Page 24

Chapter 24

Moxie

I step out to the soft glow of the fading sun and see Wyatt lay a hand on Noah’s shoulder across the yard.

“What kind of a father will I be if I can’t take care of my family?” Noah says.

I flashback to the night before my fourteenth birthday when I heard my dad ask Allison that very same question.

The patio bricks lurch underneath me, and I need off this emotional Tilt-a-Whirl. My parents threw everything into their business, and their shitty partner lost it all. We had to sell our house and move into a tiny apartment. Their dream was crushed and they lost all faith in other people. My life was never the same. My parents were shells of their former selves, and they approached everything with a large dose of skepticism. We learned the hard way that to survive, we had to take care of ourselves and never put our eggs in anyone else’s basket. Distance is safe. In getting closer to Wyatt and Hannah, I’d forgotten that hard-learned lesson. I can’t be the reason another family’s dreams are crushed. I can’t do this.

I look around the backyard at Noah and Mindy and fear they may have to endure the struggles that my family went through. The financial loss was bad, but the loneliness and distrust were much worse. It’s been ten years and my parents have recovered financially, but we still haven’t figured out how to get that trust back.

This might be different because I can’t see Wyatt ever intentionally hurting his friends, but if he can’t get his work done because of me, the result is the same. I can’t separate the image of my lonely younger self from my fears for these people. I can’t be with Wyatt if I’m distracting him from his business. Clearly, he needs to focus all his energy on work right now.

A breath of air escapes as I double over like I’ve been punched in the gut.

Wyatt and Noah turn toward the sound.

Wyatt’s expression lifts into a smile when he sees me, but it quickly morphs into a concerned frown. Whatever it is that I’m feeling must be clear on my face. He steps forward, an arm lifted as though to steady me.

“Moxie—”

I shake my head rapidly. I try to speak, but the words don’t come out. It’s like the worst kind of déjà vu. I thought by being with Wyatt, I wouldn’t have to be afraid of placing my trust in another person. He seemed safe because Hannah trusted him, and I trusted Hannah. What a fool I’ve been, believing in him, believing in her. I know better.

“I can’t do this,” I say.

His eyes search mine and his brows furrow. “What do you mean?”

“Your business. I’m getting in the way.”

“What? You’re not,” he says.

“You said it yourself; you’ve been distracted by other things. Me. I’m the other thing.” I’m suddenly cold, arms wrapped around myself.

“That’s not what I meant,” he protests.

“I should go.” I spin on my heels, finally convincing my feet to move and digging my nails into my palms to keep back tears.

“I drove.” Wyatt’s voice is soft and dripping with concern.

I freeze, then pull out my phone. “I’ll get a rideshare.”

My eyes start to water, and I bite hard on my lip to force the tears back. I focus on my screen. A ten-minute wait.

“Come on, I’ll take you home.”

Waiting here in front of Mindy and Noah’s for ten minutes would probably be worse than a ride from Wyatt. My shoulders sag.

“Fine,” I whisper through gritted teeth.

“Let me say goodbye.”

I nod and trail after him to thank our hosts.

He hugs Mindy then talks quietly but with intensity to Noah, probably about me. The floodgates are about to break. I take a bracing breath to fight back the tears.

“Congratulations again,” I say to Wyatt’s treasured friends. “It was so nice to meet you.”

“It was great to meet you too, I hope we can—” her eyes dart between Wyatt and me, sensing the tension. “I hope we can do this again sometime,” she finishes awkwardly. The words don’t even try to take up their space in the air. They dissipate as they leave her mouth like they know it’s never going to happen.

We walk out to the car. Wyatt lengthens his stride and opens my door for me. In the car, we sit in silence and stare at the road ahead of us.

Wyatt runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “I feel like I just walked into the movie theater halfway through the film. Catch me up.”

“Your business is failing,” I say.

“It’s struggling, not failing. I’m sorry you heard any of that. I’ll discuss it with him more tomorrow, and we’ll come up with a game plan.”

“You haven’t been able to talk to him because you’ve been busy with me. I can’t be responsible for both of you losing your dreams.” Tears stream down my face but I’m too upset to stop them. I want to get home.

Wyatt goes pale as if sick, and there’s no sparkle in his eyes as he puts the car in drive.

The ride home is quiet, the drone of the tires rolling over pavement echoing in the empty space that has opened between us. Wyatt keeps muttering that he doesn’t understand. My heart aches as I feel the best relationship I’ve ever had crumble into dust.

I break the silence with a honking nose blow.

“Moxie, honestly, I know your parents had a bad experience with their business partner, but this isn’t like that at all. We’re still good friends; we just haven’t had time to sort out some details. None of that has anything to do with you. Please don’t be upset.”

I’d been so stressed out to go there, and his friends were so nice. Even when they had a disagreement, it was calm. Without a doubt, I was the most upset in the group. They didn’t seem especially mad at each other but rather upset with the situation and anxious to solve it.

After all these years of being on my own, I let Hannah and Wyatt past my walls. Or maybe, like determined insects, they found their way in through the cracks I didn’t even know were there. Damn it, it felt good.

I’ve never had a friend like Hannah, and I don’t think I can bear to lose her. Our friendship has opened my outlook to a lifestyle like flower petals in the spring. She truly seems to care about what’s happening with me and wants to do what she can to help because she’s a nice person who only wants friendship in return.

And Wyatt—my handsome, funny, kind, adventurous Wyatt—has been the boyfriend I never wanted but maybe needed. I don’t think I can stop seeing him. My life has been more exhilarating and happier since I’ve known him. My old ways won’t be enough. I’m sitting right next to him in this car, and I already miss him.

“Please talk to me. If there’s a problem, we can solve it together. I know we can. Trust me.” Wyatt looks so earnest as he stares out the windshield.

“This is too much for me. This is not what I do. I don’t do relationships, and it was wrong of me not to be upfront about that from the beginning. I never expected it to go this far.”

“What do you mean?”

“I went out on a limb for you because Hannah talked me into it. I let it happen even though she said you were a relationship guy, and I don’t do relationships. Then with your parents, we said it’d be a fake relationship, and every day it became harder and harder to pretend it was fake.” I gasp as I realize the feelings I’ve laid bare. “Then you got me thinking that you were worth breaking my rules for. I started calling you my boyfriend and fuck if it didn’t feel right.” I shake my head. I shouldn’t be telling him all this.

I try to catch my breath as I dry my eyes. “It all got complicated, but it doesn’t matter now because it sounds to me like you have major business issues and your friends are counting on you to help them fix it. You can’t do a relationship now, either.”

“Moxie, I feel like we both have something to work out, but if you’re thinking we can’t date because of Shred and Tread or my friends, I promise you that isn’t an issue.” Wyatt pulls over to the side of the road. “I’m trying to be cool about us and not rush anything, but I can’t. I’m falling for you, and I think you have feelings for me. I care about you and I want you to be my girlfriend.”

His eyes are deep pools that I can’t look at or I will fall into them. My head won’t stop shaking from side to side because I’m sure that my parents’ partner gave them every assurance that things were fine, too. My heart thunders in my chest. Every wall I’ve built to protect my feelings has been bulldozed. I need to run away.

In the driver’s seat, Wyatt flounders. His mouth fish-flaps as he tries to work out the words to explain. “Moxie, please talk to me.”

We’re incompatible. I tried and look what happened. His business is on the brink of collapse. I bark a harsh laugh and shake my head disbelievingly.

“Every minute I’m with you, I fall further for you. From the beginning, I was fine with the fake-dating deal as long as I could spend time with you. My world is a better place when you’re in it,” he says.

He reaches over for my hand. “I’ve seen the hunger in your eyes and I think you want this too. I think we’re both happier when we’re together.”

Tears roll down my face, and my chest hurts with the pain of holding back the violent sob that’s desperate to escape. “It’s not just about what you want. What we’re doing is impacting Noah, Mindy, and my god, their baby.”

“Noah knows about us. In fact, he’d probably say he knows too much about us, but I swear we are okay. I’m sorry you had to see us argue but I’ve got this.”

“You don’t understand. I told you what my life was like growing up. All of that happened because my parents trusted someone with their livelihood, and she screwed them over. I can’t be the one causing that to happen to Shred and Tread. I can’t do that to you or Noah and Mindy. They’re having a kid! I don’t want them dealing with the same things I did.” My voice shakes. I can’t bear to look at him.

“Can you please drive?” I wipe my face with the back of my hand and dry it on my tear-soaked top.

He frowns and watches me for another minute before shaking his head.

Wyatt and I have never had a shortage of things to talk about. Silence between us has been rare, and even then, it has always felt charged with this happy energy, like the conversation kept going even when we weren’t speaking. It was bright and lively, like Wyatt’s personality. That isn’t the case now.

I try to keep my eyes off Wyatt and trained out the window, but they keep shifting back to him. His Adam's apple bobs as he clears his throat to speak, but then he changes his mind, over and over again. He must not be able to stand it any longer because as we near my apartment he cuts through the thick silence.

“Look. I can feel you pulling away. Please don’t.”

“I don’t think I can do this. Maybe you should focus on the business for a while,” I say.

“For how long? I can be with you and take care of Shred and Tread. Both are possible. It’s not like business owners never have relationships. Am I expected to stay single forever if I’m going to own a business?”

“No, of course not. I don’t know. Until the business gets back on its feet.”

“It is on its feet. What’s the benchmark? We’re always going to be trying to increase business. While we’re doing that, there’s no reason we can’t spend time together.” Wyatt’s voice is laced with emotion, and his eyes shimmer with tears threatening to fall.

I want to believe him. It scares me how badly I do. I didn’t think I’d ever find myself wanting to commit to another person the way I want to with him. Faith is not a part of my vocabulary. Wyatt is an optimist. He sees the best in the world and in people. I’m a realist. I know the truth about people, or I thought I did.

It’s hard to imagine that Wyatt would deliberately hurt anyone. If Noah’s been trying to talk to him, that means Wyatt has been too distracted. I have pages of texts and our time spent together as evidence that I’m the one to blame.

“Maybe. I need time to process, and you need to help Noah. Let’s cool things down for a few days. Take some time to evaluate. You said you wanted to take things slow, so let’s take a break.”

“I don’t need time to evaluate what I already know. I want to be with you.” Wyatt’s voice is hoarse.

The words knife right through me and twist because they’re what I want to hear yet exactly what I can’t have. The decision falls over me like an eclipse shrouding me in darkness. I know what I must do, but I'm going to gut myself in the process.

We pull up to my building’s entrance. He exhales slowly, his head tipping forward to rest on top of the steering wheel.

“I changed my mind. I don’t want to go on a break,” I say.

He meets my eyes, and the flash of hope shatters my heart into a million pieces. I swallow the bile rising in my throat to choke out the words I wish I didn’t have to say.

“This isn’t going to work. I’m sorry, Wyatt. This is over.”

I yank open the car door and run for my building before he has time to protest. In my apartment, I toss my keys on the counter and collapse onto the floor where I finally give up and let the sobs overtake me. I cry until my throat is raw. I cry until the heaving of my misery leaves me sore from head to toe. I cry until my tears have drained me completely, and on the cold tile of my kitchen floor, I fall asleep.