Page 8 of Artemis’ Bow (Halfling Academy #5)

“When I first got to the island, I couldn’t find any of you.

I was transported from the rock dome to the island.

I could hear people so I decided to follow the sounds, hoping I would find you guys, but my brain fogged with contentment the closer I got to the people, and I could barely remember what I was looking for.

” I bury my face in his chest as memories assault me.

“It wasn’t real, baby, but I get that you experienced it and I hurt you there. Please tell me everything.” Jayden soothes me.

“The closer I got to the bonfire, the freer I felt, and when you came up to me, I didn’t recognize you at first. You gave me this pink drink that was oddly familiar and memories flashed through my head too fast to grasp.

You kissed me and then Thad showed up, but there was something off about the interaction. You were too happy on that island.”

Jayden stiffens and his arms tighten around me.

“You started arguing with Thad and he implied that you were addicted to the pink drink even as you continued to argue that we belonged together. Thad was trying to take me to Raven and Adrian so we could get off the fucking island, but you didn’t want to go.

I finally remembered and tried to get you to come with us. ”

He runs his fingers through my hair rhythmically, never saying a word, waiting for me to finish the story. I take a deep breath and continue.

“The man who was the leader of the island tried to convince me to stay, saying the war with the gods wouldn’t touch the island and we didn’t have to worry about saving the world anymore.

We could be content. The problem was that I remembered everything and Nereus told me that this is my fate and no one else.

I didn’t have the luxury to stay out of it. I had to go.”

“I didn’t leave with you in this alternate reality, did I?” Jayden whispers.

“No, you were torn between me and a stupid plant. The fact that you hesitated and looked back was probably the thing that broke me the most, Jayden. You had to think about it rather than running into danger headfirst like usual. That should have been the first clue that something wasn’t right.”

“Why did you say I would hate you?” he asks. “Nothing you just said makes me feel any differently than I always have for you.”

“I left you, Jayden. I chose the world over you. I would hate me too. I was justifiably angry with you, and I don’t think that fear and anger have completely gone away.

It all feels like a terrible omen of what’s to come.

What if Nereus knows something about these final battles?

What if I have to make a choice between you and the world again? ”

“Then you do what needs to be done. What you experienced on that island was terrible and I have half a mind to find Nereus and stab him for using me and that sick test of his, but I couldn’t hate you for the impossible choice you had to make. You did and will always do the right thing.”

“I don’t know if I can make that choice again, Jayden. I don’t want to.” I cry. “I’m so tired of having to make the tough decisions. When will I just be able to go back to normal?”

“I know, baby. There’s too much pressure on you to always do what’s expected.

I’m sure it feels like you have no choices, but you do.

You have the choice to buckle under the pressure or stand in the face of it, and every day I am proud of the choice you make to meet this fate head-on. ” He rocks me side to side.

“My subconscious won’t let me have peace. Constantly reminding me not to get too close or it will make the choice that much harder when I inevitably have to choose. The nightmares might be the worst, though.” I bury my face in his chest.

“Are you sure it’s your subconscious and not one of the gods tormenting you?” Jayden asks.

“Which god? Why would they start psychological warfare now?” I ask, sitting up straighter.

“From what I understand, the god of choices is a pain in the ass. It might not even be psychological warfare.” Jayden rubs my back.

“You think Janus, the god of choices, is in my head? If that’s the case, he must be on Hera’s side because he’s tormenting me daily,” I mutter.

“It’s going to be okay. I don’t think it will come down to what you’re thinking. Nereus is an asshole for doing this to you, but he wanted you to be prepared for anything.”

“If it’s Janus doing this and it’s not all in my head, that means there will really be a choice to make, Jayden. How do I make that kind of choice?” I swipe at the tears running down my cheeks.

“How about we leave that in the future. Let’s not borrow problems when we have enough of our own right now,” Jayden says.

He’s not wrong, but I can’t help but worry about this. Whether it’s Janus or my subconscious, the memories and the pain won’t go away. Fortunately for me, Jayden doesn’t give up easily.

How many times has he proven that he wants me? How many times has he shown that he won’t give up on me? Guilt gnaws at my belly as I remember just leaving him behind on that island.

I’m the asshole. I gave up on him in that moment when he would never give up on me.

“How can you even look at me right now after what I told you?” I ask, glancing away.

Jayden places his finger under my chin and tilts my head, giving me no choice but to look him in the eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.

What you did on that island was selfless.

Even if you think it hurt me. That wasn’t me and you did what you had to do to get back to me.

Your guilt is misplaced and unnecessary. ”

“You have never and will never give up on me and that’s exactly what I did on the island. Even if you don’t hate me, I hate myself right now for not realizing what I did. It’s unforgiveable.” I shake my head.

“Beth,” Jayden growls. “Don’t tell me how I should feel. I love you and always will. In case you forgot, we’re gods now. I’m a lot harder to kill.”

We are harder to kill but not impossible. If I lost Jayden, I would lose myself and everything would be destroyed.