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Xeraphine

“ A bsolute snakes!” I need to calm down, or I definitely won’t get my deposit back. “Fucking Vampires!” My shout isn’t subdued; I can only hope my neighbors are either still out, or deeply asleep and can’t hear me.

My hand shakes so hard I can barely retrieve my phone from my pocket to swipe up on the screen.

“That stupid prick!” I can’t unlock my phone because my hands are coated in blood. When I raise it to throw it against the wall, I halt and try to sedate the anxiety building in my chest. It’s been years since I’ve felt this way, but it’s also the first time my PTSD has ever been triggered.

I rush to the sink and wash my hands, trying not to tear my own fingers off as I scrub. “Pieces of shit!”

A nail nicks me, and I vibrate with unfiltered rage. I haven’t needed anything from anyone in nearly six years, but right now, I wish Sydni were here to tell me to calm down. Her smile would remind me that destroying this place would not be good for me. Those sparkly nails she’d be pointing at me with would gleam in my dimly lit apartment, reminding me that there is good in this cruel world.

Breathe, just fucking breathe.

Brr-ow. Mister trills. Brrr-ooowww.

After I finish cleaning my hands and drying them, I pick up my phone again. It’s nearly four in the morning, but I couldn’t give two-shits. I have only three numbers in my phone so it doesn’t take long to begin pushing the dial button. I’m surprised I don’t crack the screen with how hard I push it.

Ring. Ring.

“Pick the fuck up.”

Ring. Ring.

I bounce around on the balls of my feet, teeth chattering, flexing my free hand open and closed from a fist.

Ring —

“Hello?” The voice comes over the line sleepy, and I know I’ve woken her.

“Dr. Harper, it’s me. Xeraphine.” My tone carries trepidation, but I don’t care; I am afraid.

“Xeraphine, it’s four in the morning. Please call—”

“I’m having an episode, damn it!” I shout, and I can hear her wife grumbling beside her. “I don’t give a damn what time it is. I pay you for round-the-clock care whenever I need it. Get up!”

I stride across my living room and thrust open the sliding glass door to my balcony. Harper groans through the phone, but I hear her getting out of bed and feet shuffling across the hard floor. A door behind her closes; honestly, she should be grateful I’m even giving her the time to exit for privacy.

“What happened, Xeraphine?”

Harper, along with Sydni, are two of three people who know what I am and why I am doing what I’m doing. Sydni hadn’t needed threatening, but Harper did. She was bound by law to report dangerous activities, but I told her I’d expose her underground drug dealings to the authorities if she ever said a word.

She was what we would consider a Witch in modern times. Her ability to weave the psyche of someone’s mind, that was magic. It’s because of that, I spent every penny I had to make sure she followed me to Sidence, along with Sydni. It’s why I’m a broke bitch.

“I can’t say for certain what triggered it, but…” I lean over the railing, and I grind my teeth. “This fucking Vampire nearly decapitated me. Asshole!” I say through my clasped teeth.

Through the phone, I can hear writing, which is normal, “What else? ”

My eyes close, reliving the moment. The lifeforce of that Shifter from a week ago still flowing through me. Even when that one named Mathas broke from my hold, I held no fear. He was weak in comparison to me, even more so than the other Vampire who was oddly compliant.

Boring .

But when he…

“I was brought back to that moment. I was no longer in an alleyway, but back in that container…” I haven’t had a nightmare, or an episode in so long, I forgot what it felt like. Granted, no one ever got the drop on me. I’ve not been cut on any of my five points since the incident, and it was the only explanation of why this was happening.

Harper hums, “What happened next?”

“I lost fucking control, doc, what do you think?! I popped his head off. A dog to Achille!” That was a problem. Not only that, but I also let the other one live.

Kairhyse , my thoughts of him teem.

“He...” I squeeze the phone, anxiety building as my skin vibrates. “He smelled like one of them. The one that...” I force my eyes open, fearing flashbacks of that moment if I blink. “If he had answered me, he wouldn’t have had to die...”

A long sigh follows my sentence, “The only expectation between us, Xeraphine, is that we are honest with each other. Try again.”

I click my tongue against the roof of my mouth, “I didn’t want to kill tonight. I wanted to hold onto as much of this lifeforce I could for as long as possible. He may not have had to die, is that better?”

A ‘ mhmm ’ is all I get, so I continue, “The other one lived, which is—”

“There were two?” she interrupts me, and she knows how much I hate that shit.

“Yes, both Vampires, but he doesn’t matter.”

“Why did you let him live?”

“I didn’t want to kill tonight, Harper! I just said that!”

“But now he will go to Achille.”

Thanks for stating the obvious, you blonde-headed bimbo. No fucking shit !

I stifle myself. I do like Dr. Harper, even if she grinds my gears. She and Sydni would be best friends, but I refuse to let anyone know my princess. No one from my life can ever know I have someone I’m slightly weak for.

“I would have killed him, but there were too many witnesses.” He probably already went and cried to Achille, but I didn’t give my name. That Vampire Kairhyse won’t get anything on me. Thanks to Sydni, I’m a ghost.

When Harper stops writing, she sighs. “How are you feeling now?”

My heart settles, but I feel all the blood rushing in my veins, meaning I’m one toe stub away from unleashing the Beyond on this place.

“Why am I not fixed, Harper?” I move to a sitting position, curling my legs up to my chest and huddling in the corner of the five-or-so-foot balcony. “I shouldn’t be like this after so long.”

“As I’ve said many a time, Xeraphine, there is nothing wrong with you.” This bitch is such a liar, but I won’t call her out on it. She may actually feel that way. “Trauma is not an illness, there is no magical cure for it. What happened to you, it will never go away.” I hate when she goes all mental on me. “There is no medicine in the world that could make it just disappear.”

“Yeah, but ten fucking years? Just the other day, I fed a man his own dick and wanted to orgasm because of it.”

“Oh, Gods damn Xeraphine, I didn’t—”

I don’t let her finish, “This shouldn’t happen. I want to restart our sessions.”

She grumbles, and I nearly shout, “I pay you—”

“Monday afternoons. Do you need them in person?” Harper interjects.

As much as I would like that—so I can see her face if she’s lying to me—with this new issue, I can’t risk my only outlet being targeted. Since I don’t like weighing Sydni down with my fucking problems. “No. Send me a calendar invite tomorrow.”

The sound of a notebook closing came with a sigh from her, “Revenge is exhausting. You haven’t taken a break since you began this… journey, Xeraphine. Six years. Maybe taking a break would help, but, we will talk more next week.”

I don’t respond and hang up the phone.

“Kairhyse…” I grit my teeth. I’m so angry. So. Fucking. Angry.

Two days later, and I finally get a call from Sydni. I don’t think I’ve ever dialed her number but once, even if these last two days have been tempting me to do so.

“Phiny-bear!”

The sound of the subway approaching makes me take a few steps forward. I stop at the yellow risen mark, a warning to stay back until the train has come to a full stop.

“Hey,” I say with a drawl. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

She releases a soft squeal, “I’m a pleasure?!” I regret saying it nearly immediately as the last word spills from her over-exuberant lips.

I stay silent, and she clears her throat. “Sorry I didn’t call you sooner, work has been overwhelming.” The train comes to a stop then, and as the passengers filter out, I make my way in. “You came up at work the other day, and it’s been hectic. They put a call out for you and a male, which I’ve been sifting and trying to redirect.”

She had been a bank representative before I helped move her into a more fulfilling career opportunity. While selfish of me, Sydni has a natural talent and has helped a lot of people. Now, she was a dispatcher for the City of Sidence.

“The male…” She was pushing.

“What about him?”

“His description, by the Goddess.” I had tried my damnedest not to think about him and how stupidly attractive he was.

His skin was a light shade of ebony, with silky, slightly wavy hair pulled over one shoulder, exposing the other side that was shaved. The sharp features of his clearly shaven face, from his jawline to his nose, fucking Beyond, I wanted to sit on it. Fluffy dark eyebrows that complimented his piercing crimson eyes.

The scar on his right eye is a tattoo because I know Vampires don’t succumb to mutilation of their skin. I can’t help but be curious as to why he would do that.

I saw the tattoos on his neck, and suspected that there were more. His hand, the one that grabbed me around my throat, had the marking of Achille.

“What about him?” I finally respond.

“Uhhh—” she drew out the word for so long I was at the next stop before she finally continued, “is he not as delicious as he sounds? “

I roll my eyes and lean against the pole. There are plenty of seats, but I have to stay on my toes. I know I am being followed, but I don’t want to make it obvious that I am aware of it. That and these trains can get packed pretty quickly. I refuse to be suffocated and confined in a sea of people. Talk about an anxiety attack—I need to be able to escape if a rush of bodies comes in, which I can't do if I’m seated.

“Yes, he was delicious looking, Syd. Doesn’t make him not a dead man.”

Though, unlike his partner, I may feed on him first. His scent of cinnamon and spice, and a lingering fruity flavor, is glued to my tongue. Which I can’t tell if I’m angered about, or okay with. It’s not distracting, but I doubt I’ll enjoy feeding on anyone until I’ve had it.

“Too bad,” she coos, “can I still come over t—”

“Shh,” I cut her off. “If it’s on my calendar, yes.”

“Can you confirm if it’s on your calendar?” I can tell she has that stupid-ass smile on her face.

“When I get home, yes, I’ll text you.” I end up just hanging the phone up. I’m aware she called me to let me know of my name coming up at work. If there was anything else, we could talk about it over text.

Speaking of, incoming text message.

Buzz. Buzz.

Insatiable.

S Diar [02:33]

Tell me about him.

Why? Nothing to tell.

S Diar [02:34]

Obviously something happened. You didn’t kill him.

I’m a little frustrated that both her and Harper said the same thing. Am I that easy to read? I didn’t kill everyone that pissed me off. Almost, but not all.

I didn’t get the chance. I said he’s a dead man, remember?

S Diar [02:34]

A Vampire from reports. What did he smell like?

I’m not sharing that with you.

S Diar [02:34]

Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee?

??????

I don’t respond. Instead, I slip my phone into my pants, grab my wireless earbuds, and put them into my ears. I tap twice, and my music begins playing. I’m unconcerned about being followed; I’m honestly more confused than anything. Why hasn’t my stalker made a move? It’s not like he hasn’t already ripped me away in the middle of a dance floor. Sure, I could make a scene, but I won't, and he has to know that.

There’s a reason I’m leaving myself open and vulnerable. The sooner we tussle, the better. I have this sneaking suspicion he won’t leave me alone until one of us is dead—and I wonder if he knows enough of my kind to understand that I can’t be killed.

As I make my way out of the subway station, emerging into the darkened streets, I feel the tingling sensation of his eyes on me.

“Fucking dog.”

Annoying .