Page 49 of Alessandra (Chisholm Manor #1)

Four weeks later, Edward and Alessandra began spending time together outside more.

They enjoyed the simplicity of walking around the gardens as summer established and the days grew warmer.

"When would you like your mother to come and stay, my love?" Edward asked her, noticing her tiredness as she became larger with the life growing inside of her.

"We can send for her at any time."

Alessandra looked at her husband and was once again thankful for having been wed to a man who was so considerate, and seemingly not at all afraid of his in-laws.

In response to his question, she nodded and smiled at him.

"It would be nice to see my mother and father, Edward," she said.

"As soon as it is possible, I would like them to be invited.

They can then decide when is most suitable, if you are in agreement with that."

Edward nodded at her.

"Of course.

Write to them and let them know they are welcome whenever they are ready to come.

I will arrange their travel here," he said quietly.

Alessandra looked at him.

Although a month had passed, she knew that he still clung to something about Tom's death, but was determined to not talk to her about it.

She respected that and did not push him, but it made the length of her pregnancy seem to go on even longer, knowing that something was between them that was not being spoken of.

Silently she wished time would pass more quickly so that their child could be brought into the world, and she and Edward would not have to be so careful anymore.

As she clung tighter to his arm as they walked, Edward looked at her face, also feeling a void between them that he, too, knew was due to the censoring of conversation they now had between them, at least temporarily.

Even though they were together every day, still the lack of desire to speak freely in case he caused her stress, contributed to a slight feeling of loneliness sometimes in each of them.

He knew that Alessandra would welcome the conversation, but would not pressure him to provide further details about Tom's death.

If he was honest with himself, Edward could not pinpoint which aspect of the matter he most wanted to avoid telling her. Still in his mind was the haunting possibility of Tom having been in the forest, watching Alessandra and Edward making love. He knew it made no sense to think about it as Tom was now dead, so it did not matter what he had seen. It still felt like a violation of Alessandra's privacy, and the love Edward and his wife shared, knowing that another man might have seen her body.

Suddenly feeling weighed down by the undesired quietness between them, Alessandra stopped walking and forced him to turn and look at her.

"Alessandra," Edward said with a slight sound of alarm in his voice.

"What is it?"

Alessandra moved up to him, her large belly settling between them, and put her hands up to either side of his face before leaning in and kissing him.

Although Edward tried to hold back, this time she did not let him.

She held him there, kissing him as passionately as she could, with all the love she had for him.

She desperately wanted him to let go of whatever was inside of him that was keeping him from being with her fully.

Edward felt overwhelmed.

His wife knew how to capture him and make him forget things, making him breathless and dismissive of responsibility.

As she kissed him in the first truly passionate exchange they'd had in weeks, he fought in his resolve to do the right thing by her.

She persisted in forcing him to acknowledge that they should be intimate. It was how the two of them were meant to be. Regardless of them agreeing to not join again until after the baby was born, the void between them had overflowed into their intimacy when it hadn't needed to.

Alessandra heard Edward moan as his passion deepened in the kiss.

Finally, she felt his resolve start to fall away as he put his arms around her and held her firmly, kissing her back with overdue fervour.

They stood like that for a long time, not touching in any other way, and yet heavily fuelled in their passion.

Edward argued with himself that he should keep away from such passion with her.

At the same time, he conceded that he needed it - he needed her.

He wanted to be away from her, to let her be relaxed until after the child was born, but she had initiated the kiss. He knew she wanted him, just as she had always wanted him. He still could not understand why that was when he was who he was, and he looked like he did, but he could not deny that she always wanted him. Neither her pregnancy nor news of Tom's death had changed that. The only person who had changed was him. As he continued to enjoy the feeling of her lips eagerly devouring his, he was angry at himself for having acted so rashly in trying to control everything between them, instead of letting things happen as they were meant to happen.

Alessandra indulged in the blissful feelings rushing through her entire body.

She knew that Edward had been right to hold back from the two of them joining in recent weeks.

Even without any consideration of the baby itself, she acknowledged inwardly to herself that she had become so large that it was no longer comfortable to be with him in that way.

The feelings that occurred between them, even from their passionate kissing, seemed so exciting and so natural. A part of her did not want to stop. They continued until, eventually, they both eased off and away from each other enough to be able to look into each other's eyes.

"I miss you," Alessandra said quietly.

She spoke with great passion in her voice, determined to make him understand that the decision he'd made to not talk to her as he always had done before - openly, about everything - was affecting their relationship.

Edward looked closely at her with great conflict.

Everything seemed right and yet everything seemed wrong.

Being so close to her, he took time to look deeply into her eyes, and down to her lips.

He realised that, despite them having spent normal time together every single day, he had been missing her too.

He said nothing.

Instead, he took her hand and led her as he started to walk.

Alessandra sighed to herself, accepting he was not reachable yet.

As she became mindful of where they were walking, she realised he was leading her to their bedchamber.

Inside the room, Edward began to kiss her passionately again.

He knew that she needed the closeness as much as he did, and felt her lean firmly against him as their lips and tongues entwined.

As he kissed her neck, he heard her moan.

It was a sound he'd missed. It seemed far too long since he'd last heard it.

He took his time alternating between kissing her lips and undressing her slowly, until she stood naked before him.

With the time that had passed since they had last lain together, he saw how much her belly had grown.

It fuelled and increased his love for her.

He led her to the bed and guided her to lie down before removing all of his clothing and joining her under the blankets.

Kneeling near her, he kissed her from head to toe.

Alessandra lay back and let him take things at his own pace, understanding he was forcing the start of a healing process over whatever had been haunting him.

She watched him as he looked at every piece of her, lowering his hands and his lips at different spots while returning his gaze to her eyes intermittently.

She did not try and touch him, knowing that if he wanted her to, he would encourage her to.

She watched as he kissed all over her belly.

The depth of her love for him surged through her.

At that moment, she didn't care about anything to do with Tom's death.

Yes, it had saddened her to hear that he was dead, but whatever Tom had done, or whatever aspect of his death had Edward consumed, Alessandra knew she wouldn't care about it. It was nothing compared to the emotion that she felt with and for Edward. If only she could get him to understand that, and just let go of whatever worried him.

Edward kissed and caressed her over and over before lying down beside her, pulling her to him as they faced each other.

Still he continued to kiss her, gently and with love more than passion.

Alessandra indulged in the loving kisses and waited for him to get to the place she knew he would, where he would open up and talk to her once again.

Edward felt himself relax.

He didn't need sexual release at all.

What he needed most of all was to just be close to her, without holding back.

He continued to kiss her lips, enjoying the taste of her and the sound of her deep breaths. It was like meditation for him. He finally felt his body relax and his mind quieten after weeks of internal stress.

Alessandra felt him pull away from her.

When she opened her eyes, she saw him looking at her.

"I have missed you too," he whispered as he held her close but could still look into her eyes.

Alessandra waited patiently, looking at him without any pressure being placed on him.

Finally, he spoke.

"I love you so much, Alessandra, and I worry that anything I say..."

"Edward, you need not worry as much as you do.

I am well, and our child is healthy.

What is causing you so much concern?" she asked and waited.

Edward continued to look conflicted. She forced him to look at her as she continued to speak. "Whatever is worrying you, is flowing through to affect us. That is far more heartbreaking to me than whatever you are thinking about, I am certain. Please, Edward, let it out so that we can be as we were before this happened."

Edward looked at her and felt desire for her but pushed that away.

Instead, he focused on his words.

"The letters that you were missing from your mother ... that were not reaching us..." he started and she nodded, encouraging him to continue.

"They were being intercepted by Tom so they would not reach you."

Alessandra felt and looked confused.

"That makes no sense.

Why would he do something like that? And how did he do that?"

"He returned to your home and befriended your mother and father so he could offer to send the letters on their behalf, but instead of posting them, he held onto them and did not."

Edward watched his wife's face as she tried to make sense of what she was being told.

"Alessandra, do you remember how worried you were about your mother when you had not heard from her?" he asked and saw her nod.

"That was his plan.

He wanted you to worry so much that you would go home to see your mother.

He had not considered that with you being with child, it might be me who rode to check on your parents, rather than you."

Alessandra heard and analysed the revelation as Edward studied her face.

"Did you see Tom when you went there?" she asked.

Edward nodded. "Yes."

"What happened?"

"When I was with your parents, he walked in.

Initially, he appeared surprised to see me there.

He then went on to tell me that he was going to do whatever it would take to get you back, because in his mind, the two of you were supposed to be together."

Alessandra pictured the scene in her head.

"Were my parents there?" she asked and saw Edward nod.

"They saw this interaction between you and Tom?"

"They did.

I think they only then realised they had been fooled by him - used by him for the purpose of causing grief in our life together."

Edward saw Alessandra's face intensify with concern.

It made him question whether he had done the right thing, starting the conversation.

Still she asked more questions, leaving him no choice but to keep moving forward.

"But that is not what has been bothering you, is it? Yes, I am sure it must have been horrible for you and my parents to discover Tom's intent and his true nature, but what are you still not telling me, Edward?"

"Tom's body was found on the estate," he said and paused before finding the strength to continue.

"He was found not far from the waterfall, and the estimation of how long he had been there..."

Alessandra finally understood the conflict in the man before her - the man she loved so deeply.

"You think that Tom was watching us, that last day that we were there," she said and saw him nod slightly as a tear appeared.

"You are worried that he saw us make love."

Edward looked up at her, the horrific thought crossing his mind again, and resulting in his eyes clouding over with tears.

He knew it was not something to cry over, and yet something about the violation of their privacy did deeply affect him.

Alessandra kissed him softly, summoning her strength to put him at ease.

"Edward, even if he was there that day, and even if he did see us, it does not matter.

Why does this upset you so?"

"He would have seen you..."

"Oh, my love.

My body is yours alone, and I do not wish for anyone else to see it - ever - but if he watched us, then that is done.

If he was found nearby, he did not have any opportunity to share anything he saw, even if he had intended to, which I doubt he would have.

I love you for wanting to protect me so much, but Tom is dead. He will not be able to hurt us, and I am not hurt by thinking that he might have seen me with you like that. If he saw us together, then all he would have seen was how much I love you, and how much we share as husband and wife."

"To me, it feels like he violated you..." Edward started to say Alessandra pulled him closer and soothed him.

"Yes, I can see how much it affects you, but, Edward, I have not been violated.

Even with this news, I do not feel it.

Tom does not matter to me.

All I care about is you, and our child, and my parents, and your parents. Whatever Tom was intending, and whatever he did, he is gone and he will never hurt us. He could never have hurt us, because I love you so much. There was never any way he could have changed that."

Edward looked into her eyes and felt himself start to relax.

She had such inner strength that sometimes he found himself in awe of her.

Suddenly he thought back to when she had arrived at the manor, and how incredibly timid she had been.

He smiled at the memory.

"What makes you smile so?" Alessandra asked him, hoping all of his worries might finally be at peace.

Edward gave her the most incredible smile.

It made her blush softly.

"I was remembering how you were when you first came here - those first few days.

I never would have guessed at that time, just how strong you are," Edward said and relaxed into himself for a further moment, formulating words in his head.

"I am blessed to have you, Alessandra, and I do love you so much."

Alessandra saw tears once again return to her husband's eyes.

She kissed him softly before speaking.

"I love you too, Edward, but please, if there is anything else bothering or worrying you, speak now.

Let me put your mind at ease.

It has not been the same with you so concerned about Tom.

You are far more important to me than anything you can be worrying about."

Edward kissed her in reply and pulled her closer to him.

"All is well, my lovely wife.

It has been just this horrible business about Tom that has been consuming my mind.

Are you sure you are alright with what I have told you today?"

Alessandra kissed him once more, pulling him into a passionate embrace and reassuring him through her actions that she was not giving Tom Missinger another thought.