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“…do wonder every now and then what became of her. Not to toot my own horn, but I think she enjoyed herself. I wonder if she ever wonders what became of me…”

You’ve had one foot out the door since the day you got here.

“Ahem.” Howard cleared his throat pointedly. “You’re obviously no longer here with me, old bean. What’s eating you?”

Luke blinked back to the present. “Sorry. It’s been a long week.”

Howard called for another pot of tea. “Does this abstraction have anything to do with Sera Swan?”

“What’s Verity told you?”

“She didn’t have to tell me anything,” said Howard cheerfully, rolling his eyes in a most un-Howard-like manner.

“I saw you with her, if you’ll recall, even if I didn’t actually know who she was until the very end.

If you could have seen the way you looked at each other!

And you! I’ve never seen you like that, Luke.

You were open. Warm. Happy. Why are you going back to Edinburgh anyway? For Posy?”

“Zahra can help her with her magic.”

“I can’t quite believe I’m about to say this, but, er, have you considered that magic isn’t everything?

” Howard had even lowered his voice like he was afraid magic would hear him.

“If Posy learns to hide her magic from nonmagical people, that’s all well and good, hurrah and everything, but is that what’s right for her or for you if it means giving up the one place you’ve both been happy?

” When Luke just stared at him, struggling to come up with a reply, Howard prompted him.

“You’ve been planning on going back to Edinburgh for months, long before you found out about this Zahra person, so it’s plainly not just about her. So?”

There was a time, not very long ago, when Luke would have retreated into icy, forbidding politeness and shut the conversation down. Instead, with his hands clenched tightly around his steaming mug, he found himself trying to explain the last few weeks.

“Er, hang on a tick.” Howard interrupted the explanation, looking utterly confused. “You say you told this boy that you’d stay if you could? Well, why can’t you?”

“Posy’s magic?”

“Yes, yes, you’ve said, but setting that aside for the moment, why can’t you stay?”

“I…” Confronted with the question, asked so bluntly, Luke was startled to find he didn’t know how to answer it. “I…”

You always expect to leave, so you’re always waiting for it.

“…I’m getting ahead of it.”

“Ahead of what?”

Luke shrugged. “Outstaying my welcome.”

“Ah.” The creases in Howard’s brow vanished. “I see. You’re doing that thing you do.”

It’s what you do. You always expect to leave, so you’re always waiting for it.

“Look, your parents did a number on you, old bean, and I’m not going to pretend the Guild has been particularly welcoming either,” Howard said, shuffling a little awkwardly like it was uncomfortable for him to acknowledge that the Guild he knew was not necessarily the same one that people like Luke and Sera knew.

“You haven’t, er, had the easiest time fitting in anywhere you’ve been.

That doesn’t mean it’s going to happen again.

You don’t have to exit, stage right, before you’ve even been asked to go. ”

You’ve had one foot out the door since the day you got here.

Luke had never felt like his parents’ house was home, and he’d certainly never felt like the Guild was home, but he’d thought he’d learned to live with that. He’d thought he’d accepted that his choices were to be icy or to be alone.

Then he’d seen the same thing happen to Posy.

He’d seen their parents and her schools and the Guild governesses treat her like she was an annoyance, a burden, unwelcome , and it had been so familiar, so uniquely painful, that he’d refused to see it unravel the same way.

Refused, for Posy’s sake, but he’d never actually let his own history go.

“She was right,” Luke said quietly, stunned. “She tried to tell me, but I didn’t hear it.”

You’ve had one foot out the door since the day you got here.

It was true. He had. He had been halfway gone already.

It’s what you do. Every time he started to let his guard down, every time his mask cracked, he expected to have to go.

It was what he’d learned. He, Luke, the real Luke, was not acceptable.

Posy, the real Posy, was not acceptable.

Sooner or later, they were too much, or not enough, and they had to go.

So he’d been expecting it. Waiting for it.

He’d gotten ahead of it at the inn, over and over, insisting time and time again that he wasn’t staying long, that they’d leave soon, and he’d thought he’d been protecting them both, but it hadn’t occurred to him that what he’d really been doing each time was hurting the people he’d insisted he was leaving.

“She was right,” Luke said again. “ You’re right.”

“There really is a first time for everything,” Howard said, settling contentedly back into his chair.

There was a reason the house in Edinburgh had turned him back into tin. It didn’t matter how nice it was, or how much he loved the city, or what their parents wanted. It wasn’t home. Home was somewhere else.

Maybe it was time to believe in other people again. Maybe it was time to take a chance on them.

Maybe there would come a day when he’d outstay his welcome. Maybe there would come a time when he wouldn’t be wanted anymore.

Maybe that day would never come.

Luke would never know if he didn’t stay.

He stood abruptly. “Howard, you’re a very good friend and I promise I’ll see you soon, but right now, right this minute, I’m going home.”