Page 21 of A Wager With A Rake (Wicked Widows #32)
“I must admit,” Harrison started, “it is quite difficult to deny my girls anything. I have a feeling the next babe is yet another girl who will also have me wrapped around her tiny finger.”
Rebecca beamed at her husband with nothing but love and admiration, and Court was more envious than he’d ever been in his entire life.
She then refocused on Court. “Although I had to promise my husband that we would remain here for the duration of my confinement if I should experience even the slightest discomfort while in residence.”
“Of course. You are all welcome here as long as you wish to stay.” Perhaps filling his home with family would further aid in distracting Court from his broken heart and help him move on for good.
Rebecca beamed down at Eli, who hovered shyly behind Court. “Hello, Eli. I’m your sister, Rebecca, and I’m overjoyed to make your acquaintance at last. Our brother has told me all about you.”
The boy glanced up at Court and then tentatively returned her smile. Court looked on with approval, thrilled to see his siblings united at last. It was the most content he’d felt since he’d left Theodosia behind.
That evening, the family gathered for supper.
Court had invited both June and Eli to join them as well.
It had taken Court and Rebecca quite a bit of convincing to get June to dine with two earls, feeling that it wasn’t her place.
But after sitting in silence for the first course, she finally opened up and shared a bit about herself with the group.
Eli regaled Rebecca and Harrison with everything he had been learning and his progress with his riding lessons.
Rebecca and Harrison proved their true character, treating the boy with the same doting attention they lavished on their own daughter. Court’s heart swelled to see it, knowing Eli would never want for familial love. Wishing his and Rebecca’s home had been the same when they were young.
After supper, June insisted on taking Eli to their home to get him washed and into bed. Harrison, Rebecca, and Court moved to the drawing room to continue what Court expected to be a conversation about little Theo and his sister’s married life.
But no sooner had they settled into their seats than Rebecca fixed Court with a knowing look. “Now, Brother, you will tell me what the devil happened with Theodosia. And don’t bother with evasions—I know everything.”
Court froze, almost dropping the snifter of brandy he’d just poured for himself.
Clearing his throat, he attempted a nonchalant tone. It could merely be her attempt to see what he would tell her, and he wouldn’t fall for it. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, sister. Theodosia and I are merely—”
But Rebecca cut him off with an impatient wave. “Please, Court. She is my closest friend, and we visited her on the way here after her last letter to me sparked a bit of concern. What I fail to understand is why you are such a bacon-brained dunderhead.”
Court gritted his teeth. His sister wasn’t incorrect in her assessment of him, but it still irritated him that she would say so. He glanced at Harrison, hoping he might find a bit of assistance, but was met with an amused grin. “What does it matter, Sister?”
She scoffed and glanced at her husband. “Do you believe this?” Rebecca refocused her attention on Court. “Because you are both dear to me and are you truly so big of a rake and libertine that you have given no thought to taking up a more meaningful life?”
“What is it that you think I am doing here?” he replied defensively. “I have righted every wrong of our father, and I am spending time with Eli. Do I appear to be raking about or gambling? I haven’t even had a woman in my bed since…” His voice trailed off and he took a long sip of his brandy.
Harrison choked back a laugh, folding his arms over his chest as he watched the scene unfold.
“And what of marriage and a family, dear brother? And love?”
“Help me here, Harrison,” Court pleaded. “Surely your wife is in need of her rest after your travels.”
“I’m curious to hear the answer as well,” Harrison replied, to which Rebecca gave her husband an approving grin.
Court ran his hand down his face. He was surprised he had any skin left, given how many times he had done so over the past few weeks. “Just because you two are so blissfully in love doesn’t mean that’s in the cards for everyone else.”
“And why not you, Court? Why do you resist the slightest idea of love?”
“I don’t resist it. I…” his voice trailed off, realizing he’d already said more than he wanted to.
Rebecca motioned for him to continue. “Don’t stop now. Are you telling me you just don’t have any tendre for Theodosia? And it wouldn’t bother you to know that she’d taken up with one of the men at the tavern to keep her company?”
“Tell me you are lying,” he practically shouted before he jumped up and paced the room. “She deserves to be loved and not used by some Neanderthal with wandering hands. He can’t be good enough for her. If he touched her…”
Rebecca and Harrison glanced at each other, and then Court felt their gazes burning into him. “I never said she actually did so,” Rebecca said nonchalantly. “But you have answered my question. What I don’t understand is why you are here alone and miserable, and she is there alone and miserable?”
“She’s miserable?” Court asked.
“God, you are daft, which makes you perfect for each other. Because you are both the two most blind, stubborn people I have ever met.”
“I feel as if I might have just received a compliment,” Harrison said, grinning at his wife.
Rebecca waved her husband off. “I am saying more than I ought because I don’t understand why the two of you make this harder than it needs to be. She’s in love with you.”
“What?” Court asked, his heart thundering in his chest. She loved him?
“Do I truly need to repeat myself?”
Court’s thoughts raced. As much as it made his heart swell to know that she returned his love, none of this changed anything. “I am not good enough for her, Sister. I am not good enough for anyone.”
Rebecca rose from her seat, which appeared to require a bit more effort in her condition. Harrison was fast behind her, watching her cautiously. “Why do you doubt yourself, Brother? You have truly worked so hard to become the most honorable of men.”
Court hung his head, shame and sorrow warring in his breast. If only he could believe her comforting words. If only he possessed the courage to accept Theodosia’s love.
But the wounds of the past cut deep, leaving scars of inadequacy that might never fully heal. Looking into his sister’s compassionate eyes, Court felt the first stirrings of hope, but he wasn’t convinced.
“Father,” Court said, not speaking anything else.
Rebecca rolled her eyes. “This is about him? For heaven’s sake, Court. The man was cruel to you to be certain, but he no longer walks this earth. He was wrong then, and even more wrong now. Don’t give him the satisfaction of giving his words any further attention.”
“That’s easier said than done,” Court said.
He still hadn’t managed to quiet his father’s voice in his head, other than when he was with Theodosia, he supposed.
“No one has ever truly believed in me, Rebecca. Father certainly never did. Society sees me as nothing more than a scoundrel. How could I not disappoint her?”
“Oh, Court, you are so much more, and you know it! Look at all the good you have done—righting Father’s wrongs, embracing Eli as our brother, falling in love, and in your own way, attempting to do the honorable thing, even if you are incorrect.
These are not the actions of an unworthy man.
” Rebecca’s unwavering gaze pierced through Court’s defenses.
“Why do you persist in this self-flagellation, Brother? Can you not see the good in yourself that is so apparent to those who love you?”
“You have to love me,” he deadpanned.
Rebecca rolled her eyes. “But Theodosia holds no such requirement, and yet she does. She fell in love with you for being only you. No one else. No hope of some different man who would become someone else. Just you. Please don’t allow your fears to rob you both of the love you deserve.”
For the first time, he allowed his sister’s words to soak in. “You truly believe that?”
“Of course. Be my confident, charismatic brother and go seize your happiness.”
“Do you truly think she might forgive me? That she would even accept me after the way I left?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Rebecca smiled, her eyes shining with affection. “I know she will.”
As he absorbed Rebecca’s impassioned words, a small flicker of hope ignited in Court’s chest. He had thought so poorly of himself for so long.
Could he see himself the way his sister did?
Or, more importantly, be the man Theodosia deserved?
He had to try. If not, he’d continue to live his life in misery, desperately clinging to anything that might free him from the pain of missing her.
He squared his shoulders, a new sense of determination settling over him. “You’re right, dear sister. I’ve been a fool, allowing Father’s cruel words to rule me. But no more. I must go to her.”
Rebecca wrapped her arms tightly around her brother. Court would prove himself worthy of Theodosia’s love, no matter what it took. He would lay his heart in the palm of her hand and hope with everything he had left that she still felt the same. For a future without her was no future at all.
“I must depart tonight,” he declared. Court had left her under the cover of darkness, and he would return to her in the same manner. He couldn’t wait another moment as he’d already wasted far too much time already.
Court summoned his butler and requested his carriage to be readied.
“I will return as soon as I can,” Court said, refocusing his attention on Rebecca and Harrison. “Will you look after Eli and tell him where I have gone?”
Rebecca smirked at him, nodding in agreement.
Court hurried from the room. Not needing to waste time packing anything.
With any luck, he’d bring Theodosia back so they could plan their wedding while Rebecca and Harrison were in residence.
Their wedding? He drew a deep breath, hoping she’d accept him.
Because now that he’d accepted that he wouldn’t go on without her, he wasn’t certain he could walk away again.
He raced for the door, deciding he’d wait impatiently for the carriage to roll up in front of the house so he could depart immediately. He wouldn’t even bother waiting for Jenkins to accompany him.
Turning the knob, he flung the door open and was startled by the figure in front of him. His heart jumped into his throat, and he gripped the doorframe for support.
“Tess?”