Page 66 of All That Glitters

“But it still works the way them fancy squibs do,” Todd continued. “You put some gunpowder in the condom there, and when you touch the wires to a battery, whole thing goes kapow! Splatters ketchup all over like a gunshot.”

“Think it’ll work?” Tony asked, eyeing the makeshift squib skeptically. It looked like a prop from a very weird, very dangerous party that ends in a visit to the emergency room and police investigation.

“Oh, it’ll work,” Craig said. “Todd here’s been blowing up stuff since he was five. Ain’t ya, Todd?”

“And that ain’t countin’ my kindergarten classroom,” Todd added without a hint of irony.

Inside her trailer, Carrie was crouched on top of her futon, cautiously peeking over the side for any sign of the furry invader. A knock came at the door.

“It’s open,” she said, refusing to step down from the safety of the futon.

Todd walked in, then stopped. “Er, uhm... if yer busy, I can come back.”

Carrie frantically shook her head. “No. You need to catch it.”

“Catch what?”

“The mouse. One of you guys put a mouse in here.”

“Oh, that’s just Wilber,” Todd said. “He ain’t gonna hurt you.”

She looked at him. “The mouse is named Wilber?”

“That’s right. Roy named him after his granddad.”

“So, Roy’s the one I need to kill?”

“If it makes any difference, I’m sure he feels real bad about it.”

“He’s going to feel even worse.”

Todd smiled. “I’ll have Carl come get it while you’re filmin’ this next scene. Meantime, we gotta get you wired with this here squib.” He held it up.

Carrie looked at the strange ketchup and gunpowder-filled condom with the two wires hanging out of it. Could this day get any weirder?

“You’re kidding me.”

“No ma’am. This here’s for the scene where Jessica gets shot accidental like.”

Carrie frowned, still crouched on top of the futon as she eyed the latex explosive with deep skepticism. “Is it safe?”

Todd shrugged. “Tested it on Elvis last night. Ain’t heard no complaints.”

That wasn’t at all reassuring. “Where does it go?”

Todd pointed vaguely at her chest. “Under yer shirt. Near yer… er, women things there.”

She looked down at her chest, then back at him. “You’re kidding me.”

“Nope.”

Carrie groaned. “Alright. But if you blow up my women things, you’re dead.”

Todd swallowed. “Understood.”

“Good. Now I need you to distract the mouse while I get off this futon and put that thing on.”

A few minutes later, Carrie stepped down from the trailer with Todd and crossed the set to where the crew were setting up the shot. She spotted Roy doing his best to hide behind the camera, and mouthed ‘you die’ as she headed over to her mark by a large tombstone, the two thin wires dangling conspicuously from beneath her shirt.