Page 31 of Agent of the Heart (Hearts in Hawthorne #3)

Chapter

Nineteen

D arby laughed at what Chance said. Despite the fact that he always looked so serious, he had a dry sense of humor, which she had always appreciated.

She, Kelby, West, and Chance had been a tight foursome all through high school, being the same age and in the same grade.

Some of her best memories involved the four of them and things they had done together.

Being able to be around Chance again was just another reason moving back to Hawthorne would be good for her.

She glanced up at him. “I hope to be seeing a lot more of you now that I’m back in town.” He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Same.”

Then she became aware that the room had changed. Glancing over, she caught sight of Autumn and Eli. Then her heart stopped as her gaze fell upon Jace.

He was angry.

Her hackles rose. Well, she was angry at him, too. She had reached out and texted him as he’d requested, and he had barely replied. He hadn’t made any effort beyond that to reach out. See how she was. How her meeting with Peggy had gone. A big fat nothing.

Ignoring him, she went to Autumn and hugged her cousin.

“I’m so glad you and Eli could make it.”

“We wouldn’t miss celebrating have you back in Hawthorne full time,” Autumn said. She turned and indicated Jace. “I’m sure you remember Jace from the wedding.”

She coolly looked to him. “I certainly do. It’s nice to see you,” she said politely.

His face was unreadable now. The brief emotion he had shown was now gone. In its place was the stoic sports agent who never let anyone know what he was thinking.

And never let anyone in.

Darby turned her attention back to Autumn. “I hear you’ve baked the cornbread today using Sawyer’s recipe.”

“I did. I’m only hoping it tastes half as good as his does.”

Sawyer, who leaned against the kitchen counter opposite Darby, said, “If you followed the recipe I gave you, it should be fine. Then again, I always add a dash of love for all those who’ll eat mine. Hope you thought to do the same.”

“Since everyone is here, let’s dish up some chili,” West suggested. “We’ve got beer and bottled waters in the fridge. Iced tea for anyone who wants a glass of that.”

While West and Kelby took drink orders, the others moved to the pots of chili. Darby ladled a good amount into her bowl, hoping she would be able to get it down. As of now, her mouth and throat were bone dry, while her stomach had turned sour.

She returned to the island and sprinkled some green onions, blended cheeses, and topped it with a dollop of sour cream.

“I also have some chips and guac over here.” Kelby pointed to another counter. “And there’s Spanish rice on the stove if anyone wants some of that.”

Darby focused on getting everything she needed. West directed her to the patio outside, and she set her bowl and plate on the large table. Eli and Autumn were the next to join her, sitting across from her.

Then Jace appeared. She held her breath as he came and took the seat next to her. She got a whiff of his familiar cologne, and images of the two of them in bed together flooded her. She glanced at her bowl of chili, hoping no one was looking at her and the blush filling her cheeks.

As others joined them, Jace quietly said, “When did you arrive in Hawthorne?”

“A little over an hour ago,” she said stiffly.

She started to leave it at that but then added, “Once my boss realized she couldn’t talk me into staying, I was pretty much dismissed.

Packed up my office. Shut down my email account.

Handed over my lanyard and keys. After that, it was running down my to-do list to wrap up my time in KC. ”

He didn’t ask her any more questions, and Darby couldn’t think of anything else to say to him.

She decided that she had read far too much into what had passed between them.

That all along, it was what she had thought it would be at the beginning.

A fling. Nothing more. He probably had even regretted asking her to text him when she landed.

His brief response should have been the heads up to her that things were done between them.

Darby told herself to move on. That Jace Tanner didn’t live in Hawthorne, and she would only see him on rare occasions, if at all, in the future. This was her homecoming party—and she was determined to enjoy it.

She asked West a question about the high school, and the conversation turned to what her new job would be like. She explained to Chance how she was being hired to coach the cheerleading squads, as well as handle the two publications.

“Well, you were the editor-in-chief of the Hawthorne Herald . You’ll know exactly how to run that. You weren’t on yearbook, though, were you?” he asked.

“No, I wasn’t, but Kay Timmons told me that she’s leaving me copious notes. Kay said the kids are so good that both the yearbook and newspaper almost run themselves. I need to give her a call and let her know I’m here early. We’re supposed to get together.”

“Kay is well thought of at HHS,” West said. “You’ve got big shoes to fill, Cuz, but if anyone can do it, you’re the one.”

The next hour passed by quickly. Darby began to relax, mostly because Jace didn’t utter a word. It was almost as if he weren’t there, so she ignored the heat coming off him and concentrated on enjoying her friends and family.

When it came time for dessert, she and Kelby went inside to gather a few cartons of Blue Bell.

Sawyer followed them, and while Kelby returned outside with bowls and spoons, he asked, “Are you all right? You and Jace seemed pretty cold toward one another. It wasn’t what I was expecting.

I thought you’d both be happy to see one another. ”

“It’s complicated,” she said. “I think that maybe I read things into the relationship which weren’t there.”

“No, you didn’t.”

They both turned to see Jace standing in the kitchen. Sawyer glanced at the two of them.

“I’ll give you the room.”

Her brother picked up two cartons of ice cream and left the kitchen. Darby knew Sawyer would make sure they weren’t disturbed.

Jace closed the distance between them. “What did you read into our time together, Darby?” he asked, his voice low, laden with emotion.

She crossed her arms defensively. “At first, I thought it was just going to be a fun fling. I’ve never had one of those before.

To be transparent with you, Jace, I haven’t had a lot of experience in the dating department.

I’ve always been more of a guy’s girl. One of those girls guys liked to hang out with, but not the kind they asked out.

I could talk sports all day with them, but I’ve never been considered relationship material.

In fact, my sexual experiences are pretty limited for someone my age. ”

Taking a deep breath, she expelled it. “I began feeling more for you, though. More than I should have. It made me realize that it was just a quick little thing between us. I’m sure you found me lacking, and by?—”

Darby never finished her thought because Jace’s mouth was on hers. He yanked her to him and devoured her. She struggled against him, her arms still folded in front of her, but he wasn’t letting her loose. Her resolve weakened, and she gave in to the demanding kiss.

She had no idea how long the kiss went on, only that it touched her very soul.

Jace broke the kiss, gazing deeply into her eyes. “You weren’t wrong about anything,” he said, his voice raw with emotion.

This time, she pushed him way, needing distance from him to think clearly.

“Then I would say you have an odd way of how you think a relationship should unfold.”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

Anger sizzled through her now. Darby wasn’t ready to give in and forget the hurt of the past few days.

“You ghosted me,” she told him. “I texted you as you asked me to do. And then I never really heard anything from you.”

“I responded,” he said defensively. “I was busy at the time. I didn’t have time for a full-blown conversation.”

She arched her brows. “And you’ve been busy every moment since then?”

A guilty flush filled his cheeks. “I wasn’t sure what to say to you.”

“The first thing you do is pick up the phone and call,” she said testily.

He stepped toward her, and her heart began beating wildly in her chest. His hand cupped her cheek, and all Darby wanted to do was to lean into it.

“I’m no good at this, Darby. I’ve never done it.”

“No good at what?” she pressed, wanting to get to the bottom of whatever was going on.

His hand fell away. “This. Us. Doing an us,” he said, clearly frustrated.

Jace began pacing the kitchen, raking a hand through his hair. She watched him as he tried to sort things out within himself. Her heart began softening.

Finally, he came to a halt in front of her again. She made the first move, reaching out and taking his hands. His eyes filled with tears, and she saw the pain and uncertainty in them.

“You know my past. I haven’t been shy about sharing anything with you.

I think losing my mom, even though she was a terrible one, marked me more than I know.

Plus, I lost Eli, who loved me and protected me from everything bad.

Yes, I was adopted, but the Tanners only wanted a substitute for their dead son.

When they saw I couldn’t replace their Jason, they grew cold and distant.

I did me, and they did them. We lived in the same house, but we were worlds apart.

They never came to anything at school to support me.

They left me alone summers, going on digs all around the world.

I never felt close to them, much less loved. ”

Darby squeezed his hands encouragingly.

“Because of my screwed up past, I never want to be close to anyone. I never share my feelings. The closest people to me are Mark, my partner, and Elena. Even then, it took finding Eli and meeting him before I even mentioned to Elena that I had a brother. I haven’t even said anything to Mark about it yet. ”

Jace looked at her. “I don’t date. I don’t have relationships.

Yes, I’m seen with women. A lot. It’s part of my business.

I’m invited to a ton of events, and it’s expected that I take a plus-one.

So I do. I rarely escort the same woman twice.

Most of the time, whoever goes with me wants to be there for reasons of her own.

She has a business she’s pushing or she has someone she wants to meet who’ll be in attendance.

She’s not there for me, just like I’m not there for her. It’s a business arrangement.”

He paused. “And yes, sometimes it ends with sex.” His hands tightened on hers. “But it’s never meant anything to me. It’s just a physical act where I can let off a little steam. No strings attached.”

Jace released her hands. His came up, framing her face, his thumbs caressing her cheeks.

“Everything with you was different, Darby. Is different. With you, I relax. Let down my guard. We had real conversations, about all kinds of things. When I kiss you, I’m kissing you because I want to.

Because it’s an expression of how I feel about you.

When I make love to you, it’s more than sex. It’s real.”

He kissed her softly, and she reveled in the feel of his lips brushing against hers.

“I won’t try to pretend to understand why everything is different with you.

It just is. Yes, I was a jerk not to reach out to you.

I didn’t want you to feel smothered by me, like I was coming on too strong.

And then the rest of the day passed, and the doubts crept in.

What if you didn’t want to hear from me?

What if you’d thought everything was casual—and I wanted to push for more? ”

A look of anguish crossed his face. “You say you’re inexperienced.

Well, so I am. At least at this us kind of thing.

I don’t know how to be in a relationship.

I don’t want to push too hard.” He gave her a crooked grin.

“I feel a little like Jon Snow. You know, from Game of Thrones .” He cleared his throat. “You know nothing , Jon Snow!”

Darby couldn’t help but laugh, even as tears misted her eyes. They had discussed their mutual love for the HBO series, just one of many things they had in common.

This time, she took the initiative. She slipped a hand around his nape and pulled him down, their lips touching in a sweet kiss. Jace was a strong, confident man in his professional life.

And she wanted him to feel confident in his personal life.

Darby broke the kiss and gazed up at him.

“I like you, Jace. A lot. More than a lot. I think every couple goes through growing pains, trying to understand what being an us means to them. It’s different for different couples.

I know we have some difficulties to get through.

The biggest is not living in the same town and having crazy busy schedules.

” She paused. “But I’m willing to make an effort to be an us. If that’s what you want,” she added.

He grinned at her, looking so boyish and innocent that her heart burst with love.

Love?

She wouldn’t dare throw out that word. Not when they were just finding their way back to one another. If Jace even knew she was thinking about the L-word, he would flee.

Instead, she waited for his answer.

“It’s definitely what I want,” he told her. “I want us to be an us. You’re right. It won’t be easy, but you’re the first woman I’ve wanted to try this with.”

Darby only hoped that she would also be the last.