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D id I say reading the scroll would give me peace of mind? Scratch that. I was now more uncertain than ever about whether the mate bond was made-up or not.
The Mate Bond Scroll basically consisted of long lists of the mate bond’s effects in specific scenarios.
And the list of effects under the subheading Signs of Bond’s Appearance came pretty close to the euphoria and happiness I had experienced in bed with Xaniban.
Maybe that was because female bodies didn’t react so differently to a mind-shattering orgasm, or five.
But since I’d never come so many times in a row, there was nothing I could compare last night’s fireworks with to draw a plausible conclusion.
Then there were the feelings listed under Short-Term Separation: When Bond Is New .
It was as if someone had written down everything I felt today.
Increasing worry? Check. Inability to concentrate?
Check. Overconsuming thoughts about mate?
Check. Lack of interest in favorite activities?
Check. Then again, I hadn’t experienced “loss of appetite, anger fits, uncontrollable crying, and mood swings.”
I honestly didn’t know what to think. If this was a myth created to prevent Gargoyles’ extinction by convincing them cross-species relationships rocked, kudos to whoever had made it so realistic.
If the mate bond did exist, then… I could only hope that my animar would return.
Because the listed effects of a mate’s death were horrifying.
Several hours later, I no longer cared about mate bonds and scrolls. Nothing could distract me from the fact that Xaniban was not back yet. Not a tropical bath with a view of the sunset. Not an exploration of the palace with a plate of cheese in hand. Nothing.
When night fell and there was still no news on Operation Kill Zombie 007, I put a mental check mark next to “loss of appetite” and “mood swings”.
“My Queen should eat something,” Samuin said at the bedchamber’s door.
“No, I can’t. My stomach is twisted in knots.” I closed the door on him and walked back into the room.
He poked his head inside through the upper door. “Some dessert, perhaps? How about ice cream?”
“Ice cream?” I sighed. “I don’t think I can enjoy even that.” When I spoke again, anger slipped into my tone. “You seriously believe ice cream will help? I don’t want ice cream. I don’t want food. I want Xan!”
“You shall have him soon.”
“How can you be so freaking calm?” I raised my voice. “You can’t know whether he’ll return. You know crap.”
“You stand strong before me, not unwell, drained of energy or heartbroken. Therefore, I do not know crap.”
Hope surged through me, washing the anger away. “You’re sure that I would have felt him die? That he’s alive?”
“I already told you so.” Samuin’s tail curled then uncurled, revealing his frustration. “Shall I bring you the ice cream? You can have it in bed. No need to walk all the way to the dining garden.”
“In bed?” One look at the big bed, as empty and cold as I felt inside, and tears welled in my eyes. “Forget the ice cream! I want Xan back… Why, oh why, didn’t I kiss him goodbye?”
“I shall leave my Queen to rest, then. I will be nearby, should you require anything.”
“Rest, ha!” I half sobbed, half laughed.
“There will be no sleep for me tonight.” I snickered as a thought hit me.
“I should make my contribution to the Mate Bond Scroll . Grandma hasn’t added sleep deprivation to the endless list of side effects of short-term separation.
I can draw it, so as to add color to that boring piece of silk.
It will depict me with bloodshot eyes and big blue circles around them–Hold on!
What if the readers mistake me for a vamp? ”
Samuin didn’t reply, the smart gargoyle. He politely nodded and flew away, leaving me to laugh at my own stupid joke.
Seconds later, my laughter turned to sobs.
Yep, the mate bond was crap. I didn’t believe in it for a second.
I spent the night pacing in the bedchamber like a caged tiger. There was a whole palace for me to pace through, but I preferred to be on my own. The way I had gotten used to being in the early post-apocalyptic months.
Daylight found me still awake and close to hysterical. I couldn’t just wait and do nothing any longer.
“I wish to speak with the warriors,” I said the moment I opened the door and found Samuin standing outside. “Or the guards. Or whoever is allowed to go to the ground and can survive down there.”
“Good morning.”
I narrowed my eyes at him.
“I am afraid my Queen cannot be allowed to do that.”
I did not have the patience for this. “Why the hell not?”
“I understand you wish to leave. But this is your home now, regardless of whether my liege has fallen or not.”
“I don’t wish to leave,” I snapped. “I wish to know where Xan is! I have to know what happened, don’t you get it?”
“My Queen–”
“Yes, I’m supposed to be your queen,” I reminded him. “So I will talk to somebody and I will find volunteers to go scout the location where their king went to. And I will be going with them.”
“Impossible. Even if volunteers are found, you cannot expose yourself to such danger.”
“I have lived in the center of the capital of danger for half a year,” I spat out. “All I need is a weapon, which you can feel free to bring me from the upper section of the wall. Then you will take me to whoever can get the job done.”
“My Queen–”
“Don’t my-queen me!” I poked him in the chest. “Move out of my way, Samuin.”
He stepped back but not enough to give me room to squeeze past him. “You should not be touching me. Your scent on my skin could be my death sentence.”
“I will kill you myself, unless you let me get to the warriors.”
That was when the frown on his face disappeared and he smiled at me. Smiled.
Was he amused by my threat? Didn’t he realize I was beside myself with worry? Trying to stop me from getting to Xaniban was not going to end well for him–
“You can go to the guards in the courtyard,” he said, his feet leaving the ground with a powerful wing flap.
“I can?” That was a quick win against Samuin. “They are allowed to go to the ground?”
“They are not, but they do not have to go anywhere. Neither do you.”
It finally clicked.
“Yes, my Queen,” his smile broadened, “I just heard the call of the scouts. My liege is coming home.”