Page 25 of Alien Jeopardy (Mated & Afraid #1)
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FOUR
Ka-Rexsh
She’s shaking. I have her as physically close to me as I can, and still, she’s trembling all over, the smell of her fear clouding out her usual scent.
The need to take care of her is the most overwhelming instinctive drive I have ever experienced, on par with the need to breathe.
“Listen to me,” I tell her, giving her a small shake.
Dazed, she stares up at me, her pupils huge with terror.
“We are going to do our best, do you understand? We are not going to give up, or do anything we cannot live with, because that is not who we are.” It’s not who I am.
There were many times, in the service of the king, that I chose to do better. To face punishment instead of mete it out.
“We will survive, and we will find a way through this.”
Ellison continues to tremble. “I think we should have sex.”
My jaw drops. Of all the things I expected her to say, that wasn’t one of them.
I despise myself for how much I want to take her up on it.
“I am not going to mate with you under these circumstances, Ellison,” I reply belatedly. “I won’t coerce you, or let… this thing coerce you.”
“It’s not coercion.” She shakes her head. “It’s logic. I need to be able to function, and I can hardly think straight, thanks to the heat.”
She has a point.
I hate it.
“No,” I tell her in a clipped voice, ignoring the way my cock’s painfully hard, skithing away in preparation for what she said she wants. “I won’t let this take your choice from you.”
“I am choosing to have sex with you to protect us both, and to take some pleasure before we have to…” she makes a noise of disgust, “survive out there. This might be the last chance we get.”
“But you are not choosing to be mated to me,” I say, the words soft.
Her head hangs, and then she tilts her face back up to me, a glint in her eyes. “No. Not yet. I am choosing to survive. You will have better odds if I’m not a feverish mess. We both need to be able to focus.”
As if I would be able to focus with my heart walking around, in danger, beside me.
She’s right, though. Once my mating poison has finished her heat, she’ll be better.
Draegon females are stronger, faster after a sated heat. I won’t tell her that, though, because I don’t want to put any more pressure on her than there already is.
“It might hurt my ability to focus on anything but keeping you safe,” I mutter.
“I don’t see how that’s a downside for me,” she says.
I take a deep breath, trying to form some sort of coherent argument. “You don’t want to be my mate.”
“Not right now. Right now, I want to survive. After that? Who knows.” Her gaze darts between my eyes, and I see nothing but truth reflected back at me.
What kind of mate would I be to deny her the increased safety of not being in heat?
“This isn’t fair to you,” I say softly, wishing I were stronger, wishing I could deny her and know it was the right thing to do.
“None of this is fair, not to any of us.” Her tongue darts out as she licks her lips. “I want to live, Ka-Rexsh.”
It’s the first time she’s tried to say my full name, and though I think the smaller version she uses is adorable, this sets me on fire, making my mind up for me.
“I’m sorry that I might not be able to give you what you want, though.” Her brown eyes are huge in her face, and the fact she’s apologized for that—for wanting to be alive, then for being worried about hurting me—it breaks something inside me wide open.
“I’m sorry that I don’t have all the time in the world to make you love me. But I can give you this right now,” I tell her.
She blinks up at me as I cup her face, and the runaway pace of her heart so loud I can hear it.
At first, I’m worried, worried I won’t be enough for her, that I won’t make it good for her in this limited time we have, but the minute I drag my mouth over hers, she grinds mindlessly against me, and all those worries disappear.
I lose all rational thought.
This is my female.
Maybe not forever, but for this moment, for the span of these breaths we share?
Ellison is mine.