Page 28 of Atticus Arnott's Great Adventure

‘Jaysus, Mary, and Joseph!’ Roisin exclaimed as she stared at the red colour on the wall. ‘It’s industrial cleaning you’ll be wanting today.’

‘I’m sorry about the paint, Roisin, but I know you’ll do your best,’ Mary said, and, thinking of the two-faced cow Lucinda, wondered mischievously if Roisin’s many talents might include contract killing.

‘Just as long as you know,’ Roisin sighed as she reached for a bottle of heavy-duty cleaner and tugged thick rubber gloves onto her hands. ‘It’s triple-time on a Sunday!’

In the cosy shed at the back of the garden at Shirlarth Cottage, Jake stood at Arthur’s workbench and stared at the collection of broken gnomes. Zen Master Ted was missing his head, and Serenity Sam was in pieces.

‘You’ve made a right mess of things, Uncle Arthur,’ Jake said as he took hold of Peaceful Pete and glued his arms to his torso. ‘Does Aunty Shirley know that you’ve created a gnome-sized apocalypse?’

‘Aye, very funny,’ Arthur sighed. ‘But if we can’t get them back together, Shirley will be fuming like a teapot on turbo, and I’ll be in the doghouse for weeks.’ He sat on his rocker and watched as Jake got to work.

‘I’m not sure I can do anything with Pete’s chipped nose,’ Jake said, looking puzzled as he studied the tools he’d set out for the gnome crisis .

‘Blu-Tack any good?’ Arthur asked. He produced a fluffy ball from his cardigan pocket. ‘I always keep a piece on hand for emergencies.’

‘I’ll use a blob of Polyfilla and a dab of paint.’

‘Good lad.’ Arthur nodded.

Jake assembled a pointed hat in three pieces and reached for a tube of Gorilla Glue. ‘This needs to set. Shall we call Grandad while we wait?’

‘That’s a good idea,’ Arthur replied. Knowing that Atticus had a date that day and his friend would be on edge, a few friendly words from the folks back home might settle his nerves.

‘Let’s FaceTime,’ Jake said excitedly. He pulled out his phone and, turning away from the bench, leaned close to Arthur.

Atticus answered after three rings.

‘Hola, Grandad!’ Jake called out. ‘Can you see us?’

‘Hello.’ Atticus smiled from the screen. ‘What are you two rascals up to?’

He squinted into the camera to see Arthur in his rocker, scarf and bob hat in place, while Jake, muffled into a duffle coat, stood before a shelf of broken garden gnomes.

‘It’s like an episode of The Repair Shop in Uncle Arthur’s shed,’ Jake said. ‘He’s broken lots of Aunty Shirley’s gnomes.’

Atticus began to laugh. ‘Ouch, someone’s in trouble. You must have been gnome’ing around, Arthur. Is Jake helping you gnome them back together?’

‘Aye, hilarious. Two comedians to contend with,’ Arthur grumbled. ‘We’re working hard while you’re messing around in the sun.’

‘I’m not messing around. I’ve been out with Ness, and now we’re tidying the pitch. There’s lots of dust and leaves to brush up in the morning.’

Arthur and Jake could see Atticus leaning on a broom.

‘I thought you’d be getting ready for your date,’ Arthur said.

‘Date?’ Jake looked from the screen to Arthur and back again. ‘Grandad has a date?’

‘Yep, I’ll let him explain.’

‘Well, it’s nothing to get excited about—’ Atticus began, but Jake interrupted.

‘—I left a list of online Spanish dating sites in the folder,’ Jake said. ‘I knew you’d try them out.’ He punched the air. ‘Was it “ Romance Arrugado ” or “ Amor Anejado ”?’

‘Eh?’ Arthur looked puzzled.

‘“Wrinkled Romance” or “Aged Love”,’ Jake explained.

‘Neither, actually. It’s someone who works in a café where I had breakfast.’

‘Wow, the Spanish are so cool, employing pensioners.’ Jake grinned.

Atticus laughed. ‘She’s a bit younger than me, and she’s Dutch.’

‘A kitten queen!’ Jake exclaimed.

‘What?’ Arthur and Atticus were baffled.

‘You know, like a bunny babe or a junior jewel. A much younger girlfriend.’

‘Listen, Jake,’ Atticus began, ‘she’s not a girlfriend, just someone I got talking to and who’s agreed to a meal with me. We’ll sit by the sea and have a chat. That’s all.’

‘I can’t wait to tell Dad that you have a girlfriend,’ Jake continued, ignoring Atticus’s explanation. ‘If you get married, will the wedding be in Spain?’

‘It would be better if the happy couple came back to Cumbria,’ Arthur joined in. ‘The Black Bull is a perfect venue.’

‘Aye, and you could line the garden with wedding gnomes in dapper suits, bow ties, and top hats.’ Atticus narrowed his eyes. ‘Your Shirley would enjoy decking them out with banners and bouquets.’

‘Now you’re getting into the spirit of things,’ Arthur laughed.

‘Imagine the hits it will get on Instagram,’ Jake said thoughtfully. ‘Your followers will love it.’

‘What followers?’ Atticus asked.

‘The people who see all your posts.’

‘ People ? I thought only you and Arthur saw my photos.’

‘Oh, Grandad, you need to keep up.’ Jake shook his mop of hair. ‘You have more than ten thousand followers tuning in to see where and what you are doing – The Travelling Grandad is inspiring people. You’re showing the world that age isn’t important when it comes to following a dream.’

‘ What ? All those folk know what I am doing?’

‘Yes, and they’re loving it.’

‘Bloody hell.’ Atticus looked stunned and began to rub his chin.

‘I hate to interrupt this fascinating conversation on life, love, and how to inspire sun-seeking pensioners,’ Arthur chipped in, ‘but there’s a box of broken gnomes waiting to be mended, and our Shirley is on the warpath, heading this way with my lunchtime sandwich.’

‘Aunty Shirley will go crazy if she sees what’s happened to Serenity Sam,’ Jake said. ‘We’d better go, Grandad. Let us know how your date goes and remember to post lots of photos.’ Jake reached for Peaceful Pete.

Arthur held the phone and tilted his head, then paused as he stared at his friend.

‘On a serious note,’ Arthur said, a smile crossing his face, ‘enjoy yourself and remember, you only pass this way once.’ Giving a thumbs-up, he concluded, ‘What’s meant for you won’t go past you…’