Page 34 of Accidental Getaway

I book a ticket on the next flight to Athens, wanting nothing more than to get off this island.

It cost more than I make in a week, but I don’t even care.

Breaking Niko’s heart like that made my decision final.

I can’t go through with the meeting. Not after that.

I don’t know what I’ll tell Amber, but I guess it won’t matter either way.

If she fires me, it’s not like I haven’t been at rock bottom before.

I’m sitting at the airport waiting for my flight and all I can think about is the look on Malcolm’s face when he first arrived. That self-satisfied look that everything was going to go his way. I still wasn’t strong enough to prove him wrong in the end.

I grab my phone to email Amber, just to get it over with.

I tell her I’ve had a personal emergency and won’t be able to attend the board meeting on Monday.

I don’t want to drag this out any further than I need to.

I’m sure she’s going to flip out when she reads it, but I don’t know how else to break it to her.

Honestly, nothing she can say will make me feel worse than I already do.

I keep replaying the moment Niko realized I was trying to back out.

He looked so betrayed, so devastated. I know the feeling of betrayal so well that I’m furious with myself for having put that look on someone else’s face.

Every time Malcolm betrayed me, every time he pretended we weren’t together, every time he acted like I was no one of importance, all the way up until he told me to leave that final meeting in Chicago without an ounce of sorrow on his face.

And now I’ve done that to Niko. I walked away, leaving him to feel confused and alone. His gray eyes, streaked red with pain—begging me to explain, to give some sort of reason that would make sense. But I couldn’t. Not in any way that would help him feel better.

It’s haunting me, pulling at the very fabric of my heart, unraveling all my resolve not to fall in love. Not to care too much. Not to let my feelings for Niko get in the way of fixing my career.

The flight goes by in a blur. Shortly after landing in Athens, I turn my phone on, but there aren’t any new messages. Amber doesn’t usually check her emails on Sundays. Or at least, not every five minutes.

I also notice, not surprisingly, that there aren’t any messages from Niko. I don’t know why there would be after the way I treated him, but I still yearn for contact.

I could take it all back and start over. But I think I’ve hurt Niko enough that he won’t think twice about moving on without me.

My mind is in a distant haze as I walk to baggage claim. Once I’ve got my bag, I need to head to the ticket counter for a flight back to Denver. When I left Mykonos, I only thought one step ahead. I don’t have a flight to the US, a hotel or anything else figured out. I am completely winging it.

I find the ticket counter, but there isn’t a single person in sight. I sag when I see it’s almost 10:00 p.m. I didn’t even think about the ticket counter being closed since all of the flights are done for the day.

I find a bench to drop my suitcases and collapse. This whole day has felt like a lifetime. Everything has changed.

I pull out my phone and open the airline app to search for a morning flight. Monday must be a hot travel day because nothing is coming up except $10,000-plus business class tickets. Even if I was that desperate to get out of here, my credit card would decline.

I need to talk to a living human who can help me. A glance back at the ticket counter, which is now totally dark. Something tells me that won’t happen any time soon.

My phone rings, and the caller ID announces that it’s Amber. I can’t answer right now. Not yet. I send her to voicemail for only the second time ever. I need to figure out how I’m getting out of here before I have that conversation.

I wander the airport, my feet as aimless as my thoughts.

Should I get a hotel? I don’t want to worry about a taxi or waste any time before figuring out how I’m going to get home.

My phone pings with a text from Amber, but I’m too scared to look at it.

Eventually, I wander back to my bench. I’m sure I won’t be able to sleep tonight, no matter how exhausted I am, so I decide to make the bench home until morning.

I pull out a sweatshirt and my neck pillow to try to get comfortable.

And finally, the tears flow—mourning everything that has gone wrong.

Hours pass and I drift in and out of semi-sleep, never able to fully shut down.

During one of those waking periods, I hear a loud buzzing that has me jumping up, hoping someone is here to open the ticket counter.

When I don’t see anyone, I realize it’s my phone vibrating against the metal bench.

Piper is calling. I debate not answering, but I need my best friend.

“Jenni, are you okay?” Piper asks in a rush. “Amber called me worried about you and when I checked your location, I saw that you’re in Athens? Why aren’t you in Mykonos? What happened?”

“No, I’m not okay,” I finally sob into the phone. “I think I really messed up. I don’t know what to do.”

“Okay, slow down. Tell me what happened. But first, are you physically okay? Are you safe?”

“Yes, yes, I’m okay,” I say through tears.

I tell Piper everything. From that first night I saw Malcolm in the lobby up until getting stranded at the airport earlier tonight. The entire time, I’m barely holding on, afraid she is going to judge me for all my obvious mistakes. I should have done everything so differently.

“Oh, girl, that just plain sucks.”

I laugh through my tears. “Yeah, my thoughts exactly.”

“I only have one question. Why do you care at all that Malcolm is there? I know he represents a lot of trauma, and you should never have to be in a room with him if you don’t want to, but I also know that you are just as worthy of being there as he is. You shouldn’t have to back down.”

“I … He just represents so much—everything I’ve lost, everything I want to get back but can’t. He has all the power. When he showed up just as I was succeeding, it felt like a giant slap in the face. I can never get my life back because he is always standing in the way.”

“I know you have said you want that life back. But honestly, Jenni, you weren’t very happy in Chicago. Think about it. Is that really what you still want?”

I’m taken aback by her words. What does she mean I wasn’t happy?

Of course I was. I was living out my dreams. I was working so hard.

I didn’t have time for anything else, but that’s normal.

No one has time for life when they work in the corporate world.

In Chicago, it was only ever work. That was what was expected of me, and I was proud to do it. But Piper’s right. I never laughed .

Not like I have this past week, anyway.

“I thought I was.”

“Do you want to know what I think?” Piper asks.

“I think you were so focused on your dream that you never stopped to figure out if it turned out the way you expected, if you actually loved it. And I think your grief over losing it has taken up so much of your mental energy that you still haven’t stopped and thought about whether you still want that life. Does it really make you happy?”

I have wanted a big corporate job since I knew that sort of thing existed.

It always seemed so glamorous, so powerful.

Except, once I found myself there, I had no time for real relationships, friends, hiking, or doing anything that wasn’t bending over backward for bosses and clients.

Honestly, I have felt more alive since moving home to Colorado than I ever did in Chicago.

Even with all the regret, grief, and resentment, I was doing things I loved again.

What if I was pretending to be happy because I didn’t want to admit that the dream I had chased my whole life wasn’t what I pictured? I think I fooled even myself.

“I don’t think I was happy,” I say in defeat. What was the whole point? What do I do now?

“Ding, ding, ding!” Piper sings on the other end of the phone. “You were chasing that dream so long that you lost yourself somewhere along the way.”

“What do you mean?”

“You started following Malcolm and only Malcolm. Every client, every director you worked for—everyone you associated with had to be approved by Malcolm. You didn’t do anything without worrying what he thought. I think you’re still doing it.”

No, that can’t be true. Yes, I was always a bit afraid of his reactions to things, but I didn’t live my entire life around that. Did I?

“But I left. Malcolm hasn’t been my boss for a long time. ”

“And yet, you still hear his voice in your head any time you have a decision to make. Don’t you?”

I don’t answer. It feels unfair of her to weaponize that information. I told her that in one of my darkest hours, when I needed someone to understand, not so that she could use it against me.

“I’m sorry. I know that’s really harsh, but Jenni, Malcolm is not the guidepost of your life.

He is not leading you up the mountain. Malcolm leads you straight off the cliff.

Or better yet, he is nothing but a blip on the trail map, a fallen tree you have to climb over.

But you? You are the waterfall. You are the summit.

You are the person who can get through every obstacle thrown at you.

You just have to stop living your life for someone else. ”

My throat feels drier the more she talks. Is this all true?

“Tell me you’ve been desperate to get your old life back because it’s actually what you want. Or tell me it’s because you want to prove yourself to Malcolm. Tell me which is true.”

“I do not care about proving myself to Malcolm. I hate him. I have spent the last six months running from him—trying to forget that part of my life.”

“And yet, what was one of the first things you said when you got this assignment?”

I rack my brain. “That I didn’t want to get mugged?”

“No, you said, and I quote, ‘I could prove him wrong.’”

“I did not.”

“You did! You said it under your breath, and you thought you tricked me into believing it was about someone else, but I knew.”

“Okay, and so what? If you had been through what I’ve been through … you have no idea what it feels like to have your whole world taken from you.”

“You’re right. I don’t. And I definitely don’t know what it’s like to live in the type of relationship you were in with Malcolm for years.

What I do know is I’ve watched you wither away, and then come back to life over the last few months, especially the last two weeks.

And I really, really don’t want to see you fade to black-and-white again. It will break my heart.”

“What is there left for me? I’ve ruined everything.”

My job at Aspen Sky. Niko. I’ve lost it all.

“You haven’t lost anything, hon. Amber is worried sick about you.

She’s not firing you. And you have us. Starting over is not the end of the world.

There are a million futures for you out there.

This could be your chance to find a new dream you actually love, rather than continuing to chase one just to prove you can do it. ”

Wait, Amber is worried about me? She wasn’t calling to yell and scream? I quickly check my text messages and, sure enough, she told me not to worry about the meeting and that we’ll figure it out. She wants me to let her know what I need and to know if I’m okay.

The contrast between her response and what happened to me in Chicago practically brings me to my knees.

Is Piper right? Could I let go of my corporate dream and find another, better life?

I have a job with people I like and a boss who is not only excited to give me opportunities, but who is worried about me when something goes wrong. I have friends who have never deserted me despite pushing them away for years.

I met a man who is kind and wants me for who I am, not because he can control me.

I live in my parents’ house, and my job looks different from what I thought it would. Who cares? Am I still so desperate for Malcolm’s approval that I’ve never seen all the positives of my life? Have I thrown all that away because of it?

“It’s too late.” My voice cracks as I softly admit defeat. “I ran away. I can’t believe I did this again. ”

I’m completely numb. Unable to even process what to do next.

“No, you haven’t. There’s always time—always another chance. We’re going to get this figured out. You just have to decide what you want. Do you want to come home and move forward, or do you want to fix things with Niko and go from there?”

How? How do I fix this? It seems impossible without ripping open every wound and begging forgiveness from people who owe me nothing: Niko, Ana, even Alexander.

“I don’t know if I can.”

“You can. But you have to choose to do it. I know it feels like there are too many obstacles, but the biggest one is not believing yourself. You can change that.”

Tears stream down my cheeks. I inhale a deep breath. “I’ll think about it.”

“Let me know when you figure it out. Either way, I’m here for you.”

I try to lie back down, only to toss and turn for the rest of the early morning hours. By the time the lights turn on at the ticket counter, I know what I’m going to do.