Page 122 of After All The Wreckage

The idea of losing him in addition to Mom made my stomach twist. I’d spent so much of my life hating him, hating what had happened… My voice was choked as I asked, “Why didn’t you tell me, Dad?”

He ran a hand over his chin, and then suddenly reached out and pulled me to his chest like he had at Shady Lane. For the second time in less than a day, love radiated between us. Maybe my feelings for Gage had opened me up so I was more receptive to it, or maybe Dad was just showing it again for the first time in years. I wasn’t sure which was true. Maybe they both were.

“I knew if I told you my suspicions you wouldn’t stop until you found answers, and I couldn’t stand the idea of losing you on top of losing Hallie.” His voice was choked.

The feelings he seemed to have for Mom threw me for a loop. I stepped back, needing to put some space between us. I shot a glance in Sheila’s direction as I said, “You act like you still loved her.”

Sheila snorted. “Which is exactly why your father and I never worked.”

Was that why none of Dad’s relationships had lasted? He’d still been in love with Mom?

Mom had never really dated. She’d seen a few people, but she’d always used her job as an excuse to keep from getting serious. What if the truth was that they’d both still been madly in love? God. That felt terribly sad. To have loved each other and not been together all these years.

What if I’d been the reason they’d stayed apart?

Pain washed through me, sharp and fierce.

Sheila and G were called away by one of the other agents, and it left me alone with my dad.

He put his hand to my chin, tipping my eyes up to meet his. “What happened with your mom and me wasn’t your fault.”

I wasn’t sure I could ever fully believe that, just like I’d never let go of the guilt over how Mom’s life had ended, but it still eased the knot in my chest ever so slightly.

“I’d done a whole list of stupid things that cost me your mother’s trust. Not just what I’d done to you…” He stopped, clearing his throat before continuing. “I was willing to do anything to get the job done, even if that meant?—”

“Sleeping with other women?”

“I was never unfaithful,” he said forcefully, shaking his head. “But I pushed the boundaries enough she could never be quite certain. Plus, I was always trying to protect her, and it made her feel like I didn’t see her as an equal when really I was just trying to keep her safe. I guess that made it even harder for her to understand why I had sent you into some of the situations I had.”

“I was never in danger.”

“The senator could have become violent with you. He had a history of it.”

I hadn’t known any of that of course, and I wasn’t sure knowing it then would have changed how I felt responsible for the demise of my parents’ marriage.

“Even if I was just the final straw… I was still the straw,” I told him. “I screwed up.” I looked around at the dead bodies and the agents scouring the scene. I thought of Walden and Mom. And suddenly I couldn’t stop the tears that leaked. “Just like now. I screwed up so many times. And people lost their lives. I think you’re right. I’m not cut out for this work.”

He shook his head. “I’m so proud of you. You uncovered in a matter of days what it took Sheila and me months to find out.”

His words felt like a balm, but they were coming too little, too late. Too little for the lives I had on my conscience now.

Gage jogged over to us, and when he saw the tears on my cheeks, his face took on a dark glower as he turned to my father. “Don’t you dare?—”

“Stop, Gage. It’s okay. Really.”

He looked from me to Dad and back again. Dad actually smiled. “I kind of like knowing there’s someone watching your back, Rory-girl. Let him bluster a bit. I can take it.”

A soft laugh escaped me, and Gage’s face relaxed. “They’re taking Demi to the hospital. I’m going to follow the ambulance.”

I grabbed his hand. “I’m sorry… that we didn’t stop…” I glanced over to where crime scene photographers were shooting the bodies.

His hand slid to my cheek, and if my dad hadn’t been standing there, I knew he would have kissed me. Instead, I wrapped my hand around his wrist and leaned into it.

“Demi’s alive. That’s because of you.” His voice was deep and emotional just like Dad’s had been. Too many feelings that were never good for an investigation were floating in the air.

Except there was nothing left to investigate. Not for me. Demi was safe. Mom’s murderers were gone. Two cases closed.

But like Veronica at the end of most seasons, I didn’t feel like celebrating. The loss had been too great to be seen as a win.