Page 21 of About Yesterday (Foothills #5)
He nodded slowly, hope sprouting into his veins.
“When we first met, I thought you were this flawless angel, and I worried you were someone who would rat me out or try to teach me to be good. Another fucking stereotype. Instead, you were funny and witty and genuine and adventurous and I wanted you so bad.” He gripped a hand in his hair and tugged, releasing and setting his hand on the doorknob.
“Pink flowered granny underwear or black lace, either way, I would love to see your panties. You woke me up with coffee and exercise with that attitude and affection, and I think I’ve fucking fallen into cloud goddamn nine. ”
Toxic. Hopeless. Emotionally wrecked.
He swallowed the salty mess that flooded his sinuses and shook his head.
“I need this house, this family. And, in complete, painful honesty, I am not ready for you , real or fantasy. So please, just… can we rewind to before I tried to kiss you and before I unleashed this pent-up confession, and be friends again?”
Completely still, jolted into upright tetany like she’d been struck by lightning, Trace watched him with oozing sympathy. Crossing the room with measured steps, she looped her arms around his middle and buried her face in his neck.
Stupidity peaking, he hugged her back like his life fucking depended on it. Breathing her in, he needed to hear her laugh more than anything. “Just pretend I didn’t say anything. I’ve never pictured you blowing me, I swear.”
She squeezed him so damn tight. “Too late. You said it, now it’s in my head, too.”
“You can’t fix everything with a hug,” he whispered, and she nuzzled closer.
“Try me,” she said, a playful lilt behind a wet voice. “Just so you know… Haley was my best friend until she moved away before high school. We did everything together. Like sisters.”
“Oh,” he said, having no idea what the hell she was getting at, but needing to hear her say something. Anything.
“I was so lonely without her, and then I met Finn and I clung to him. For so long, I thought he was everything. Codependence. I’m guilty of it, many times over.”
Helpless, Cole burrowed in deeper, remembering how she’d told him about letting Finn off the hook, because Finn was busy.
“I felt so alone outside of Foothills. When I came back to town last year, then Finn came back, and we sort of fell back in together, but not for good reasons.”
She sniffled, and he didn’t let go.
“It broke my heart, realizing that I was a burden on him.”
Cole’s throat rumbled and he held back a full-out roar. Next time Finn came over…
“What?” she asked, brow drawn tight as she glared up at him, then stepped back.
He gripped his hand in his hair and couldn’t hold the fury back. “You dumped Finn twice , because you didn’t want to be a burden on him ?”
“It wasn’t fair to either of us. I don’t want to anyone’s burden, I want to be a partner.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he murmured, fucking up worse than ever as he stepped close again, unable to resist and needing her close again, wrapping his arms around her. “You didn’t deserve that.”
“Damn right.” She burrowed tighter than before. “I tend to be a clinger. Figuratively and literally, as you are currently the subject of.”
He laughed under his breath, holding her tighter and making him realize she was part koala.
“And I tend to define myself by the people I cling to.” She inhaled a long breath and looked up at him.
The weepy look in her eyes, and he saw just how desperately she was working on figuring herself out right now.
That black lace was, as she’d said, just a symbol.
“You have so much to deal with, and I know you went through more than you’ll say,” she said.
Eyes swimming, she studied him. “You’re a survivor.
You think you’re broken, but that was the most self-aware, honest admission I’ve ever heard. You are incredible.”
His chest clenched tight at hearing that she was hurting so much more than she let on to anyone, aching and humbled that she shared herself with him.
“Don’t apologize for trying to kiss me. I ran away because I’m scared.
Not because I don’t want to kiss you, too.
” A fire brewing under the surface, she didn’t give him an inch.
“That boring date I went on? It ended in the most boring peck of a kiss I’ve ever had, and I didn’t have the guts to grab him by the collar and show him how I want to be kissed.
I can’t expect you to get to know me, when I don’t let anyone see the real me.
When I’m not even sure who I am. And you, Cole, are a big bundle of mystery man right now, and it’s not healthy. ”
“I have an idea, for both of us,” he said.
She began to release him, standing taller than she had been.
“Just be whoever you want to be. Experiment. Have fun with it. I’ve spent my whole life running, and I need to figure out who I am, too.”
“What if I cling to you?” she asked, the corners of her mouth rising as she turned her question into a tease, but he knew she wasn’t kidding.
He smiled and chewed the edge of his tongue.
“Maybe you didn’t spend the last ten years imagining me naked like I did you.
I’m not the guy from back then, but I’m probably still not the guy you’ll want to cling to.
” He reached back and set his hand on the doorknob.
Probably should have held his tongue and gotten the hell out of there, but he was tired of running.
With a self-effacing, flirty nod, he added, “But, I mean, keep in mind that I’ve spent half my life obsessing over you, so having you cling to me would literally be a dream come true.
Well, as long as you still define yourself by you, but…
clinging via your legs wrapped around me?
Having you obsess over me a little?” He shrugged and turned the doorknob.
Instead of laughing in his face or throwing something at him for flirting after all that, a riotous laugh resonated from deep in her throat, witchy and wicked and filled with energy. “Six a.m. tomorrow. Don’t be late.”