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Chapter Nine

I n the infirmary Ben checked Elspeth’s vitals as he did every hour. Her pulse had slowed from forty to thirty beats per minute, but at least the rate was regular. So were the soft, shallow breaths she took. Without a thermometer he could only estimate her body temperature, but it seemed at a normal level. The substance keeping her in stasis also made her retain all of her body fluids, which would soon create a problem. Unless the enchantment locking her inside the glassy shroud could deal with that aspect, her organs would soon begin shutting down.

He didn’t know whether or not it would—or could—keep Elspeth alive under these circumstances. He had no idea how Fae magic worked.

Ben covered her up before he went over to his worktable and stared at the herbs and tinctures he’d made to use as medicines. Nothing he’d made could cure anything more serious than a tension headache or sleepless night. He took down a crock of hawthorn berries, which he had been adding to his brews simply because he liked the taste. They had all sorts of positive effects on human beings, but they couldn’t revive Elspeth.

Nothing can. Her heart will continue to slow until it stops. She’s going to die.

Ben turned and heaved the crock into the hearth, taking great pleasure in seeing it shatter and spill its contents all over the burning wood. He turned to reach for another container, but before he could fling it into the flames a big hand caught his arm.

“Burning yarrow shall only make the infirmary stink,” Ulf told him as he took the pot from his fist and set it down. “Our poor lass doesnae deserve that, surely.”

“Get out.” He wrenched his arm away and hurried across the room to put space between them. When he glanced back he saw the blond man standing beside the chambermaid and pressing his hand to her cheek. “Don’t touch her.”

“’Twillnae harm her.” He bent down and pressed his mouth to her full lips for a moment. “I’d never dare do such before now. I’m done with waiting and longing from afar. The moment she wakes, I mean to kiss her for hours.”

“You’d better first get her permission next time, or I’ll beat the shit out of you.” Ben suddenly grew exhausted. “Please just go.”

Ulf straightened and regarded him. “I reckoned ’twas her you desire. ’Tis why I never acted on my wonts before now. You want us both.”

How could he explain what it was to be bisexual to a man who believed in gods of thunder and war, and that his tattoos would protect him in battle? That when Ben looked at anyone he saw a person, not a gender?

“I am physically attracted to men and women,” he finally told the hunter. “I know it’s not acceptable to people of your time. In my world many share your prejudices, but that’s simply how I am. I’m not interested in monogamy—being with just one person—either. I’ve never had the romantic relationship I’ve wanted because most men and women don’t understand people like me. It’s easier being alone than trying to find what I want.”

“Ah.” Ulf’s furrowed brow smoothed. “’Tis called a tripling among my clan. My lady màthair’s husband had great affection for his steward, and so she took him into their bed. I’ve the same nature.”

“Fine, then I suppose you do understand.” He looked over at the other person he adored. “None of it means anything if Elspeth dies.”

The hunter crossed the room and put a hand on his face. “Then you must save her, Healer, for I intend to have you both.”

All the loneliness welled up in him; two years of restless nights and endless days of longing from afar. He put his hand on Ulf’s nape and bent down to press his face against his strong neck.

“I’ve been dreaming of you and her for so long.” He’d always avoided confessing, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. “Whenever you got too close to me I’d have to lock myself in the sitting room for an hour.”

“Indeed.” Ulf drew him closer and put his arms around him. “Did I make your cock hard, Benedict? Did you take it into your hand and imagine me touching you thus?”

He already had an erection that had grown so hard and swollen he wondered how it hadn’t torn through his pants.

“I thought of you and Elspeth in bed with me, touching and kissing me.” He had grown so sick of being ashamed of that. “You putting me in her, and then coming inside me.”

The hunter urged him over to the cot, where the chambermaid lay locked in sleep. Ben gasped as he saw for the first time her eyes moving under her lids, which was an indication that she had entered REM sleep.

“She’s dreaming,” he said, pointing at the subtle shifting of her eyes. “Maybe she heard our voices.”

“Do you like what we said, love?” Ulf asked her, and placed one hand on her belly. “Do you dream of sharing a bed with me and the healer? Come back to us, and we shall love you together every night you wish.”

“You’re out of your mind,” Ben murmured. “She probably has no idea that you and I both want...” His voice trailed off as he saw that the hunter had pulled up her skirts. “What are you doing?”

“Rousing her may give her the strength to break free of the enchantment.” He tugged at the lace of her drawers.

“Not until she’s awake and can agree to that,” Ben said flatly, pushing his hand away and pulling down her skirts again, and then an idea came to him. “Maybe we could share her dreams.”

E lspeth wandered the strange world where she had been left and forsaken. Everything here looked exactly as Dun Talamh did, save for the colors. Instead of the warm red granite of the stronghold, the vivid green of the sky, and the dark brown of the earth, everything around her looked white and frozen. Yet when she touched something it seemed to be hard, like bone, but only cool. She walked endlessly around the stronghold, passing through the alabaster gardens and following the curve of the milky stone inner curtain wall, afraid to go inside and see the people she loved transformed into blanched statues.

She also feared she might be turning to one, for it had become almost impossible for her to move quickly. Her feet dragged, and her arms had grown heavy. Indeed, if she slowed any more she would soon be left a statue herself.

Elspeth.

We’re here.

Come back to us, love.

She changed direction to follow the sound of the two voices calling to her; one she was almost sure belonged to Ulf. Had the hunter found her in the passage where she had fallen? Was he even now carrying her to the infirmary? Ben would find a way to revive her, surely. The clan’s healer was a brilliant man.

Unless I’m now dead.

When she reached the threshold of the garrison hall she stopped and twisted her apron in nervous hands. Women were not permitted to enter the clan’s living quarters during daylight hours; if she were caught inside by the war master he would give her a terrible scolding. Yet she was certain the voices had come from inside.

Kelso appeared, blocking her path. Do you need me again, lassie?

Something in his eyes made her take a step back. She couldn’t speak, but she could think. Did you call to me?

Aye, ’tis all I’ve done since you first offered to share my bed. He reached out to fondle her breast. Ever I wished to please you. You remember, that time when we hardly slept at all.

I remember. He had been so demanding as a lover on their first night together she had nearly swooned with blissfulness. I am grateful to you, Kel.

His jaw tightened. Then you shouldnae go to them.

Are you there? she called out, peering in through the open doors.

Yes, we’re here. We’re waiting for you, Els. Come to us.

That was Ben, the clan’s healer, and the terrible need to see him made her rush into the hall. Instead of everything being white it looked as it did in her waking world, only a little darker. Warm air whirled around her as she walked through the center tower room and entered the passage that led into the garrison’s quarters. Cold, black torches burst into flame as she passed them, and then she saw the men standing at the other end of the passage.

Ben and Ulf.

She ran to them, trying to hug them both, and finally spoke out loud. “You found me.”

The healer smiled down at her.

This is a dream , his voice said inside her mind. Ulf and I are sleeping beside you in his chamber in the garrison hall. You were attacked by something that froze you. Do you remember what it was?

“Aye, a hailstone mayhap. Something small, made from ice.” She described what had happened, and then looked at Ulf, who was stroking her back. “Cannae you wake me?”

Healer’s tried his best, but no’ yet, love. The hunter brought her hand to his lips. We wish to attempt something more, but we need your leave first.

Surely he did not mean... Elspeth cringed at the wantonness of her own thoughts. She had only just been with Kelso; his seed still dampened her thighs. How could she even think of such a thing? She blinked, and the three of them were walking into a chamber with a blazing fire and a huge bed which Elspeth recognized as belonging to the laird.

We shouldnae be here. ’Tisnae seemly.

The healer squeezed her hand. We would never do anything to you while you’re helpless, Els.

A moment later she lay in the laird’s big bed with Ben and Ulf at her sides. The hunter had his hand on her belly, and the healer was stroking back her hair. Their touch made her chebs swell and a hot wetness gush from her quim as if one of them had already finished inside her. Were they doing this in the waking world? Had the men she’d most wanted taken her to bed? The prospect had her so excited she nearly lost herself in the thrill of it.

Ulf propped himself up to meet her gaze. Give us leave to love you, lass.

Her gaze shifted, and she saw Kelso standing next to the bed. He smiled at her, his eyes burning with passion as they ever did when he looked upon her. In her mind she heard his last vow to her.

I shall tell you whatever you wish hear. I shall do as you bid me. I’m yours, lassie. You’ve but to keep me.

“I cannae be with either of you,” Elspeth said, and choked back a sob. She had always conducted herself properly, and she could not do otherwise now, no matter how much she wished to. “I’m Kelso’s lover, and I’ve been since winterfall. I must first tell him we cannae continue on, and that I wish to put an end to it.”

It’s all right, darling girl. We can wait. Ben took hold of one of her hands, and Ulf grasped the other. Can you take us back to what happened to you, and show us this hailstone?

While she knew dreams at Dun Talamh could seem so real she’d often thought herself awake, Elspeth had never tried to do such a thing. “How?”

The hunter kissed her fingertips. Remember where you were just before it happened.

From the bed the three of them spun into a blur of white, which then changed into the passage just outside the laird’s chamber. Kelso had just left her, and she had been walking down the passage, which she did again now with Ben and Ulf. She recalled how dazed she had been, and then once more stepped on something.

“There.” She lifted her foot and pointed at the small chunk of ice under her slipper. “’Tis the hailstone that turned me to ice.”

Ben crouched down, but before he could pick it up the hunter grabbed his wrist to stop him. He frowned up at him. This isn’t real. It’s a memory.

We dinnae ken how powerful an enchantment ’tis. Mayhap the magic may affect the living even through dreams. Ulf regarded her. Lass, did the thing come into you somehow?

His question made her shudder.

“No, it crawled onto my ankle.” She glanced down to see it doing the same thing again. “’Tisnae a hailstone. ’Tis a golach.”

O livia finished packing up her things, and folded the dress she was making out of the red-dyed fabric. Her decision to share Alec’s quarters again seemed a little ridiculous now that she’d had time to brood over it. No doubt the maids would spread the word and make a lot of snide remarks behind her back. If she had ever gone to high school, she imagined it would be just like this.

I don’t care. He needs me.

It had been an impulsive decision. Whenever she was around Alec, she grew so befuddled she couldn’t really think straight. He really knew how to manipulate her—or maybe it was being fussed over by such a handsome guy. As a result, she’d now be spending her nights with him as his personal security blanket, apparently. Of course, she didn’t want him to pace the halls every night worrying about her, but was that the real reason behind his insistence that she stay in his room? Why couldn’t she believe what he’d told her?

He’s hiding something. I know that, but I don’t know what, or why.

The other front of her silent war was this endless battle she was fighting against herself. She had this new, beautiful body that for the first time in her life made her like other women. She wanted Alec to become her lover, and he wanted her, too. Yet on the other side of the battlefield loomed Mae’s specter like some gaunt, black grim reaper, ready to steal away all her hope of happiness. She had these terrible urges to lock herself away from Alec, so she would be safer. At least she knew how to cope with being alone.

It doesn’t matter that Mae is gone. She trained me to hate myself.

Olivia went over to the wash stand, where she splashed her hot face with water. She would go and move into Alec’s room, and she would sleep with him tonight. If he wanted to make love, she’d do that, too. She wanted him and there was nothing wrong with having sex. Neither of them were married to or involved with others. Because he was half-Fae he couldn’t get her pregnant. It was one hundred percent okay, as her therapist would say.

If I disappoint him, and we aren’t a good match for each other, then I’ll deal with that, too.

The clan’s beautiful chatelaine, Inga, came in just as she tied up the bundle of her clothing. For a moment she looked upset, but then she gave her one of her lovely, serene smiles.

“I’d hoped you could be my roommate a little longer,” she said. “I’ll have to ask one of the kitchen maids to join me. Has Lady Ava arranged private quarters for you?”

“No, she hasn’t.” Slowly she put down the bundle and perched on the edge of the bed. “Alec asked me to move back in with him.” Because she couldn’t help herself, she added, “I was just arguing with myself over saying that I would, without really thinking about it.”

“He’s quite intimidating when he wants to be.” The blonde woman came over and sat down beside her. “You can always change your mind, too. The laird has made it very clear that every woman here will always have the right to choose, no matter what the circumstances.”

“He said he just wants me to sleep with him,” Olivia had to admit. “No sex.”

“Ah.” Inga nodded. “That makes more sense. I doubt you could find a better protector than our war master.”

“It’s not about him guarding me, exactly.” She wondered if she were assuming too much. “He said he can’t sleep because he worries about me. I can’t tell if he’s being honest. We hardly know each other. Everyone keeps telling me that he doesn’t like women.”

Inga sighed. “Are you concerned that he wants more from you than companionship, my dear?”

She couldn’t admit that she was more worried about what she wanted. “Not really. There’s something between us, but that might be because he rescued me when I came here. Perhaps he thinks he’s responsible for me now. Or he could be attracted to me, weird as that sounds.”

“Why wouldn’t he be attracted to you?” the chatelaine countered. “Is it because of his looks?”

“That, and the way he is with me. One minute he’s interested, the next he’s pushing me away.” She ducked her head. “I just don’t want to assume anything and then find out I’m wrong.”

“I wish I could tell you what the war master is thinking, but he’s never been an easy person to read, or even know.” The chatelaine gave her a sideways glance. “I can tell you that he has never taken a lover in nine centuries.”

That horrified her. “He’s been celibate since the clan was cursed?”

“That is what I’ve been told, and my source is quite reliable.” Inga patted her hand. “I admire your courage in dealing with Alec so directly. I could never say anything to the man here who stole my heart. At first I was ashamed about wanting him because I was married in our world. You’ll find that the longer you’re here, the more your guilt for what you left behind fades.”

Olivia knew despite her casual tone that she had suffered; her eyes had filled with pain simply talking about it. “What happened between you and your guy?”

“He grew to care for me as a friend.” Her lips curved, but sadly now. “As time passed I thought perhaps he might give his heart to me because we shared a bed, but that never happened. Instead, I had to watch him fall in love with another woman.”

Olivia didn’t know who she meant, but her own misery doubled. “I’m so sorry for bringing this up.”

“Please don’t be, my dear. As it happens I’ve recovered nicely, and I have the consolation of seeing how devoted they are to each other. They’re soulmates, I think, which is wonderful. Truly loving someone means their happiness matters more than your own.” Inga stood. “In any case, don’t be a coward like me. Gather your courage, and let Alec know how much you like him.”

She would never be that brave, she thought. “ Would it be okay if for now I just have wild and crazy sex with him?”

“Of course.” The other woman winked. “That’s what I did.”

Olivia thought a great deal about what Inga had said as she carried her things through the passages to Alec’s room in the stronghold. On the way there she passed by the clan’s senior chieftain, Darro, who greeted her with his usual friendliness.

“Might I aid you, Mistress Gibson?” he asked as he fell into step with her.

“It’s okay, I’m only changing rooms.” She wondered if Darro knew who Inga had fallen in love with, but as the chatelaine hadn’t volunteered the information she decided not to ask. “Are you still searching for whatever hurt Elspeth?”

He nodded. “We’ve no’ yet found the cause, but ’twill take near a moon to search the whole of the stronghold. Should you notice something amiss, please tell one of the men—or come and find me in the great hall, or the laird’s chamber.”

“Something odd happened the other day when I came in from working in the gardens,” Olivia said, and described walking through the pocket of cold air in the passage that ran parallel to the kitchens. “I thought maybe it was just a draft, but I’ve never experienced that chill anywhere else in the castle. ”

“I shall go there and see if ’tis related to Elspeth’s trouble,” Darro told her, and touched her shoulder. “My thanks, Mistress.”

They parted ways at the next corner, and Olivia had only one more hall to walk before she reached the war master’s room. She assumed he would be off working and walked inside, only to stop short as she saw Alec pushing a large bed frame into the corner where his straw ticking had lain on the floor.

“What are you doing?” she asked as she set down her bundle and went to help him.

“I wished to give you a comfortable bed.” He nodded toward the old ticking, which he’d wedged between the frame and the wall. “I shall sleep there.”

“I don’t need a bed like this.” Since he looked as if he wanted to argue the point she added, “I slept on the floor a lot when I was a child. It doesn’t bother me.”

“’Tis even more reason to provide you with a decent bed.” He gave the frame one last shove that was so hard it banged into the wall and made her jump. “Forgive me. My temper, ’tis never calm and amiable as Darro’s.”

He sounded sulky and almost jealous, as if he knew she’d just been speaking to the chieftain.

“Are you spying on me now, Alec?” She waited for him to answer, and when he didn’t she picked up her things. “Fine. You can do whatever you like. I’m going back to Mrs. Holmes’s room.”

“I didnae intend to spy,” he said before she reached the door. “I came to collect you and your belongings and saw you with Darro. He put his hand on you. Do you care for him?”

He sounded sulky and resentful, as if he expected her to say she did.

“I think he’s a nice man. All of your brothers seem to be.” She turned around and found him only a few inches away from her. “Nothing happened between us. It was completely innocent.”

“Innocent, when he touches you so easily.” His eyes narrowed. “You gave him your smile when he did. You enjoyed it. Tell me the truth.”

“What are you talking about?” He could not be jealous of her with the chieftain, but it seemed he was. “You don’t want me talking to any other man, is that it? You want to lock me in here? You can, if you want.”

A flicker of shock passed over his handsome features. “Olivia, I should never do such.”

She hardly heard him. “It’s okay, it’s fine. Like I said, I don’t need the bed. I can go a long time sleeping on the floor. I don’t need to eat, either. Just give me a bucket of water and another empty one I can use for nature’s calls. You can lock me up like that for days if you want. Even weeks. I’m used to that.”

“Olivia, no.” He looked pale and sick now. “Who did that to you?”

“The woman who raised me.” She’d never spoken about this with anyone except her therapist, and she had no idea why she was telling him. “It was how she punished me. She never hit me or shouted at me when she got angry, which was often. She just withheld food. I was small before I came here because I was regularly starved for most of my childhood.”

Alec reached out, but before he touched her he dropped his hand. “Why didnae anyone stop her from treating you so wretchedly?”

“No one knew. She home schooled me, and I wasn’t allowed to go outside or speak to anyone but her. The only time I left was when I went with her to church, and she made sure I never spoke to anyone there.” The sourness she had fought hard to rid herself of came back for a moment, as if she’d taken a huge bite of an unripe persimmon. “I didn’t even know what she did was wrong until after she died and I took a physical for college. At seventeen I was prediabetic with high blood pressure. My leg bones had bowed because I had rickets from being locked indoors for so long. The doctor said without treatment I probably wouldn’t live past forty, either. ”

“As a child you reckoned what she did, ’twas deserved for your faults,” he muttered. “Only ’twas theirs.”

Olivia took a step closer. “That’s why you’re doing this. You already guessed I’d been abused as a kid. Did something like that happen to you?” When he didn’t reply she said, “Alec, some good people helped me recover from what she did to me. The physical effects of being starved and kept locked inside stunted my growth and gave me some health problems, but I did survive. I wouldn’t let anyone hurt me like that again. I’ll always fight them.”

“Aye, so you would.” He turned away from her. “You should return to the chatelaine’s room, for I reckon I shall only cause you more misery.”

His voice sounded so strained she could barely make out what he was saying. That was why she walked up to him and put her arms around his waist.

“I’d rather stay with you. I like being with you.” She had to be honest, so she added, “I’m tired of all the drama, though. I had seventeen years of that and worse. Can we make this room a drama-free zone?”

Alec turned around and hugged her. “Aye, so we shall.”