Page 16 of An Unforeseen Kiss (Captivating Kisses #4)
W hat the bloody hell was she going to do?
Eden knew that a governess could not afford to be interested in any man, least of all a duke.
She waffled between thinking the new Duke of Millbrooke was simply a good man concerned about her welfare versus one who wanted to engage in an illicit affair with her.
Her experience with men was severely limited, which made reading the duke’s intentions all the harder for her to discern.
Being around a good, kind father for eighteen years, she had thought all men were as decent as Papa.
Then when her selfish, immature cousin became the new Viscount Brownley, he held party after party, inviting friends with loose morals to overrun Brownstone.
She’d remained locked inside the dower house for days at a time, not even allowing Polly to go between it and the main house for fear of what might happen to the maid.
Her opinion of so-called gentlemen had dipped badly, worsened when Brownley had driven her from the only home she had ever known.
And finally, Lord Kessley. A man who thought merely because he held a title, he could hold sway over her. Eden was doing well, managing her life and earning a living, despite all her many setbacks. She refused to let the Duke of Millbrooke interrupt her peaceful, productive existence.
She gave Verina and Justina their assignment, and both girls eagerly picked up their pencils and began scribbling in their journals. Eden moved to claim the volume of Blake’s poetry and sat in a chair where she could observe her charges, while pretending to read.
There was no doubt about it. She was in a pickle.
She had drawn the interest of His Grace and needed to remain disengaged from him.
The problem was, she was attracted to him.
She closed her eyes a moment, but Millbrooke’s image was burned into her memory.
His height and broad shoulders. Those emerald-green eyes and his citrus cologne.
The immaculate tailoring which showed off his muscular frame to perfection.
Even the strong jaw and those cheekbones which could cut glass.
He was a handsome devil, emphasis on the devil part of it.
She could not afford to be in his presence any longer.
And yet, how was she to avoid him in his own home?
Eden hoped she would be able to use Verina and Justina as a shield.
Once the girls had arrived in the library, relief had filled her.
She couldn’t help but think how if she had been a member of Polite Society, being unwed and alone in a room as she had been with the duke would have caused her to be ruined.
She was a servant, though, albeit an upper one.
The rules were far different for those of her ilk.
She doubted His Grace would agree if she requested to be absent from tea each afternoon after the bargain they had struck.
Instead, she would do as she planned and behave as she did yesterday, disappearing into the furniture and not contributing to the conversation.
The rest of the time, she would be on alert.
Make certain she knew where the duke was so that she might avoid those places.
Unfortunately, today’s ride was something she was already obligated to. Thank goodness the four young ladies would be with them.
Opening the volume of Blake, her eyes fell to the page, but Eden did not see a word written upon it.
Instead, she felt pity for herself growing within her, thinking of all she had lost with her parents’ deaths.
She had never wanted a minute of pity, knowing it would not change her circumstances, but for a few minutes now, she indulged herself in thinking about if she had made her own come-out years ago.
She would have danced in ballrooms with handsome, titled gentlemen and might have even met the Duke of Millbrooke at some point, sharing a dance.
Eventually, she would have settled upon a husband, one Papa approved of, and borne him children.
Children she could love with all her heart, watching them grow over the years.
Eden swallowed the painful lump which had formed in her throat.
This would be the only time she would ever allow herself to think about the future which had been denied to her by fate.
The parties she would have attended. The other girls she might have made friends with.
The pretty ballgowns she would have worn.
Magical kisses stolen in the moonlight. A wedding ceremony and the night that followed, when she would have been initiated into the practices of lovemaking.
Tears swam in her eyes, the ache real, her youth now lost. She was nothing but an old maid, not even one on the shelf, but a woman who must work to survive. She dug her nails into her palms, pulling herself out of such fantasies and back into reality.
What she must focus on is what was her now.
These girls. Her post with Lady Traywick.
The countess had taken a huge risk by hiring Eden since she’d had no references.
The last several years had been good ones for her.
She fully intended to see her obligation to Verina and Justina fulfilled, and then she would move on, finding another family with children for her to teach—and love.
She glanced to Verina, whose pencil flowed across the page, and then to Justina, who frowned slightly as she wrote.
Oh, how she loved these two! Eden was fortunate she was a governess and had the opportunity to work with two such lovely young ladies.
She hoped she would be as fortunate with the next family she spent time with.
Justina finally put down her pencil and looked expectantly at Eden. She rose and went to Justina’s table, taking a seat.
“Is there anything you would like to share with me about what you wrote?” she asked.
“Only that I think Millvale is a very happy place, despite the fact that my uncle recently passed. It is large and beautiful, both the house and the property, and I am so happy to be with my cousins again for an extended length of time.”
“You mentioned having seen them once before.”
Justina nodded. “I still do not know why, but we were all brought to town a long time ago. For about a week. It was the first and last time I saw any of my cousins. Only Val and Con knew each other from having gone to school together. They have remained the best of friends over the years.”
“Con is Viscount Dyer?”
“Yes, that is correct. He is the oldest of Lord and Lady Marley. Then there is Lucy and Dru. And just as Val is the oldest here, he has younger sisters, three instead of two. I am thrilled we will get to know Lia and Tia better, and I hope that at some point we can also spend time with Ariadne. She has already made her come-out and wed a marquess.”
“You, too, will make your come-out sooner than you think, Justina. It will be good to have so many of your cousins in town with you when you do. They will make for good company and may even dispense thoughtful advice when it comes time for you to choose a husband.”
Eden thought of what the duke had shared with her about bringing his own children to town each spring so that he could spend time with them while also allowing them to get to know their cousins and extended family better.
Would a man who thought so tenderly of children he did not even have yet be the kind to try and seduce her?
Then again, a man could love his children and easily break his wedding vows.
Papa had told her as much. Her father had never treated Eden as a child, always speaking to her as if she were his equal.
Mama would have been aghast at some of the topics they discussed, but Papa had tried to prepare his daughter for Polite Society.
He had explained that most men—and a good many women—of the ton did not hold their marriage vows sacred as he did.
That they engaged in affairs with one another.
Papa had hoped she would be able to find one of those rare men who would honor the promises he made to Eden on their wedding day.
She admired how loyal Papa had been to Mama. If anyone would have had an excuse to stray from his marriage vows, it would have been her father. Instead, he was the most faithful husband to his ailing, invalid wife.
Eden wondered if the Duke of Millbrooke would show that kind of devotion to his duchess and then pinched herself for even thinking of him again.
“I will go stop Verina, else she will be writing all day,” she told Justina. “Come, we will join her and admire the lovely view.”
They moved toward the table by the window, and Verina said, “I am almost finished, Miss Snow. I have so much to write about.”
They sat silently and watched Verina complete her thoughts. When she placed her pencil on the table and closed her journal, Eden asked, “Do you have anything you wrote about that you might wish to discuss with us?”
“I am grateful to be here at Millvale,” Verina replied. “I see how close Mama is with Aunt Alice, and I want that kind of closeness with my cousins, too.”
“Lady Tia and Lady Lia seem to be lovely young ladies,” she said. “You cannot always choose the family you have, but you certainly can select the friends you wish to make. When both coincide, it is a blessing. Now, shall we move on to geography?”
“Anything but maths,” Justina said, causing them all to chuckle.
Eden went to retrieve the atlas she previously had looked at.
For the next hour, they retraced their route from Cumberland to Kent, talking about the topography of the land and the cities they had passed through.
Justina also wanted to see where Somerset was because it was where Viscount Dyer and his two sisters lived.
“Perhaps on our way home, we could stop and call upon Uncle Arthur and Aunt Charlotte,” Justina said brightly. “It would be wonderful to visit with Lucy and Dru. Con, too.”