Page 95 of All We Thought We Knew

“Ava, can you tell me your whole name?”

Mama blinked, her brow furrowed. “Ava... Delaney.”

Fear surged up in me. “What’s wrong? Why is she so confused?” I whispered.

Nurse Bradford kept her attention on Mama. “Ava, do you know where you are?”

A long silence lapsed as Mama slowly gazed around the room. “The farm.”

“That’s right. And who is this young woman?” she asked, pointing to me.

Mama stared at me, her face blank.

“It’s me, Mama. Mattie,” I said, desperate for my mother to return to her normal self.

“Mattie,” she repeated. Whether or not she knew I was her daughter, I wasn’t sure.

“I think you should take a little rest now, Ava,” Nurse Bradford said. “We can tend to your bath later.”

By the time the nurse had her tucked beneath the covers, Mama was asleep. Nurse Bradford motioned me into the hallway.

I didn’t wait for her to speak. “What’s wrong with Mama? I’ve never seen her this confused. She didn’t even know me.”

Nurse Bradford’s usual gentle smile and calming words were gone, replaced with a grave look in her eyes.

“I can’t be certain, but I suspect the cancer has reached your mother’s brain.”

I gasped and covered my mouth.

“I’ll call Dr. Monahan and let him know. He’ll want to examine Ava, but without an X-ray, there’s no way to be sure.”

She hurried downstairs to use the telephone. I stood in the doorway to Mama’s room, tears clouding my vision.

“Please don’t take her,” I whispered, not realizing I was praying until the words were out of my mouth. I didn’t stop. “Don’t take her,” I hissed. “Not like you took Mark. I need her.”

Mama groaned and tossed her head back and forth on the pillow.

I hurried to her. “Rest easy, Mama.” I smoothed her cheek. “I’m right here with you.”

She quieted for a time. I thought she’d fallen asleep when she stirred again. This time she mumbled something unintelligible.

“What, Mama? What did you say?”

Her eyes sprang open. Fear filled her face, and she reached for my hand.

“Gunther,” she said, panicked. “Where’s Gunther? I need him.”

My heart felt as though it came to a screeching halt as I stared at her in horror.

Mama wasn’t calling out for Dad.

She was calling out for Gunther Schneider.

• • •

“Brain metastases occur when cancer cells spread from their original site to the brain,” Dr. Monahan said as Dad, Nash, and I sat silent in the living room. Nurse Bradford remained upstairs with Mama so the doctor could deliver his devastating prognosis after his examination. “As the metastatic tumors grow, they create pressure on the brain, changing the function of surrounding tissue. This causes symptoms like headaches, personality changes, memory loss, and even seizures. Although we don’t have conclusive proof that is what’s happening, I’ve seen it before. There isn’t any other reason why Ava would suddenly be forgetful of her environment and the people around her.”

I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t look at anyone.