Page 3 of And Everything In Between (Love By Any Means #3)

Friday

The waiting room at the prison was too bright.

Too clean. That kind of clean that didn’t feel sterile, but sad.

This place was depressing, and the thought crossed her mind every time she came.

She would never get used to it. It was why she didn’t come as often as she could.

Besides the drive being three hours, she hated how she felt coming in. .. and how she felt leaving.

The gray floors, metal chairs, and poor-ass vending machine with knock-off chips and snacks irritated her. The whole process pissed her off, the pat-downs, the stares, the little indignities you had to swallow just to see somebody you loved in a cage. Today was no different.

“Next time I’m charging your ass. You be taking your sweet precious time with me,” Paige joked quietly as Wanda, her favorite CO, grinned and frisked her slowly.

“Girl, please I’ve felt up finer bitches than you,” Wanda shot back laughing under her breath, trying not to get caught being friendly. For a second, it almost felt normal. She’d miss Wanda, in a strange way. But not enough to keep coming back.

Paige found her seat and crossed her ankles tightly.

The CO called for the three o’clock group visit, but she was still stuck on the fact that she had made the trip.

She wasn’t supposed to be here. Not today.

Not anymore. But closure had a pull. It could convince you of anything, even something you knew damn well was full of delusion.

No one was owed anything. But she was too damn tired of carrying unfinished business and baggage.

This wasn’t who she was. Paige Bishop didn’t drag dead weight.

She cut through everyone else’s bullshit.

It was her favorite quality. Her strength.

As the doors creaked open, she knew it was time she cut through her own.

And there he was. Same black-and-white jumpsuit she’d grown to know. Same half-smile, he wasn’t happy about her actions and movements. His disappointment was written all over his stress-beaten face.

Joshua Tomlin, also known as JT, carried the weight of his choices in his face, frown lines, gray hairs, and bags under his eyes.

The pedestal she’d placed him on was finally crumbling under its own lies.

But he was still fine. Paige wouldn’t deny that.

The Boosie fade, the soft eyes framed by those ridiculous lashes, he still looked like the type of man you’d risk a little common sense for.

He wasn’t in for any kingpin business. No cartel affiliations, no Scarface narrative. Just aggravated robbery and possession, enough to bury him under a long sentence.

Still, she’d loved him the only way she knew how, quietly, fiercely, and from a distance that kept her life intact.

“Damn, P. You still fine as a muthafucka,” he said, sliding into the seat across from her like no time had passed. “I was startin’ to think you forgot about me.”

“Nah,” she murmured, resting her arms on the table. “I didn’t forget.”

“Well, you sure moving like you forgot.” A cocky grin was plastered on his face. “Dodging my calls, hanging up on me... What’s up with that?”

JT wasn’t stupid. He knew this bid had been hard on her, especially for a man she had no romantic involvement with before the system snatched him up.

A man who, even behind bars, had a roster of women waiting to send him money, come visit and do all the things she refused to do.

If he was honest, he was surprised she lasted as long as she did.

There was a time she had clung to it. JT embodied her comfort zone, her motivation to smile, her reason to rush home and wait for the phone to ring, his lazy drawl leaking through the receiver.

He became her security blanket, stitched together with late-night collect calls, sweet nothings, and promises sent through the mail.

Vacations. Diamonds. Dreams. More than anything, he promised to make her happiness his mission the minute he got out.

Jail talk was a hell of a drug. And maybe, for a while, she’d been high off it too.

She knew how it looked now, crazy, sad, desperate, like she didn’t have better options.

But that wasn’t who she was. Paige was a lover.

A fixer. And unless you had ever loved someone behind bars, no one could judge her.

Because unless you lived it, you didn’t understand it.

There was a strange peace in loving someone at a distance.

No expectations.

No daily obligations.

No mess.

Just love, safe behind structure.

“So, you good? How’s your pops?” the question was casual, but she caught the way his eyes flickered, searching for an opening an inkling that he still had a chance to convince her he needed her.

“He’s... managing,” she said, uninterested in the small talk. “Dialysis three times a week. I’m doing what I can.”

“How’s work? Employee of the month. Seen that shit in the paper.”

He grinned, and so did she. She almost forgot why she was there. The visit didn’t feel final, but she wasn’t going to forget why she was there.

“Yeah. Promotion’s coming soon.”

A quiet whistle slipped through his teeth. “That’s what I’m talkin’ about. My baby out here elevating.”

“I’m not your baby, JT. You gotta hear me this time. That’s why I’m here.”

“Paige, you always gon’ be something to me. Fuck what you on.”

And he meant it. She could see it in the way he sat up a little straighter, the way his chest puffed out a little.

She could say what she wanted, but he’d held his own for her and about her.

He hadn’t missed a birthday or holiday. The gifts came on time with his love in them, and what he could help with, he did.

He had a right to know why now and why their dreams were ending.

He thought that was enough. And maybe once upon a time, it had been.

But not anymore. JT would never understand that.

And she didn’t expect him too because if the shoe was on the other foot, he wouldn’t be doing this for her.

She needed more than his promises. More than familiar arms that never showed up when she needed them most. More than the idea of a man, framed behind glass.

“I’m done with this, JT.”

“Done?” he repeated, leaning in. “P, we’ve been through too much. You held me down when nobody else did. You know I got love for you. Why you doing this?”

“I know,” she whispered. “But love ain’t enough. If love is for me, it needs to be free enough to help me, hold me, take shit off my plate... not add to it.”

He opened his mouth. Closed it. Because what could he say? She was right.

That their love was a wild ass dream they had to wake up from one day, sooner rather than later.

“You gave me something I needed at the time.” Her voice trembled as she spoke. “You made me feel wanted. Safe, even. But I need a love that’s consistent, stable and with me in the trenches.”

His jaw tensed. That flash of frustration he always tried to hide sparked across his face.

“You really done?” The question hung between them.

“I want more. Or nothing. And you can’t give me more. Not from in here.”

“I still love you,” he said finally. “I’m always going to love you. Please, pause for me ba- I mean Paige. Give me some more time to figure shit out. You know I’m tryna get outta this bitch.”

Paige smiled because she wasn’t falling for that line anymore. Love was an action word, and she needed to see it in real time. “If you love me, wish me well and mean it. Stop calling. Stop the letters and the emails.”

The buzzer sounded, forcing them into a silent stare off. Both searching the eyes of the other. Both of them wished it didn’t have to be like this. But both were also clear that they’d reached the end of their beautiful out-of-the-box story.

“Visitors, please stand and step back.”

She stood slowly, adjusting her shirt, and looked at him one last time. Not with pity. Not with pain. But with peace. She wanted to say something to reiterate what she needed from him moving forward, but his words stopped hers.

“I can’t do it, Paige. You know that.”

She nodded once, understanding that it would always be on her to ensure this goodbye stayed final. He’d still call. He’d still send letters. He’d still be wondering if she was okay. Waiting for her to come back. But Paige knew she wouldn’t.

“Goodbye.”

She didn’t wait for him to respond. She didn’t need to.

This goodbye wasn’t for him. It was for the part of her that settled.

The part that confused crumbs with commitment.

Even put her plans on hold. It was time for her to reclaim her time, and she declared she would.

She didn’t turn around. Didn’t glance back.

Not even when his name showed up one last time later that night.

She didn’t flinch, didn’t open the message.

Just swiped and deleted. For once, she wasn’t dragging closure behind her.

She walked away and let it stay where it fell, behind her.