Page 9

Chapter Nine

T he sun has settled in the blanket of trees, and the warm glow of the sun lingers. I am grateful the sun’s light has lengthened. Winter is so depressing. In just a couple of weeks will be the summer solstice and then the sun will be bright even longer and I won’t have to hide in my cottage as long.

“We will set up a fire here.” He’s crouched and dragging foliage away from a rocky area with his fingers. As much as I hate it, I have to rely on Garrett’s knowledge to set up our camp.

Feeling awkward standing and watching him, I open the back door of the wagon. “I’ll get things for dinner.”

As I go to climb in, I notice Garrett reach out like he’s going to help me in, but I don’t need his assistance doing something I do every day. He catches himself when I look him up and down and clears his throat. “I’ll take the logs and get the fire going, then. Unless you wish to start it with some magic?” His whiskers tug in a playful smirk.

“Don’t you have a striking stone or something useful?” I counter.

He chuckles and climbs into the wagon behind me. The space was always tight with me alone. It’s not a large wagon for hauling hay or families. It’s a simple wagon, just for me. And with Garrett in my space I realize just how small it really is. His presence swallows the little space I have to move. When he reaches to get the wood, his body presses against my back.

My throat feels tight. “Maybe I should get out so you can get the wood easier,” I offer.

He straightens, holding three logs. “There’s no need. I’ve got it.” He backs up out of the wagon. “Oh, what meat did you pack?”

“None.”

He raises both brows. “What? At all?”

“I don’t eat meat.” When he continues to stare at me, I add, “With my ability to talk to animals, I can’t kill them to eat them. Can you imagine trying to explain to one why I have to kill it? I’m sorry, beautiful little bunny, but I have to end your life so I can eat your flesh. ” I shudder and gag.

“Point taken.” He nudges the door shut.

I feel like I can finally breathe.

“Finally. I thought he would never leave you alone!” I feel Kai wriggle before he pops his head out. “I’m dying in here! It’s hot and uncomfortable and dry. Why do I feel so dry?”

“You’re a frog,” I whisper. “Frogs spend time in water. I did get a water pouch. Let me get you a bowl set up. Acorn should be waking soon too, so you and he can go get some dinner together if you want. I do have a few caterpillars, but I don’t know if we should save them.” I set what I have back down and take a small bowl out.

“Do you like him?”

I blanch and face him. “Excuse me?”

“Garrett,” he clarifies. His eyes seem lower in his head, like he’s glaring. “Do you like him?”

I blink at him. “Why would you think that? I just met him! And I think you should just tell him you’re alive.” I pick him up and hold him up to my face. In spite of the glow outside, the light is dim under the wagon’s canopy.

Kai frowns.

“Why are you afraid? He’s your father’s most trusted soldier, isn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“You wouldn’t have to sit in my pocket all day.”

He sighs and rubs his hand over his eye. “El...I have a question first.”

I hesitate. “No, I don’t like him.”

“Not that.” He shakes his head and wiggles until I open my hands so he rests in my palm. “When you were at Samuel’s place. You said you pushed them away.”

I feel my jaw tighten.

“When I...arrested your mother...I knew you had neighbors who loved you like I did, and I thought someone would step in and help and...it was never ever my intention that you would feel so hurt you would push everyone away. It was never my intention for you to be alone.”

I’m grateful he’s a frog, because I can set him in the bowl and he can’t grab me and make me stay. He didn’t think I would push everyone away? He didn’t think I would be that hurt? I pour some water from the pouch into the bowl with Kai.

He croaks and hops out. “It’s freezing!”

“Sorry! I didn’t know.”

I hear Garrett’s boots crunch on the ground before he opens the wagon’s door again. “I’ve got the fire started. What can I help with in here?”

I have leaned on the counter, blocking Kai from his view. “I have a hypothetical question for you.”

He raises a single eyebrow and looks me up and down. “Okay.”

“Let’s say I knew Kai was turned into a frog.”

Garrett’s brows pinch. “Okay?”

“Before you arrested me.”

He doesn’t answer, but his lips tighten.

“Because he found me last night seeking help.”

“You knew?” Garrett snaps.

“He made me keep it a secret.” I straighten, revealing Kai, now sitting at the edge of the bowl.

He raises a frog hand. “Hello, Captain.”

Garrett’s eyes widen. He doesn’t react right away. It’s like he didn’t believe Kai had actually been turned into a frog so he has to realize that too. “You’re...serious?” He looks to me for further explanation.

I gesture to Kai. “This is Kai.”

“The prince,” Kai adds. “And you’re flirting with someone I care about.”

I glare down at him.

“Says someone who is married,” Garrett points out.

“Wait, you can understand him?” I ask.

“Yes.” Garrett leans a hand on the doorframe of the wagon.

Kai tilts his head. “Unfortunate.”

“Kai.” I frown at him, then look up at Garrett. “I wonder if maybe you can understand him because he’s not naturally born a frog?” I fold my arms as I ponder on it.

“What really happened the night of your wedding?” Garrett asks carefully.

“The short version of the story,” Kai says, “is that Princess Genoa presented me with the golden ball and when I touched it, it turned me into this.”

“Why didn’t you come to one of us for help? Or your father?” He shakes his head.

Kai shrugs. “I know Elowyn can speak with animals. I didn’t know you would be able to understand me too. Not only that, but...after it happened, Genoa didn’t seem concerned until I started hopping away. It felt wrong. She knew it was going to happen.”

“Because she’s a fairy,” I add. “But apparently no one can see that she has very obviously pointed ears and enormous wings.”

“I don’t know,” Kai objects for the first time. “I met her a few months ago. Fairies can’t be in our world.”

Garrett pinches the bridge of his nose. “Wait. All day, no since yesterday...you had him this entire time?”

“Who else was going to keep him safe?” I argue.

“Was he in the castle with you this morning?” He shifts his glare to me.

“Yes. He didn’t want me to tell anyone.”

Garrett runs his fingers through his hair and lets out a heavy breath. “We can’t go back and change what happened.” He sighs and rests his hands on his hips. “Are you all right, Your Highness?” He looks at Kai.

“Other than being stuck as an amphibian?” He slips into the water. “I’m positively miserable.”

I begin gathering the ingredients for dinner again, taking the sweet potato out of the pot. “Then it’s a good thing we have a plan to fix you.”

Garrett holds out his hands. “Give me a pot and I’ll get some water in it. In a wagon, we might not make it until tomorrow night or the next morning. It depends on the weather.”

I look up at the clear sky. The rain stopped hours ago, and there isn’t a cloud to obscure the giant moon. “Would walking be faster than being burdened with a wagon?”

“Hm?” He pinches his brows as I hand him the pot. “Oh, no. Horses are faster, but wagons are great because you won’t get tired.”

“Me?”

“I’m used to being on my feet all day.”

I don’t let go of the pot as he tries to take it. “And I sit on my throne eating grapes?”

Garrett clears his throat. “Again, that’s not what I meant.”

“Maybe you should start saying what you mean.” I let go of the pot and slam the door of the wagon in his face.

“Do you find him attractive?”

“What?” I spin to face the frog. “Why in the four winds would you say such a thing? Did you not hear any of that?”

“Not all of it is banter, is it?”

I scoff. “Is the married prince jealous?”

“El, that’s not—”

“No! You know what, even if I did like him, it’s none of your business. You’re married now. My love life has nothing to do with you anymore.” I snatch the ingredients and hop out of the back of the wagon.

Stabbing things feels like a great activity, because I don’t understand my own emotions. My belly is on fire and I want a drink of water. I know deep down I’m jealous Kai is married. Of course I want to fall in love with someone, and I can’t have him. Is that someone Garrett? I don’t know! He seems to be politely irritated being here.

I peel off the exterior of the sweet potato, then begin chopping it up, making sure to dice it into small pieces because it’s the only outlet I have right now. Some pieces may be a little too small.

“What happened?” Acorn asks through a yawn as he peeks his head from the pouch.

“Nothing,” I grumble. “And everything.”

“Where is Whiskers?” He looks around.

“Getting water for dinner.” I turn to the small onion, which has begun sprouting.

He drops out of the pouch and stretches. “Why are you upset?”

“I’m not!” I sigh and press my palm to my forehead. “Garrett now knows Kai is here and Kai thinks I’m flirting with Garrett.”

Acorn smacks his lips and climbs out of the pouch to begin nibbling the peels of the sweet potato. “Are you?”

I frown, but Acorn can’t see it. “I met the man this morning. I don’t know him. Is he attractive, other than his mustache? Yes. Does it matter? No. Because as soon as Kai is back to being a prince, he’ll return to his fairy bride and Garrett will return to the king’s side, and I’ll go...home.” I hate how my heart twists. This journey would have been easier without the two men coming along.

“I collected water in the pot and in our drinking pouches. It’s nice and clean.” Garrett sits down across the fire from me and places the pot on top of a makeshift stand I haven’t noticed until now. He’s somehow managed to prop up two rocks to support the pot over the flames.

“You must spend a lot of time outside,” I say.

He shrugs. “A fair amount. Especially when we’re deployed.”

“Do you like it?”

He looks up at the starry sky and a genuine smile spreads across his face. “Who couldn’t love this?”

I follow his gaze. I don’t. I would much rather be in my home, bundled up under my favorite knitted blanket by the fire, drinking a warm cup of tea while reading. But if Kai had said that?

I dump in the ingredients, add a mad dash of salt, and climb to my feet to get my sweater. With the sun gone, it’s too cold to pretend I’m not. And maybe I need a moment away from Garrett.

Kai is no longer in the water, and I trace the trail of wet puddles to where he sits at the edge of the counter. “I...couldn’t get down,” he admits softly.

I pull my sweater down over my head and tug out my braid. “I think frog bodies are pretty indestructible. Remember chasing them when we were kids?”

“Of course I do. I remember everything. Elowyn, I still...care about you.”

I don’t reply and pick him up. “It’s cold outside. I don’t know how warm you’ll stay, but we can keep you near the fire. There are a lot of bugs flying around that you can eat.”

“Will you please have a conversation with me?”

“There’s nothing to say, Kai.” I feel weary. “We were best friends and you betrayed me.” I step out of the back of the wagon and let the door close.

He huffs. “You keep saying that, but you’ve never let me share my side of what happened. You run away every time I try. Even now!”

“How can you possibly rationalize what you did to my mother?”

“Don’t you get it?” he shouts. “It was her or you! Who was I going to choose?”

I stare down at him. He was forced to choose? “Why didn’t you just tell me this?” I ask softly.

“I’ve tried!” He grabs onto my thumb with both hands. “I’ve been trying to tell you, but I wasn’t sure what good it would do. I didn’t want you to believe I was justifying my behavior. What I did was terrible! To both of you! I had to try one last time before I got married. I asked you to let me tell you my side. I said I was sorry. When you wouldn’t forgive me, I knew I had to move forward with the wedding. I’m sorry, El. I’m really, terribly sorry for what I did. I didn’t want you to be alone. I thought...I hoped you would be better without me in your life. I don’t know! I messed up.”

I look away, remembering that I have an audience.

Garrett is busying himself with stoking the fire and pretending not to eavesdrop, but it’s impossible given that we’re the only group within probably miles.

I slowly sit on the ground and set Kai on a stone on the edge of the fire. It’s hard to wrap my mind around being so caught up in my own emotions that I wouldn’t let Kai explain himself. He approached me at least a dozen times over the year, and I turned him away each time. Once, he tried to hold on to me, saying it was important to listen to him. I yelled at him instead. I don’t recall everything I said, but none of it was kind. He looked so hurt when I left. I shouldn’t have been so hard on him. I should have forgiven him a long time ago.

I lost him over something he had no choice in.

“Was it your father’s command?” I finally bring myself to ask.

“Yes.” I wish I could see his human expression. His bulging frog eyes don’t show emotion the way they should.

“Why?” My voice is tight. “What does he have against my mother and me?”

Kai leans forward and stretches out so his frog hands are on my knee. “Father was hoping to force you to attend the university, which would get you out of Parshen. He gave me the command to arrest you or your mother shortly after I got home from the war at the edge of Arcoren.” His hands begin to slip, so I lift Kai into my hands again. “Father was holding a bundle of letters I had tried to send you. He ranted about how he had explicitly forbidden our friendship, how he wanted to get rid of magic, blah blah. And then he ordered me to arrest you or your mother. I didn’t understand why back then, but now...” He doesn’t finish the sentence. He doesn’t need to.

Because his father is evil. King Willard knew his son couldn’t be distracted by me if I were in prison, and he had to have known that if he sent Kai to arrest my mother that I would blame Kai. Either way, he would get what he wanted.

Kai and I separated.

I swallow a growing lump in my throat. “Remember how he told you my illiteracy would rub off on you?”

“And he didn’t know I was the one teaching you to read?” I can almost see Kai’s teasing smile.

A pit grows in my stomach. “I’m sorry.” I didn’t know that saying those words would bring forth all of the emotions I’ve buried for the past several months.

I am not about to cry in front of these men.

Getting up, I make an excuse that I have to take care of Pancho, practically drop Kai, and manage to keep my composure as I walk around the wagon. I bite my lip hard to hold back a sob threatening to break. When I get around the wagon I find Pancho already unhooked and grazing nearby. I slump against the wagon wheel and slowly fall to my knees, struggling to gulp breaths and keep the tears at bay.

I could have had Kai as a friend this entire time.

I could have had someone to lean on.

We might have been able to work together to come up with a way to get my mother out of prison, or how to get his father to see the good in magic, or...

A large hand rests on my shoulder and I tense. “You don’t have to be alone anymore,” Garrett whispers. He kneels on one knee at my side, letting his hand drop to his knee.

I pull away, wiping the tears off my face. “I’ll be fine. I just needed a moment.” I don’t meet his gaze.

“I know what it’s like not to trust others,” he says comfortingly. “Once you find where you belong, you’ll realize that it’s okay to let people in. You just need to find where you belong.”

“I really don’t need advice right now.” I don’t accept his hand when I go to stand, choosing to pull myself up using the wagon wheel instead.

“Elowyn!” Acorn screams. “An owl just stole Kai!”