hadn’t been such an idiot.

Repeating that same damn negativity over and over back then had led to Rox going to therapy on the sly because she didn’t want anybody to know.

Now that she no longer saw the shrink, Rox just kept talking to Charlie, telling him that he would go out in the fields again soon and that somebody he absolutely loved was back. Nobody knew for how long, but Austin was here now, and Charlie would surely have the benefit of Austin’s presence.

Charlie nickered several times, a slow, gentle rolling of muscles pushing air up through that long beautiful neck of his, such a comforting, cozy sound that brought back memories all over again.

Rox didn’t know when it started, but her tears started to pour, and she had no way to stop them.

She just bowed her head against Charlie’s huge back and let them fly.

It didn’t last long, but it was intense.

By the time the flood stopped, she was drained, completely exhausted, her whole body feeling the grief all over again.

Grief over what she’d done and knowing she had destroyed something precious and irreplaceable.

Now here she was, a whole lot older, a whole lot wiser, and yet, in many ways—specifically on this issue—still not stronger.

She gave Charlie a big hug, wiped her face, and whispered, “Thanks, buddy. You’re right. I did need that.”

She gave him an extra hug, then slipped out of the barn and into the darkness of the night.

She wasn’t going up to her room yet. The thought of meeting Austin in the hallway, looking like she did, was wholly unacceptable, so that wasn’t happening.

She sat quietly in the dark, as her world fell apart, just trying to observe everything going on and hoping for some closure. … Maybe that’s all she wanted.

She knew that was a lie, but, hey, if that’s what she could get, she would take it because that was something she craved. She really needed a way to move on, to move forward, to find peace, and, if that was on the table, then she would do anything she could to get it.

Just as she got up to walk back into the house and to head up to her room, she thought she heard a noise off in the distance.

She stared at the other side of the ranch, seeing the flickering lights ever-so-faintly in the distance.

She frowned, opened up the front door to the house and called out to her father.

He rumbled forward, and she motioned out into the distance.

He started swearing. “What the hell now?” he muttered. “I’m taking the boys to check this out. You go in and look after your mother.”

And, with that, he was gone, delegating Rox once again to the role of a little woman, but one with the job most precious to Jake, which was protecting her mother’s life, and yet this wasn’t a job of protection.

It could be cattle rustlers out there. It could be nothing.

It could be a fire starting off in the distance, but the bottom line was that everybody had a role in this world, and Rox’s was to keep the home fires burning, making sure her very special and precious mother was okay.

And, with that, Rox headed inside, calling out to her mother.

Austin had stepped out of the barn, after hearing the sobs inside, his heart twisting with regret, anguish, and anger.

It’s not as if he’d brought this on; that was all her.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and swore under his breath.

He’d forced himself to not contact her years ago, so hurt and devastated by everything that she’d said back then, which he recited whenever he thought of coming back to her.

Recalling her words steeled him, so he’d walked and just kept on walking.