Page 22 of A Witch’s Guide to Love and Poison

22

T wo weeks seemed like a lot of time, but days passed in the blink of an eye. Bisma had to keep up with her orders, for people were counting on her, and she continued working with Xander, but nothing they did seemed to be working.

Even the Enchanted Forest was upset. The fog around the perimeter had thinned, fruit was rotting, the lake was murky, creeks had run dry, and the animals were quiet.

Bisma tried to be cheery for Luna and Mei’s sakes, but she was unbearably frightened. Paranoia was setting in as well; she felt at any moment, her remaining sisters would fall.

What was the end game? To eliminate them all? Why not get it over with?

But more likely, the goal was to make Bisma suffer. If Eleanora was getting revenge for losing her best friend, who was like a sister to her, it would make sense to make Bisma feel that same pain again and again and again.

Whenever Bisma felt herself spiraling, she thought of the last letter she had received, and found strength from the words.

I confess I have also been feeling that way as of late, as though I cannot get my footing. I am dealing with a problem that is proving difficult to solve, and I have never dealt with anything like it before. But for both our cases, I think we need to focus on the good, the little steps we are taking. We must hold onto hope, for it is hope that will carry us through.

Don’t give up, Bisma. I believe in you. I don’t think there is any reality in which you will fail.

Your friend

Bisma hoped she would not fail, and, even as she worried, she refused to expose that worry to her sisters. Which was why she allowed Mei to do her hair every day.

‘Who am I trying to impress?’ Bisma asked, as Mei finished off a complicated braid.

‘Mmm, no one,’ Mei sing-songed, giggling. ‘There.’

Bisma ran her hand over the braid, which was perfectly neat. She wrapped a string of motia around the braid, inhaling the scent of jasmine.

‘I like Xander, by the way,’ Mei said, tucking her silky hair behind her ear.

Bisma gave her a funny look. ‘That’s nice … And why exactly are you informing me of this?’

‘No reason,’ Mei said, smiling.

‘I like him, as well,’ Luna added from her position on the sofa, where she was reading a book.

Bisma furrowed her brows. ‘It doesn’t matter if you like him; we’re only colleagues.’

‘ Colleagues , right … right …’

Bisma narrowed her eyes at Luna. ‘Mei, love, why don’t you go check on the chickens?’ After Mei had gone, Bisma said to Luna, ‘Speaking of boys you like, I don’t think you should be ignoring Haru so vehemently.’

Luna looked up from her book to give Bisma a glare. ‘Just drop it.’

‘I’m not going to drop it,’ Bisma said, getting up. She went to the sofa, plopping down on Luna’s legs.

‘Ow!’ Luna cried, trying to kick Bisma off. ‘Baji, get off!’

‘No.’ Bisma settled in on Luna’s legs, reaching over to close Luna’s book. ‘Haru is such a sweet boy. Why are you living in fear? Put yourself out there!’

Bisma knew he wouldn’t hurt Luna; every time she saw Haru, he asked after Luna. He was clearly sad to not hear from her, and if he did not genuinely care about her, he would have gotten over her by now.

Luna’s mouth fell open. ‘Oh, that’s rich coming from you!’

Bisma flinched. ‘What is that supposed to mean?’

‘Xander is so great—he’s so kind —but you don’t trust him!’

Bisma bristled. ‘That’s different.’

Luna gave her a superior glance. ‘Oh really? How?’

‘It just is.’

Luna was wrong—Bisma did trust Xander, of course she did. Why else would she have gone to him for a cure and keep going to him? The problem was she did not trust herself. She had been wrong about Gregory, and she could be wrong about Xander, too.

But Luna saying that Xander was great did make Bisma feel a bit better. She trusted her sister’s judgment, and knew Luna only wanted what was best for Bisma, just like Bisma only wanted what was best for her.

Bisma groaned, sinking back into the pillows.

‘How about a deal?’ Luna said, sitting up. ‘If you let Xander in, I will let Haru in.’

Bisma narrowed her eyes. ‘Since when were you so conniving?’ Luna smiled. ‘Fine. Deal. As long as you uphold it.’

‘I will!’ Luna said, though she looked daunted and fiddled with the ends of her braid.

‘Good. Because I’m going to town, so you’re coming with me.’

‘Ah, wait! I need to get ready first!’ Luna cried. She was immediately nervous.

Bisma smiled, getting off the sofa. ‘Mei!’ she called down the stairs. ‘We need you to do Lulu’s hair!’

‘Yay!’ Mei called back. She ran up the stairs, joining them, grinning with excitement. They went up to Luna’s room, and as Mei did Luna’s hair, twisting it up, Bisma pulled out Luna’s favorite dress with matching stockings and shoes.

‘Baji, pinch me,’ Luna instructed, sitting down in front of her mirror.

Giving her sister a strange look, Bisma reached over and pinched Luna’s arm.

‘Ow!’ Luna shrieked. ‘I meant my cheeks! I need a rosy flush.’

‘Oh.’

‘Should I slap her?’ Mei offered.

Luna gave her an arch look in the mirror’s reflection. ‘You focus on the hair, will you?’

Mei giggled, then Bisma pinched Luna’s cheeks until they were suitably flushed as Mei finished her hair. As Luna got changed, Bisma got dressed as well, chatting with Mei and Luna from the top of the stairs.

It was nice, even with just the three of them; their home wasn’t entirely empty.

When they were ready, Bisma and Luna left Mei in the Forest and went to town. Luna took measured breaths, but as they grew closer and closer to the bakery, Luna’s steps slowed, until she stopped entirely.

‘Oh no,’ Luna whispered. ‘My tummy hurts. Perhaps I should go back.’

‘You’re alright, Lu.’ Bisma held her hand and squeezed.

Luna squeezed back, her brown eyes wide. ‘I’m just so scared … If I don’t want him, then it’s my choice and I can live with that hurt. But if I reach for him and get rejected …’

Bisma released a breath. ‘I know … trust me, I know . But you— we —need to be brave.’

Luna shuddered and then took a steadying breath. ‘Yes. And we can be. We’re Unwanted Girls! The villagers fear us!’

Bisma laughed, and Luna joined her.

‘Go on,’ Bisma said, nudging her forward.

Bisma stayed outside and watched as Luna entered the bakery. At first, Haru didn’t notice; he was sitting forlornly with his chin in his palm, sighing as he stirred a bowl with his other hand. But then he did a double take, registering who was there before him, and he lit up. He was so happy to see her.

‘Luna!’ Bisma heard him cry. Without hesitation, he dropped what he was doing and went round the counter to greet her. Haru scooped her into his arms, hugging her. ‘I missed you.’

He pulled back. There was a streak of flour on his face.

Luna lifted her hand, brushing it aside, and he held her hand to his cheek.

‘I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you,’ she said.

‘Come, sit, let’s talk,’ Haru said, holding her hand.

Bisma left them, then. She knew they would be alright.

Luna had upheld her end of the deal, now it was time for Bisma to uphold hers. The prospect was only slightly nauseating.

Bisma went to the greenhouse, where Xander was happy to see her. She noticed it now. He was always bright and energetic, but when she arrived, he grew even more so. She felt like a hissing stray cat, while he was more like one of those adorable puppies rich people carried around in their baskets.

As they got to work and the day carried on, Bisma allowed herself to notice Xander more—how kind and considerate he was toward her. When they were working together, he always gave her a bit of space, not being invasive, and he was always glancing up at her in case she needed something, anything.

Once she started noticing, she couldn’t stop.

Had he always been like this? Had she truly never realized?

Bisma wanted to let him in, but it felt as though her heart was so tightly secured she could not reach it. It tried to break free from its restraints, but it was as if she had locked her heart away so long ago, that she no longer knew where the key was.

A part of her, too, was afraid that once her heart was set free, she would regret the mess it would make.

And yet—she still wanted to. She wanted .

She couldn’t stop wanting; she didn’t know how. It clung to her all day, like a film over her skin, heavy like a stone sitting in the pit of her stomach, demanding to be acknowledged, to have something done about it.

In the afternoon Xander brought in a tray of food from the main house for them: bread and a lentil stew, along with a pot of tea. They ate, discussing various theories for the cure, as well as talking about random, mundane things.

It was often like this, them talking about things she later could not remember precisely. All she could recall was how easy it was talking to him and listening to him talk. Comfortable and always interesting. She was never bored, not with him.

Today was no different. After they ate, Xander poured her a cup of tea, making it how she liked, and she supposed he had done so numerous times over the past two weeks—surely, she had poured him tea sometime in all these hours they spent working together—but today was the first time she really paid attention.

He knew just how much milk she took, just how much sugar. He had watched and noted and thought it worth remembering , storing this information until it could be useful to him, then applying it to make her this perfect cup of tea, which warmed her hands and soothed her parched throat and made her feel all types of cozy.

Luna was right. He was so kind .

It suddenly made her want to cry.

Her hands shook as she set down the teacup, and she quickly blinked away the tears filling her eyes. And he noticed—of course he noticed. He always did.

And that only made her eyes well up again.

‘What is it?’ he asked, worried. He was sitting across from her and scooted closer. ‘Bis, what did I do?’

‘I’m just not used to …’ The words felt impossible to say, but she had to try. She had told Luna she would, and she wouldn’t break a promise to one of her sisters, no matter how embarrassing it was. ‘I’m not used to being taken care of like this.’

‘What do you mean?’ he asked, his voice gentle. He waited patiently for her to speak, giving her due time to collect her thoughts, to formulate them into something coherent.

She swallowed.

‘A few years ago, I was involved with someone,’ she said. There was that familiar pang, the shame. ‘He didn’t … care about me—he wasn’t very nice, but I liked him so very much … I was young and foolish. And it’s been years, but it still feels so jarring to be treated with kindness from someone who isn’t family.’

‘You deserve all the kindness in the world,’ Xander said, as if this was a foregone conclusion. ‘I’m sorry he made you doubt that—you didn’t deserve to be treated the way you were. I hope you know that.’

‘I know,’ Bisma said, and a tear rolled down her cheek. She swiped it away angrily. ‘That’s what—that’s what makes me so upset. I know I didn’t deserve it, but I was a fool, and I accepted it anyway.’

She stood up for the village girls who needed poisons to fight their bullies, she fought against Luna’s father and her sisters’ abusers, but the first pretty boy who had given her any attention at all, she had fallen at his feet, she did whatever he said, and she was thankful for it, which was what disgusted her the most.

She truly thought he had liked her! But all he had liked was what she was giving him: all her affection, her energy, her time. Everything he wanted, exactly when he wanted it, how he wanted it.

She hated to remember that point in her life; it filled her with absolute horror.

‘That’s why when you’re kind to me it’s … unnerving,’ she said, pushing forward. ‘It feels like a gift I’m not meant to receive, which makes me feel as though you’re trying to trick me, that you’re only doing it for a certain reason, because you want something from me.’

She shook her head. ‘Gregory was nice in the beginning,’ she said, covering her face with her hands, ‘but then once he got what he wanted from me, he changed, and I was a fool for clinging onto the memories of how he was instead of facing the reality in front of me.’

‘You weren’t a fool,’ Xander said. ‘Hey.’ He pulled her hands away from her face, and she looked into his eyes. ‘You were in love,’ he continued. ‘And this Gregory character is the real fool, for not cherishing the treasure that is your affection.’

Xander swallowed, edging closer.

‘Bis,’ he said, taking her hand in his. His skin was warm, soft. ‘I really like you, and I think you like me, too. I understand that you’re scared and hesitant—but I just want you to know that I am not like him. I would never treat you like that.’

At this he broke off, forcing himself to take measured breaths as he clenched his jaw. He was angry on her behalf, angry just at the thought of how she had been treated.

‘As I was saying,’ he continued after a moment. ‘I genuinely like you, and I like spending time with you; it’s why I agreed to help you find the cure in the first place, silly.’

‘I thought it was because you said it was interesting from an academic viewpoint!’ she said, positively shocked by this news.

‘Yes, I mean, of course it is,’ he said, flashing her a smile, ‘but you’re more interesting. From a Xander viewpoint.’

Her face got warm at that.

‘See,’ he said, running his knuckles against her cheek. ‘Your face gets just slightly pink, hardly noticeable.’

‘Then how do you notice?’

‘I’m always paying attention when it comes to you, Bisma.’

She narrowed her eyes. She believed everything he was saying, she did, but old habits die hard. She couldn’t help being prickly and untrusting, she just couldn’t.

‘I’m not being kind to trick you,’ he said. ‘Or to seduce you! I simply enjoy being nice to you.’

‘Why? Particularly when I am not nice to you.’

‘I don’t know.’ He shrugged. ‘And I know you don’t mean it, not really.’

‘ How do you know?’

‘I just do … I know you.’

‘How?’

He laughed. ‘I pay attention.’

‘Why do you pay attention?’ She was being petulant, but she couldn’t help it.

‘Because you’re … you . You’re interesting and fascinating, and I like learning about you.’

‘Hmm …’

He smiled, bumping her shoulder with his. ‘I’m not like him,’ he said in a more serious tone. ‘Can you try to see that? If I was simply trying to find someone to seduce, I’m sure it would be much more efficient to approach any of the admirers you mentioned the other day.’ He considered it. ‘Actually, it would be much easier, really. You’re incredibly difficult, did you know that?’

‘Well, what if you’re just trying to “tame” me, like all the village boys wish to do with Unwanted Girls?’ she asked, scowling.

He laughed at that. ‘Why would I want to tame you? I’m sorry, but that sounds thoroughly impossible. Besides, from what I recall, I’ve already given you full leave to bite me whenever you want.’

His eyes warmed with heat.

She chewed on her bottom lip. ‘Hmm.’

He was right.

He was an incorrigible flirt, but he wasn’t aggressive. Gregory had tried to kiss Bisma the second time they went out together, but in all this time, Xander had not made any attempts—even when she had wanted him to. And whenever Xander touched her, it was always gentle, not presumptuous.

So she could no longer be afraid; she had promised Luna, after all.

She sighed. ‘FINE.’

‘“Fine” what?’ He knit his brows.

‘Take me out for dinner.’

He was startled. ‘Bisma, that wasn’t what I was trying to—’

‘Xander, why are you arguing with me?’

He geared up with a response, then paused. He blinked. ‘You’re absolutely right, why am I arguing with you?’ He shot to his feet. ‘Be ready at seven!’

Before she knew what he was doing, he quickly kissed her cheek. A tingle went down her spine; she touched a cold hand to her warm cheek, as if to capture the kiss.

‘Wait!’ she cried, realizing that he was leaving. ‘Where are you going?’

‘I have a beauty routine I must get to!’ he called back, not bothering to turn. ‘I have a date and must look my absolute best!’

She laughed, feeling giddy. But she was frightened, too.

She didn’t want to ruin this, whatever it was.