Page 90 of American Royals

She braced her palms on the counter, her breath coming in short, panicked gasps. And finally—now that she didn’t have to keep that fragile smile on her face, now that there was no one around to see—she let herself cry.

“Beatrice? Are you okay?”

Samantha stood in the doorway, wearing a robe identical to Beatrice’s; their mom had given them as Christmas gifts this year. Her hair was pulled into a messy side ponytail that made her whole head look lopsided. Typical Samantha.

Beatrice hastily wiped away her tears. “I was trying to make pasta,” she admitted. “What are you doing here?”

“Same thing as you, I guess. I didn’t eat much at dinner.”

“Oh.” Beatrice felt suddenly tentative and uncertain around her sister. In all her own discomfort at the meal with Teddy’s family, she hadn’t really thought that it might be awkward for Samantha, too. But wasn’t she over Teddy by now?

Sam kicked one fuzzy slipper idly against the other. “Remember the time we came in here before a state dinner and accidentally knocked over that enormous cake?”

“They had to send someone out at the last minute to buy fifty tubs of lemon sorbet,” Beatrice recollected. That was back before her grandfather died, when she could get away with behavior like that. “We got in so much trouble that night.”

“We were always in trouble,” Sam countered, and shrugged. “At least, Jeff and I were.”

The water in the pot began to boil. Beatrice made a helpless noise and turned back toward it. She still hadn’t found any pasta.

“I think there’s some mac and cheese in the pantry,” Sam pointed out.

“Which pantry?” Beatrice knew about the crystal pantry, the silver pantry, the china pantry—

“The one with food in it.” Sam sounded almost amused. “Here, I’ll look for it.”

Beatrice tried to hide her surprise at Samantha’s offer. “That would be great, actually.”

Her sister ducked into the pantry, emerging moments later with a blue-and-white box labeled MACARONI AND CHEESE: ROYAL ADVENTURE! The flat noodles were shaped like tiny tiaras and stars, as well as a girl in a ball gown that Beatrice suspected was meant to be her.

“Whoever’s in charge of restocking has a sense of humor,” she heard herself say. Sam lifted an eyebrow but didn’t reply.

Neither of them spoke as Sam ripped open the box, poured the noodles into the hot water, then drained them several minutes later. She measured out butter and milk from the fridge before stirring it with the powdered cheese sauce.

“How do you know all this?”

“It’s just mac and cheese; anyone can do it,” Sam pointed out, then winced. “Sorry, I didn’t …”

“It’s okay. We both know I’m not anyone normal.” Beatrice laughed, but there was no humor in it. She hated how helpless she was at such simple domestic tasks. She hated that this life had ruined her for a normal one.

“Most of cooking is just following the directions. It really isn’t hard.”

Then I should be great at it, Beatrice thought plaintively. All she ever did was follow instructions.

Sam scooped the pasta into two cereal bowls and grabbed a pair of spoons, then hiked herself up onto the counter to sit with her feet dangling over the edge. After a moment Beatrice followed suit. Well, it wasn’t as if they were about to carry late-night mac and cheese into the formal dining room.

The macaroni was delicious, its warm cheesiness curiously comforting. Beatrice wondered what Connor would say if he saw the princesses like this—sitting atop the kitchen counter, eating royal-shaped mac and cheese.

“What is that on your finger?” Sam’s voice echoed around the cavernous kitchen. “Are you not wearing your ring?”

Beatrice glanced down at her left hand, so blatantly bare where the enormous diamond should have been. If you looked closely, you could see the faded Sharpie line that Connor had drawn there.

“I take the ring off at night when I wash my face, to keep the soap from getting it dirty,” she lied. “I must have accidentally left it on the ring stand by my sink.”

Every night Beatrice slipped off that ring the instant she was alone. It was too cold, too heavy, its enormous weight almost too much to bear. It felt like it belonged to someone else and had been given to her by mistake.

“Do you love him?”

Sam’s question caught her so off guard that she almost dropped her ceramic bowl.