Page 66 of A Vegas Crush Collection #2
“Yeah,” he says, looking away and swallowing.
I think he is struggling not to show emotion.
In that way, he is like my brother and father.
But he manages to push it down. “I’m just happy they’ll have some normalcy in their lives for a bit.
A routine. Children’s Services said Haley had poor attendance at her school in Boston, and Logan was never registered for preschool.
I guess Haley was often home taking care of Logan. How fucked up is that? She’s six.”
My heart breaks for the two sweet kids asleep in the bedroom only feet away from us. “This is a good thing you are doing.”
“I hope. I hope they don’t just go right back to that shithole of a situation,” he says sharply. “Fuck, it makes me so angry. I don’t think Haley is even reading yet and Logan seems really fuckin’ lost, poor little guy.”
“Well, maybe after the park we can go out and get the kids some books and puzzles tonight. And let them pick out some things to make the room their own?”
“Good idea,” he says, stepping forward to pull me into a hug. “Thanks again for bein’ here. I needed it.”
I needed it too, though.
As we walk toward the entrance of the store, Logan’s little hand firmly in mine, Haley asks, “Are you sure you’re not my brother’s wife?”
“Pretty sure,” I say with a smile down at her cute face looking up at me. “I think I would remember getting married.”
“Come on, now,” Tyler says, picking her up and setting her on his hip. “You know Zoya is just my really good friend. We talked about this.”
“Well she acts like she lives with you,” Haley says.
“I live on campus, in a dorm room,” I answer. “I’m just a college student, too young to get married.”
“Well, not technically,” Tyler mutters. “I mean, you’re an adult…”
I roll my eyes. “Not helpful, Ty.”
“I think you’d be a pretty wife,” Haley announces.
“I agree,” Tyler says.
I ignore them both and head toward the book section of the store.
Once we return to Tyler’s place, the kids ask if they can watch cartoons. Tyler says they can, for a little while, but then they need to take baths and read stories, and then go to bed. He tries to explain the time difference, but they don’t get it.
While they watch shows, I spread out my statistics textbook, notes, and calculator.
I have an important project due in three days and I’m way behind.
Ty helps me sort out my research and put it into a spreadsheet.
From there, we work through the details of the project and I can’t believe how much better I understand it when he explains it to me.
Each time our eyes meet, there is a new spark there, a growing of this thing that is happening between us.
It causes me some internal anxiety, to be honest. Initially, I saw him as a party boy, a womanizer, a crude hockey boy with no heart.
It was easy to ignore him, to turn him down.
But now? Now I want to kiss him. A lot. And I know how generous his heart is, how hard he’s worked to get away from the life he had as a child.
I see how much he wants to keep Logan and Haley away from that life.
How much guilt he feels about how they have lived so far.
I came here looking to get as far away from hockey as possible.
When I was in Russia, the hockey players always cat-called and leered at me and Irina.
My sister was always loud about it, giving them the finger, shouting insults at them.
I tried to dress as nondescript as possible.
I’d put in earbuds and listen to music the whole time I was in the arena, just to keep from hearing it.
The boys were vile and rude, and I didn’t want to be around them.
My brother’s behavior was just as bad, and I knew that was the culture.
These were not men for me, and I wanted nothing to do with any of them.
Despite Irina’s feminist outlook, she tolerated these men.
Wanted them. And hated them equally. For me, I was sick of the boys and their words and the culture on and off the ice.
I needed to see that there were men out there who believed being a gentleman wasn’t a weakness.
Who believed deference to women didn’t make them less of a man.
Who saw that sweet words and kindness showed respect.
That’s all I wanted. And now? Now I’m here, at Tyler’s kitchen table, crushing hard on the biggest hockey boy of them all.
He has a reputation as a manwhore—shameless—something that’s publicly splattered around the Internet.
And while I believe he cares about me in his way, I don’t know if it’s in the way I want or deserve.
I don’t know if it would last, or if he’s just trying to make a conquest of me.
I didn’t want to feel this way, but I do.
I care about him too much and maybe I just need to close the box back up, admit I had a moment of weakness, and go back to being his friend.
And then, more than possibly, watch him kiss and touch other women, knowing that I could have had that if I wanted.
Knowing his body would never be a part of mine.
We finish my statistics and I tell him I should get home. At the door, I give him a brief kiss on the cheek. His eyes search mine and the confession just tumbles out of me. “I don’t know if we should let this go further.”
He swallows. Nods. “Sure. Whatever you want, Smokeshow.”
“It’s just…I care for you very much. More than I planned. I’m in school and you are a professional athlete, but I still want to be your friend. I still will be your friend, for anything you need. But maybe we shouldn’t…” I leave it hanging, a question, an implication.
“I hear you. It’s fine. I meant what I said earlier. You mean the world to me. I’ll take whatever I can get.”
“Thank you, friend,” I whisper.
He lets out a bitter sounding laugh but kisses me on the top of my head before saying goodnight and shutting the door.
It feels like a wall coming down and the hot tears sting my eyes. I want to slap myself. I’m the one who did this, who put up this barrier. Why the hell am I crying?
Pretty sure I know that answer, because Ty had shown me he was a gentleman…albeit a gentleman who kissed like a demon. He’d shown me respect, with sweet words and so much kindness. He’s turned his life around for two small humans who desperately needed love in their lives.
I think I’m falling in love with Tyler Lockhardt.
If I haven’t already.