Page 36 of A Virgin for the Ton’s Wolf (Ton’s Wolves #4)
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
T hey called him a murderer, accused him of killing his own blood. They said he was violent, that he would harm her, too, if she gave him the chance.
But Scarlett had already known. Not all of it, perhaps, but she was neither blind nor stupid.
The kitchen staff had whispered about it the first time she wandered into their domain, looking for a glass of warm milk. Hudson had told her some of it. So, when Alexander came out with the accusation, she had not entirely been caught off-guard.
The silence stretched endlessly between them, and all she could hear for a while was the sound of the carriage wheels grinding along the path back to Wolverton Estate.
She would have no more of it.
“So…” She leveled him with her most serious glare. “Are you going to tell me all about it?”
Hudson shrugged his shoulders. His expression was seemingly nonchalant, but the wariness in his gaze betrayed him.
“What more is there to say?” he muttered. “I killed a man.”
She wanted to pound him over the head. Was he still trying to be obtuse with her? He should have known by now that her stubbornness far exceeded his.
“And?” she prodded. “Killed a man, who? Killed a man, why?”
He shot her a look that told her he wanted to close this discussion forever .
“My father,” he said flatly. “I killed my father, little cat. Does that satisfy your curiosity now?”
She tilted her head to the side. “I thought the late Duke died of a heart ailment.”
He laughed humorlessly. “That was the story my brother told to protect our family.”
“To protect you .”
Naked pain flashed in his eyes. “Yes,” he bit out. “He summoned the family physician and swore him to secrecy the night my father died. Told him to tell everyone that the Duke had passed suddenly, his heart giving away when I told him that I was going to join the army.”
“Only that was not the case, was it?” she said softly. “You joined the army, but it was after your father died.”
“After I killed him,” he corrected. “And yes, my brother sent me to the army as part of the grand scheme to cover up the truth of our father’s death.”
His hands were on his knees, his knuckles white. His jaw was tight as he forced the confessions out of his chest.
These were the ghosts of his past that had taken root in his soul, weighing him down. This was the darkness that had haunted him and kept him from her.
“Why?”
“Little cat, you do not want to venture there,” he growled in warning. “Some things are better left unsaid.”
“And some wounds fester until they are beyond healing,” she argued. “I married you . All of you. I will have everything, including the things you never speak of.”
“What is there left to speak of? I killed my father, my own blood.”
“Why?” she persisted. “People kill each other for many reasons. For money. For power. For justice.” She paused and took a deep breath, looking him right in the eyes. “You did not stand to inherit much, even if you murdered him. You had an older brother who would have inherited most of his lands and title, the Wolverton fortune. Yet, your brother still protected you when it happened. Nothing is ever so simple.”
He laughed harshly. “And this is what I get for marrying an intelligent woman.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Would you rather have married a dimwit who would acquiesce to your every whim?”
“Never,” he growled. “You are the only one I would marry, and in my selfishness, I have dragged you into my personal hell.” He closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, pain and tiredness etched on his features. “I did not intend to kill him… merely to stop him from killing her .”
Her blood ran cold at the implication of his words. She had heard stories of how the former Duke had not been a kind husband. How he had kept Diana locked up in their estate.
He must have done worse to her that the rest of the ton was not privy to. Many men were simply… cruel.
“I pushed him away from her,” he whispered hoarsely. “He fell, but that time, he never got up.” He smiled bitterly. “You thought you married the Wolf, but I am worse than that—I am a beast who murdered his own kin.”
The self-loathing in his voice made her want to cry.
“It sounds more like an accident. You did not intend to kill him,” she whispered. “Accidents happen.”
“Not really, little cat. That time, I used more force than was necessary. Somewhere in the bottom of my heart, I wanted him dead.”
“Then it was either him or your mother.” She frowned. “And honestly, knowing Diana the way I do now, I was glad you made that choice.” She reached out to cup his face. “You will not hurt me.”
His eyes flew open in disbelief. A pained expression took its place only for a moment before he looked away from her.
Had no one, even his brother, thought to commend him for saving his mother?
“You still do not understand, do you, little cat?” He shook his head. “I am not just a Wolf—I am a beast. But I would cut myself open before I hurt you. I cannot, however, force you to lie with a monster.”
A monster?
“So, you still have not changed your mind about us?” she choked out, her heart seizing in her chest. In the end, she still was not enough. “You are never going to change your mind, are you?”
She hated how her voice hitched, how it rose almost hysterically. How he seemed to remain stoic throughout it all when his gaze found hers again.
“This is what I wanted to protect you from,” he whispered hoarsely. “From the moment you showed up on my doorstep. Now, you cannot leave.”
Scarlett clenched her hands into fists beneath her skirts. This was his choice, and there was nothing she could do to change his mind.
She swallowed hard and forced herself to meet his tortured gaze. “Well,” she said, her mouth dry as dust. “I am very sorry for what you had to do. I wish you could have trusted me more. I wish I had been enough for you to leave this all behind, but you have made the choice for me. You force me to live in solitude. Hudson…” Her voice cracked. “I am not sure I want that.”
The carriage slowed to a stop, and she moved to the door. She did not wait for him or the footman.
She was done waiting for others to make decisions for her.
She had walked away from him, but that did not mean she could shake him off. He followed her all the way to her suite, watching as she picked up the puppy waiting for her at the door.
Snowdrop turned to him expectantly, but Scarlett had already closed the door behind her.
“Your Grace, the Duke of Ashton is waiting for you in your study,” the butler informed him quietly.
Hudson nodded and walked to his study, every step weighing heavily in his chest. He opened the door to find his friend sitting on the sofa, his expression neutral.
“I suppose the others sent you here,” he sighed and poured two glasses of brandy. “They had to pick the toughest one to talk some sense into me, is that it?”
Daniel smirked as he accepted the drink. “Actually, I lost a bet.”
“You? Losing a bet?” Hudson scoffed. The man owned more than a dozen gambling halls in London alone. Ashton never placed a bet he was not certain of winning. “Well then, say your piece, so you can leave.”
His friend’s eyes flickered slightly as he observed him. Out of the four Wolves, it was Daniel who had the greatest powers of observation. Hudson had no doubt he was being thoroughly dissected under that cool gaze.
“Perhaps you can start by telling me what happened, Wolf.”
“What is there to tell? You probably heard everything from Colin already.”
“Ah, but Colin was not inside the carriage with you and your Duchess, was he?”
Hudson glared at him and downed his drink. “She knows.”
A sly eyebrow rose. “Knows what?”
“I meant that Scarlett knows everything,” he enunciated sarcastically. “I told her everything. Everything . And that infuriating woman is not even furious about all the things she should rightfully be livid about.”
“You mean you found that remarkable woman who did not go running for the hills the moment she learned the truth about you?” Daniel mused, stroking his chin. “My, old friend. It seems you have stumbled upon a rare gem.” His lips curled into a smile. “And you do not even realize it.”
“Oh, I know that she is a rare gem, all right,” Hudson grumbled, pouring himself another drink. This conversation would probably call for the whole bottle. “Only a madwoman would stay after everything she knows now.”
“Oh, so you do realize it. You just refuse to accept it,” his friend pointed out with a shrewd smile. “From one friend to another—one who has had to deal with a rare woman himself—do not lose her. You will never find another one like her, Hudson, and regret is a far more bitter pill to swallow than your pride.” He finished his drink and set it down on the table. “Do not wait until it is too late, old friend.”
Then, he stood up and left.
It was not Daniel’s way to say goodbye. The man was not much for words, and he came and went as he pleased.
This conversation was probably one of the longest they had, but Hudson knew that his friend would not waste words with him.
Damn it all to hell , he cursed inwardly, pouring himself another drink. It looked like he was going to end up finishing the whole bottle by himself.
Hudson did not join her for dinner.
In fact, he had not emerged from his study from the moment they arrived after that fateful jaunt at the Park.
“He is a truly stubborn man, Snowdrop,” Scarlett sighed. “And I am just as stubborn as him, but even I cannot change his mind and make him see sense. He has to come to terms with everything on his own.”
Snowdrop whined and laid his head on her lap.
“He is consumed by the ghost of his past,” she whispered bitterly.
She stroked the soft fur on his head as she stared into the fire. The room was toasty warm, but she felt so cold inside. Not even the biggest hearth would be able to ward off the chill that had settled in her heart.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on her door. Scarlett looked up with a frown to find her maid.
“Your Grace,” the young woman greeted with wide eyes. “Lord Southford sends word.”
Scarlett clenched her hands into fists. “I have no need for his apologies. Tell him that I do not wish to communicate with him for the time being.”
“It is not that, Your Grace,” the maid whispered. “It is your mother—Lady Southford.”
Scarlett stood up so suddenly that she felt the room spin around her briefly. “What happened? Is Mama all right?”
“She… The events of this afternoon have reached the Dowager Countess, Your Grace. Lord Southford sent word that she collapsed?—”
“Good heavens!” Her hand flew to her mouth. “Why did they even tell her about it? Never mind—my brother is an idiot, I know that already. Fetch me my coat and make haste! We must make for Southford Estate as soon as possible!”
As her maid helped her dress for the journey back to her childhood home, Scarlett briefly considered informing Hudson.
It’s not like he would care if I disappeared . Maybe it is even for the best if I stayed in Southford Estate for a while.
If Hudson insisted on locking himself in his study, then she was not going to force him out of his self-imposed isolation.
She was done trying to convince him otherwise.
Hudson raised his hand to knock on the door. He did not dare to think how Scarlett would react to the sight of him at her door at his hour, but he could not stay away anymore.
He knocked. “Little cat,” he called out.
No answer.
He sighed. She was probably still angry with him, and he could not fault her for that. He deserved her ire and more.
He knocked again. “Scarlett?”
Still no response.
He frowned. This was silly and childish, and she knew better than to think there was a door on God’s green earth that could keep him from her.
He turned the knob and strode inside, only to be met with a soft growl. Snowdrop rushed at him and then, as if the puppy recognized him from the time he spent in her bed, happily sat down at his feet, its tongue lolling out.
“Where is Scarlett?” Hudson felt stupid asking a goddamn puppy where its owner was, but this was what his world had come to.
He looked up. There was only silence and darkness. Not even a single candle flickering. He frowned as ice filled his veins.
“Scarlett!” he hollered, striding towards the bed.
He flung the covers back and was met with emptiness. He wrenched the wardrobe open and rifled through silks and velvet.
She was gone.
His chest heaved and then clenched painfully.
She had left him.
No, no, no.
He had made his choice, sentenced her to a life of loneliness. He could not fault her for wanting to be free of him.
He sank to his knees as Snowdrop trotted over to him.
Scarlett was gone, and with her, she had taken all that was bright in the world.