Page 9

Ellen

As much as it was great to be home with my family, it’s nice to be back at school enjoying my independence once again.

Taking Will home has given me a totally different perspective on our relationship, and while it’s only been a few months, I know now that I’m falling in love with him.

And judging by his response to Tommy, I’m going to go out on limb and say he’s feeling the same way.

I’ve been dancing around saying it to him for a week now, it lingering on the tip of my tongue, but never finding the courage to just spit it out. But tonight is going to be different.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my sister and her moping around the vineyard without Jack.

It was a missed opportunity, and something I think she’s going to think about the rest of her life.

She may only be fifteen years old, but that doesn’t mean what she feels for Jack is any less real.

I’m using her experience as a reminder to myself to not let things remain unsaid.

My heart also breaks for her and a part of me is tempted to contact him and confess her deepest, darkest secret to him.

She’d kill me though, like murder me in my sleep.

I guess all I can do is encourage her to reach out to him.

Even Will suggested it, and maybe she’d be more likely to take his advice .

I’m pulling on my boots when my phone rings letting me know that Will is downstairs waiting for me so we can hit up some bars.

I tuck my hair behind my ears and give myself a quick once-over in the mirror before turning to Alice and asking, “How do I look?”

“You look like you’re going to freeze your ass off.” She looks me up and down and rolls her eyes.

Alice and I get along far better than most roommates who were thrust together by the random lottery system, but we’re still quite different. She’s not interested in crowds or bars or impressing boys with tube tops in the frigid Michigan winters.

“Shut up. Do I look good enough to tell Will I love him?” I ask, but this time it’s me rolling my eyes.

“You look hot, so yeah,” she replies nodding her head and shrugging her shoulders. “But hold on.”

Alice hops off her bed and begins to rummage through her closet, sliding a clump of hangers to the side as she pulls out a black jacket from the back.

“Here,” she says, thrusting the jacket at me. “Take this so when you’re standing in the freezing cold and you tell Will you love him, he isn’t focusing on your glass-cutting nips and you’re not about to piss yourself from hypothermia.”

I’m laughing so hard at Alice’s honest interpretation of what could happen that tears are streaming down my face. I hate to break it to her that I don’t plan to be standing out in the cold, but I let it go. I guess anything could happen.

“Thanks, Mom,” I reply, sweetly as I take the black trench coat from her and slip it on, pecking her on the cheek as I head for the door.

“Have fun and good luck,” she calls, as the door closes behind me.

I take one last deep breath and push the button for the elevator. It’s now or never .

When the doors slide open, Will is waiting for me and clearly he didn’t get the non-existent memo about this being a big night, because he’s dressed in jeans and a hoodie.

“Wow, you look amazing,” he says, stumbling over his words slightly.

It’s been a while since I dressed up to go out with Will and now I’m sorta starting to regret it.

I’ve made it way to obvious that I’m planning or expecting something out of tonight, and if it all goes to shit it’s going to be embarrassing as fuck.

Will leans in and slips his arms around my waist, pulling me close, he presses his lips to mine softly.

“Maybe we should just go back to my apartment,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against my ear and his fingers sliding under my top.

A jolt of electricity shoots through when his fingers connect with my skin and I suddenly want to agree with him.

Fuck going out drinking; let’s just take a few shots in his kitchen and hop in bed.

No matter how this plays out, I’m going to need a little liquid courage to get the whole thing rolling.

“Why don’t we at least get something to eat and have a few drinks,” I suggest, my nervousness taking over. I’m not sure why I’m trying to schedule an I love you. It should be spontaneous, organic and well, not this shit.

My hands are shaking when Will threads his fingers into mine and begins to lead the way out of the building. Before we can reach the street, he turns to me and says, “You’re being kinda weird. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I mutter back, feeling a knot tightening in my stomach at the idea that I’ve made this night into something it shouldn’t be.

“You’re not going to break up with me, are you?” Will asks, pulling me so we are now standing face to face .

“God, no,” I reply, an exasperated sigh falling from my lips when I realize I’ve made him think the worst. I throw my arms around his neck and pull him in close, kissing his lips and telling myself when it happens, it happens.

The night continues uneventfully with us meeting up with a few friends and doing a little bar hopping before we head back to Will’s apartment.

We step out of the bar and a light dusting of snow has fallen and the sky is dark and blanketed in a heavy gray clouds.

The snow is still falling lightly and Will takes my hand in his as we walk.

We’re both drunk and I giggle at everything he says as he talks incessantly about absolutely nothing.

We stop off at a burrito joint, and grab some to go and continue our walk home.

I shudder in the cold air, wrapping my arms around myself and silently thanking Alice for her jacket.

“Are you cold?” Will asks as he stops to throw away the wrapper from his burrito. We’re standing outside the stadium with only a few blocks left to go before we reach his apartment.

“Of course I’m cold,” I respond, my teeth practically chattering.

It might be March, but in Michigan that can mean any number of things: snow, rain, extreme cold, oddly warm temperatures.

My California-raised ass is just not cut out for this kind of weather.

“I just want you to know that I’m moving back to California when I graduate,” I blurt out with no warning.

“Can’t handle the cold, huh?” Will says, running his hands up and down my arms trying to warm me up.

“No,” I whine, but I feel the moment fall serious. “I love California and my parents’ vineyard and the winery.”

“I know you do,” Will says, nodding his head, but I don’t think he understands what I’m saying.

Maybe I don’t even understand it. I’m drunk and suddenly feeling emotional about the possibility of losing Will over something as simple as wanting to move back home after graduation; a graduation that is so far into the future that it doesn’t even matter right now.

It’s a decision that doesn’t need to be made right now, and I can’t predict the future, but the prospect of it scares the shit out of me.

“No,” I say again, but this time Will pulls back a little, his hands now on my face, cupping it. “I’m going back to California when I graduate and…” I trail off not knowing how to finish my drunken ramblings or how to make myself not sound desperate and needy.

“And I’m going with you,” Will says, firmly.

“What?” I cry out, a feeling of tears forming in my eyes. “You can’t go with me. You have a family in Rhode Island and a life there and…”

“Ellen, I know it’s only been a few months, but you are my life now.

I want to be wherever you are and if that means moving to California then that’s what I’m going to do.

” He pauses and his lips press against my forehead, remaining there for a few seconds.

“I don’t have a plan. I have no idea how it will work, but I hope you trust me when I say, I want to be with you. ”

I nod my head in response, unable to form a coherent thought, because I’m so overcome by his willingness to support me, and his understanding of knowing exactly what I need.

“I love you, Ellen,” Will says, his breath coming out in small white puffs of air as the words fall from his lips.

He took a moment that I stressed about, a moment that I felt needed to be perfect and he made it exactly what I hoped it would be.

It was simple and organic and everything about it has me reeling.

My heart is hammering in my chest, thumping hard and fast, and right now, in this moment I know I love him too .

“Oh Will,” I murmur, my words quiet, but audible in the silence of this normally noisy college town, this normally overwhelming loud stadium venue. “I love you too.”

We barely make it back to Will’s apartment with our clothes on. Our confession has only added fuel to an already raging fire between us.

Will pushes the door open, and we tumble inside, a laugh falling from both our mouths as our lips connect.

We separate for a split second as Will looks around and listens for his roommate.

When he turns back to face me, his eyes are dark, his pupils wide and I can see all the want and need I feel reflected in his face.

My hands begin to shake as I step closer to him, closing the distance between us, my heartbeat drumming loud in my ears, as I’m flooded with warmth.

I need to touch him, to be close to him, and this can’t be like all the other times we’ve done this. There is so much more meaning in it now than there ever was before.

I love him.

And he loves me.

I’ve said these three words before, to my parents, my sister, old boyfriends, but the intensity of it has never been like this. This is what an intense, all-consuming love feels like; it’s real and honest and raw.

My hands are on his chest, his heartbeat matching mine, a fast and rhythmic feeling; the anticipation intense and when his mouth meets mine again, I grow weak.

I feel him turn me around and we walk clumsy toward the bedroom, both of us groping at each other’s clothes, desperate to feel the warmth of our skin.

I push his jeans to the floor and he slips off his boots, kicking his jeans off too as he backs me up against the bed.

My legs brush the comforter and I lay back.

I feel dizzy, lightheaded as if I’m spinning and I watch his eyes rake over my body and when he lies down, feeling the weight of his body on me, I gasp out loud .

He begins kissing me again, his lips soft and slow. Taking his time, he kisses my face and my neck, my shoulders and my lips as his fingers run down my arms. Each touch brings a shiver to my skin, but I need more. I need him.

Will kisses a line up my neck until he reaches my ear. I can hear his breath coming fast and ragged as he whispers, “I love you, Ellen.”

“Don’t stop, please,” I beg, and I feel like I’m melting. His words, his touch, the way he kisses me; it’s all more than I ever thought I would experience in my lifetime. It’s perfect.

My fingers trail up his arms, caressing the tight muscles in his biceps, and when I reach his neck, I cradle his face in my hands. Bringing his mouth to mine, I exhale slowly as I whisper, “I love you, Will.”

His hands slip around and undo my bra, but he’s slow and deliberate, taking his time as he slides the straps down each of my arms. Each brush of his fingers causes my body to respond.

My pulse rapid, my breathing labored, as my body tingles.

And when his lips press against mine, his tongue urging my lips apart, I open to him and feel the warmth of his mouth meet mine.

I’m ready for him.

And then it’s just us as I feel him push inside me.

Just once though, one simple action, one simple movement that shows our trust in each other and how much falling in love can change a person.

I moan when he pulls out and slides on a condom quickly.

I feel him enter me again and this time we both respond letting out a soft moan of desire.

His body moves faster, my hips matching the rhythm of his as he moves in and out.

Will pulls my nipple into his mouth, biting and sucking, and I call out as pleasure radiates through me.

I feel his lips trail along my overly sensitive skin, leaving a burning path everywhere they touch as he makes his way over my neck.

He bites and sucks, marking me and making me moan for more.

When he reaches my ear, his voice deep and sexy, he growls out, “One day I’m going to marry you and we’ll fuck like this every single night of our lives. ”

There’s nothing I want more than to marry him and to feel like this and to be this connected to him for the rest of my life.