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CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

“I love you, Lilac Hawthorne.”

The declaration repeated in her mind until it became a deafening crescendo. It was all she’d ever wanted to hear from his lips, and yet she couldn’t embrace it. Not yet.

Soundless, Lilac rose fluidly from her chair, set her book down, and crossed the bedroom to the door. While her stride was long and graceful as she had been trained, it hid a heart that beat like a war drum and anxious jitters that raced up and down her spine.

“Lilac?” Allen asked after her, his voice wavering with panic. But he didn’t beg her to stay. Didn’t beg her to keep his secret from her siblings. He was giving her the freedom to make her own choices, even if those choices were at odds with his own survival.

She closed the door, locked it, and flattened her back against it. “Show me the wolf.”

For a moment, Allen looked like he might protest, then he nodded once. He pushed the covers back at the same time he twisted to the side, preserving his modesty. As he reached for the floor, his eyes flashed with a golden light. Between one thundering heartbeat and the next, a wolf with golden-white fur stood on the rug beside the bed.

Well, he was nothing like the little animal friends she often sought out in the woods, that’s for sure.

He was taller than a Great Dane, larger than any canine she’d ever seen. Bigger than even that Irish wolfhound who guarded the grimoire cabinet at Hawthorne Manor. His muzzle was as long as her forearm and hid teeth she had no doubt could snap that forearm in half. Paws the size of dinner plates sported sharp white nails, and a bushy tail wrapped around his hind legs so much like a cat’s that she almost laughed. The wolf was trying to look as unassuming and friendly as a ferocious beast could, short of lying down and showing her his belly.

“Can I . . . touch you?”

The wolf lowered his head.

Still, it took more than a few deep breaths to pluck up her courage to leave the door. Fear and resentment of shifters had been so engrained in her upbringing that it was hard to take the steps needed to cross the bedroom.

“This is Allen,” she whispered to herself. Allen, the man with the teasing smile and the kind eyes. The caretaker that had made Rose’s favorite breakfast and offered himself up to Boar as a punching bag just so they could heal. Selfless, generous, compassionate. Though he had come to the valley for selfish reasons, he’d stayed for all the right ones.

The wolf closed his beautiful golden eyes and leaned forward as Lilac stretched her hand out. Her breath pooled in her throat, shreds of doubt still lingering, but they were burned away when her fingers sank into his fur.

“It’s so soft,” she breathed. She’d been expecting it to be coarse, shaggy even, but it was that of a Brittany spaniel. Silky, yet very thick.

She dug her fingers in deeper, fingernails grazing lightly against the skin between his ears. Lilac nearly jumped out of her skin from the rumble that emanated from the wolf’s chest. Was he . . . purring? She inched a little closer, truly scratching now, and the wolf leaned forcefully into her touch, rumbling louder. His tail thumped against the floor.

Grinning, Lilac slid her hand down the wolf’s cheek, scratching under his chin. When her fingers stilled, the wolf opened contented eyes.

“Show me the man,” she whispered.

The shift was just as seamless as before. No sound of tearing flesh or realigning bones. No flash of light or poof of smoke. Allen Chase was wholly man and wholly wolf, interchanging between the two flawlessly.

The contentment she’d found in the wolf’s eyes was replaced by trepidation in the man’s. His golden gaze flickered all over her face, his chest full with a held breath. He was impossibly close, yet he didn’t touch her.

Lilac reached up, cupping his cheeks. She felt the tension in his body then, the slight quiver. The fear. He’d bared so much more than his soul to her.

“You gave me more than your heart,” she whispered. “You gave me your very life.”

He could only nod, still trembling. Still vulnerable despite the power of his wolf.

“I’ll protect them both,” she told him. “Because I love you too, Allen Chase.”

Something like a gasp or a sob left his throat, his body melting under her touch. Then his arms shot around her, crushing her against him, his mouth branding a copy of her promise on her lips.

He was all delicious heat and possessive kisses and cherishing touches. As he threatened to devour her, her mind recalled their time in the attic where she’d thought the one to win his devotion would be the luckiest person on Earth. She was so grateful it was her.

“Allen.” Her own body fought her as she braced her hands against his bare shoulders and pushed him back.

“Not yet,” he rasped, teeth grazing her neck just the way she liked. “Unless you want to see me butt naked—”

“Oh, shush,” she insisted even as she moaned. She’d forgotten he was naked—how was that even possible?—and it threatened to distract her. But this was important. She pushed a little harder, even zapping him with a little of her green magic.

“No fair,” he grumbled. He stopped kissing her, but his hands remained firmly melded against her hips. Under her pajamas, the heat of his palms pouring right into her skin.

“What are we going to do?” she asked seriously. “You’re a shifter, Allen, and tied to Hawthorne Hall. Someone is going to find out besides me. And they might not be so lenient.”

He grunted softly, considering her words. “Zofia is recovering at the Roots’. She’s protected there. She’s assured me that she’ll reclaim this infernal ring and free me when she’s able. In the meantime, I will play my part and the Yuletide Masquerade will go off without a hitch now that Prue’s in confinement. I am ordered to stay until you three return to the safety of the manor, though my stay may be extended if your coven does not return before the winter solstice.”

“And . . . after?”

“I suppose the Coalition will give me a duty station, maybe another assignment.” He cupped her cheek and looked deep into her eyes. “But I’m not going anywhere without you. At least, not unless we agree on that. You come first, sweet girl.”

She blushed, turning into his hand to hide it. “This might sound silly, but I’ve never been put first before.”

“My love, that’s all you’ll ever be to me.”

Her heart sang, but its song was swiftly muted. “I-I don’t know what’ll become of me,” she admitted, tightening her grip on his arms. “I want what I’ve had here, a life as a respected potions master. If my family can’t accept that . . . then I don’t belong at the manor anymore.”

Allen remained mercifully silent, the hand on her hip squeezing her reassuringly.

“I suppose we could be wanderers together?” she ventured.

He smiled down at her, golden eyes shining. How she had ever thought the golden-brown coloration had been beautiful was baffling in comparison.

“We might need to wander less than you think.” He nudged her nose with his. “Your friend the faun carved out quite the little spot in her shop for your potions, and I’m sure she’d appreciate the company. The space next to her is also vacant, a little charming hole in the wall you could call your own if you want. Plus it comes with an apartment space above. Two bedrooms.”

“How do you—?”

“It’s my job to be nosy. Discreetly, of course.”

But she shook her head sadly. “I’d still be in the manor’s shadow. If they don’t accept me . . . they’ll make it known. And no one here will say anything about it.”

“Then we go,” he said simply.

And maybe it really was that simple. With Allen at her side, supporting her, loving her, it seemed more possible than it ever had.

“Though, it would be a shame,” he said. “Annesley Valley really grew on me. Old European charm, folks are private but still friendly, I’ve never had a better lamb mince pie anywhere , and don’t get me started on the craft root beer here. Divine .”

She gave a lighthearted snort. “Besides the shifter ban on the entire valley, it’s not so bad, is it?”

He tensed. “Would your matriarch really skin me alive?”

“No, of course not. At least, I-I don’t think so. Though . . .. ”

“Though what ?”

“She’d make your life a living hell, that’s for sure. But if we can convince her that you’re an asset, not a threat, she might see reason. Begrudgingly. Maybe.”

“Worth a shot. Especially when she finds out how daringly I rescued the lot of you time and time again.” He leaned in, nuzzling her cheek aside so he could nip her earlobe. “Seriously, she should give me a medal—”

His head reared back, eyes flaring.

“Allen?”

“Your brother’s coming. He just started walking up the stairs.”

“You can hear that? That’s on the other side of the Hall!”

“I’m kind of amazing, aren’t I?” He twirled her around and gave her a swat on the butt. “Go open the door. Otherwise he might get the wrong—or maybe right?—impression.”

She did as he asked, scurrying back to her chair and retrieving her book. Allen had already stuffed himself under the covers, yanking them up to his chin.

In the time they had before Boar arrived, Allen replaced his contacts and whispered, “We should tell them. Eventually, don’t you think? I do consider them friends, and it’ll be easier coming from me than from your matriarch.”

“From us ,” she corrected, earning her a dazzling smile that threatened to melt her straight off her chair. “And not at the same time.”

“Rose first,” they agreed in unison. Rose’s somewhat reckless joie de vivre made her the most likely to accept him right off the bat, especially since she’d grown so fond of him.

Boar’s purposeful steps echoed through the second-floor hallway.

“In the meantime, do we pretend to loathe each other still?” he whispered .

“That depends. Would you like it if I played hard to get?”

“Really ups my prey drive, so, an emphatic yes .”

She cocked an eyebrow, sweeping her gaze down the length of him hidden under the comforter. “Does it up anything else?”

“Lilac,” he growled, half playfully, half in threat that he would tear the covers off him and prove to her, in graphic detail, just how up he was.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t use that tone when addressing my sister,” Boar said, stalking into the room.

Lilac, her back to the door, merely smirked at Allen as he swallowed back his lust and replaced it with a mask of contrition.

“She was the one who guarded your unconscious body until the rest of us arrived,” her brother said, stopping at her chair and molding a hand over its back.

“Apologies,” Allen said with an appropriate amount of sulk in his tone. “I was just upset that she left the Hall even after I explicitly told her to stay with you, endangering herself.” From the sharp look he gave her, Lilac knew he wasn’t lying.

“And I’ll have words with her about that later—”

Lilac rolled her eyes.

“—but she did it for you , Allen. What were you thinking going after Prue like that?”

“I was thinking she had endangered my wards for the last time and I was going to rip her throat out.”

Boar cleared his throat, possibly unnerved by the candidness in which Allen relayed that gruesome imagery.

If only you knew how true it was , Lilac mused.

“Yes, well, don’t worry about us so much, Allen. We three are the witches here; you’re a little more breakable as a human—you’re lucky you only got a glancing blow of that incendiary spell. We’d prefer it if you stayed alive, you know?”

“Well, some of us,” Lilac muttered, playing her part .

Boar moved his hand from her chair to her shoulder, squeezing down painfully in warning. “ Rose , in particular, was very worried and—”

“Oh shut up,” Allen told him. “Don’t use Rose as an excuse. She was probably cursing up a storm and it was you who was fussing over me like a mother hen, isn’t that right?” He gave Boar a big dopey grin that disarmed her brother completely.

“When you’re better, I’m going to beat your ass, you know that?”

“Well, you’ll try, I suppose.”

Boar snorted. “Get some rest. I wouldn’t want to beat you just because you weren’t at your best.”

“Rest? I slept through the entire night.”

“And we all know you’ve been burning the candle at both ends extending the wards far beyond their normal perimeter and helping us with the Gala. Take another nap,” he ordered. “Lilac? C’mon. He’ll sleep better if you’re not glowering at him.”

“But it’s how I show I care,” she said with saccharine sweetness.

“ Up .”

“Mind leaving me that book?” Allen asked her, jerking his chin towards Forgotten Lore of the Arcane . “I’m not ready for more sleep just yet, but I’m sure that book could help, especially if you find it interesting.”

“I’ll contemplate not saving your skin next time you’re in danger,” Lilac said snippily as she rose, tossing the little book dangerously close to his groin.

Allen grunted, flinching with the impact.

Boar practically hauled her out of the room then. She managed one final look at Allen though, risking a smile in response to his wink.

“You could be nicer to him, you know,” her brother growled down at her after he closed Allen’s door. “And are you wearing his clothes?”

“Well I wasn’t going to sit there all cold and wet while I waited for him to regain consciousness. Then the idiot didn’t wake up and I fell asleep in the chair. And why would I be nice to him? He’s an absolute beast.”

She smiled inwardly. And all mine, too .