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Agafon and my family are in charge of planning the whole wedding, but with less than three weeks to go, there are certain responsibilities I have that I need to address. These include hair, makeup, and finalizing my dress—things no one else can take off my plate.
One morning, I wake up with a fluttering heart.
It has been this way, my heart fluttering with anxiety, since I agreed to marry Agafon.
The fact is that I’m in over my head, though no one knows it.
Keeping the truth from my family is even harder than I thought, but there’s no way I can march in there and tell them that I’m not marrying a stranger.
I’m marrying someone worse.
Nikandr’s older brother.
Of course, I’m a nervous wreck.
Nikandr and I had kept our relationship under wraps when we were dating in college. Our secret romance—mostly kept secret from my family—ended rather abruptly, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth to this day.
I can only imagine how Nikandr feels about this. In the back of my mind, I’m curious to see how he would react to seeing me as his sister-in-law. It's not that he loves me—nothing like that.
But because of how much he hates me.
God, I think to myself as I turn over in bed, clutching a pillow to my body and willing my racing heart to calm. I haven’t seen Nikandr since I left for my travels, and haven’t heard from him since.
And now, to have his brother knocking on my door for my hand in marriage is the strangest turn of events.
But I know my family owes Agafon for supporting us after Mark killed Charlie Letvin.
The truth is, Agafon sees this marriage as a way to solidify his position by tapping into my family’s power. That’s fine by me.
But still, I’m nervous as hell. What exactly could married life look like for Agafon Letvin, Nikandr’s brother? I imagine it's not one full of love.
It’s fine, I tell myself as I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. Think of it as a job. A role.
Just then, I hear a knock on my door. “Come in!” I answer cheerily as I sit up in bed, knowing that when I act anything less, my family begins to worry.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Sofia walks in with a tray of breakfast, which she lays down on the table beside my bed. I instantly grab the coffee and take a sip.
“Mmm,” I moan, closing my eyes.
“How have you beeeeen?” she asks in that sing-song voice of hers, the one I know she uses when prying for information.
“Good, good. And you? How come you’re here?”
“I missed you, and the kids are away at a weekend camp.” She takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Natalia and I were wondering if you needed any help with… You know… all that wedding stuff.”
All that wedding stuff. Anytime anyone mentions it, it sounds like a disease. Over and over, my cousins keep checking in, asking if I’ve changed my mind, half expecting and half hoping I would.
But I didn’t have a choice when I agreed to marry Agafon, did I?
I royally messed up, and everyone thinks I don’t know that.
But of course I do. I’m a nervous wreck.
When I said I wanted responsibility, I thought I’d be looking over some operations or digging through paperwork.
I thought I’d ask for a desk in any of their offices.
I didn’t know I’d be walking down the aisle in the name of responsibility.
But I stood there, outside Nikolai’s office, listening to them roar at each other in anger.
I knew what my cousins, my family, were capable of when it came to protecting their own.
They would never have agreed to barter me off in marriage, and, in turn, their alliance with the Letvins would have fallen apart.
When an alliance falls apart in our world, it’s usually succeeded by a bloodbath. I couldn’t bear to think of it—one of my own getting hurt, all because I can’t marry a man to save them.
So, of course, this responsibility falls on me. I will marry Agafon, and to avoid worrying others, I will pretend that all is well with me.
I’m so lost in my thoughts, and Sofia notices. I feel her squeeze my hand again. “Beth, remember what I said,” I hear her say softly, and I snap my eyes to her. “If you change your mind—”
“I won't.” I break into a smile. “This is for the best. The alliance is too important.”
“Your happiness is important too, Lili.”
I shrug, looking away. What's happiness compared to preventing a war between families? What's my comfort compared to keeping us all safe?
Sofia sighs and pulls back her hand. “Well, if you’re sure…”
“I am,” I say firmly, meeting her gaze with confidence.
“Okay,” she says, but there’s still a hint of disbelief in her voice. “Well, we’re here. Anything you need help with?”
“Honestly?” I wince. “I haven’t even started hunting for a dress.”
She pales and shakes her head as she squeals. “We have less than three weeks!”
“I know,” I moan. “We’d better go shopping.”
“This coming week. I’m calling all the boutiques, and I’ll have them keep out their best selection for emergency orders.”
So, that’s settled.
***
That night, over dinner, it’s the same old story on repeat.
“It's not too late to back out.” Nikolai refills my glass just after I tell him my plans for the coming week. We’re going dress hunting , I’d told him cheerfully, expecting he’d act half-excited. Instead, he made an expression of pure pain.
“The wedding will go on as planned,” I say with a smile, lifting the wine to my lips.
Around us, the rest of the family is clearly eavesdropping. “I saw your face when you agreed to it. You looked like someone who'd been sentenced to prison,” Artyom adds.
“Dramatic as always.” I rise off the sofa and smack him on the arm playfully. “This marriage makes sense. It’s for the alliance.”
“But we’re more powerful than he is,” Dima insists. “We can handle him.”
I level a look at Dima. “I'm not naive. I know what I'm getting into. Besides, why should we even start a war? It’s not like I have someone else to marry.”
“You might, someday,” Natalia says softly. “Find someone better.”
I shrug. “Or I might find a brute.”
“Agafon is a brute,” Sofia’s husband, Vladimir, states flatly.
I try hard not to roll my eyes at my cousin-in-law, but of course, Dima notices.
His eyes narrow. “Agafon Letvin isn't known for his warmth. He's seventeen years your senior and hasn't had a relationship last longer than a weekend.”
“I'm not marrying him for his sparkling personality.” I force a smile. “Besides, it was my idea. Now, drop it.”
There’s a sharpness in my tone that makes them all back off. Nikolai studies me for a long moment, then nods. “Your choice. But the offer stands if you change your mind.”
I won't. I can't. I give him a smile and shake my head.
For now, I got what I wanted. Silence on the matter.
The truth is, whenever one of them says that I “don’t have to do this,” I weaken. I start hoping, imagining that there’s another way. Of course I don’t want to do this, and I would take the first opportunity to escape this arrangement.
But there is no choice. This is what Agafon wants in exchange for maintaining our alliance.
I’ve watched my brothers and sisters build unions to strengthen our family’s position in the underworld.
And now, this is the only way I know how to protect them and thank them for all the sacrifices they’ve made for me.
***
The next week, we’re shopping for my dress. There’s only so long I can put this off, and now, the wedding is two weeks away.
God. Two weeks.
I’m constantly on edge, always nervous.
“What about this one?” Natalia holds up a dress with a million crystals.
“I'd look like a chandelier.” I wince as I look at it.
“A gorgeous chandelier,” Anoushka chimes in from the corner where she's texting someone—probably Nikolai.
Sofia emerges from the back room with yet another white gown draped over her arms. “Try this one. It's got structure but still showcases your curves.”
I take the dress and disappear behind the curtain. As I slip it on, I think about Agafon. Does he care what I wear? Has he given a single thought to this wedding beyond the political advantages?
The dress slides over my hips, hugs my waist high up before flowing out in grace. I need help with the zipper, so I call Sofia in.
“Oh,” she breathes when the dress is fully on. “Lili, this is it.”
I turn to the mirror and almost don't recognize myself. The dress emphasizes my figure without apology—my full breasts, my rounded hips.
“Agafon won't know what hit him,” Natalia says as I step out to show the others.
I smile despite myself. “Good. I want him off-balance.”
“Are you nervous?” Anoushka asks, finally looking up from her phone. “About how he’s going to be? How his family might be?”
The question catches me off guard. My cheeks heat as three pairs of eyes fix on me.
“Not exactly,” I say finally. None of them know about Nikandr—no one does. That summer three years ago was a secret I buried when I left for my adventure and went off the grid. When I entered what my family politely calls my “anonymous phase.”
My sisters exchange looks, and I know that if I don’t stop them now, they’ll tell me once more that I can back out of this arrangement.
“But I'll manage,” I say smoothly, and walk back into the dressing room to change.
***
The day arrives with ruthless speed. How did a month go by so quickly? Days felt like seconds, and I feel like my heart is constantly roaring in my chest.
I’m trying not to tremble as Sofia arranges my veil. Natalia applies another coat of mascara to my lashes. Anoushka and Lara argue over where they kept my grandmother's pearl bracelet.
My hands won't stop shaking when Lara finds it and puts it on.
“I wish my brothers were here,” I say suddenly, out of nowhere.
The room goes quiet.
“Hey,” Sofia says, squeezing my shoulder. “We're here. All your cousins are here, and we're going to stand by your side the whole time—now and even…after.”
“That's right,” Natalia nods firmly. “Family sticks together.”