Page 31 of A Trial of His Affections (Bachelors of Blackstone’s #2)

Chapter Thirty-One

G race sat in her favorite chair in the morning room. It was likely not the place to receive visitors for tea, but it overlooked the garden and had so many windows that sunlight flooded the room. And surely Evie and Ari would not mind.

Lansing entered the room and bowed. “Lady Evangeline and Lady Arabella to see you, Miss.”

Grace smiled, hardly able to contain her excitement at having Evie and Ari over for tea. “Please show them in, Lansing.”

He bowed and turned out of the room.

Grace leaned over and adjusted the teapot, cups, and saucers on the tray. It did not make them more presentable or even more functional. But it gave her something to do with her hands.

“Grace,” Evie said as she entered the room. “We were thrilled to receive your invitation.”

“We’d thought you were only humoring us by accepting our invitations. But when you extended one, it set our minds at ease.” Ari said.

Evie nudged her sister in the ribs and gave her a stern look.

Ari just lifted a shoulder. “What? It is the truth, is it not?”

“You need not put voice to every truth that enters your mind,” Evie chided.

Grace stood up and motioned the girls over. “I’m afraid that I sometimes do not believe that people desire to come to Bloomsbury to see me. Please forgive my rudeness.”

Evie smiled. “There is nothing to forgive.”

Grace motioned them to the chairs across from her. “I hope you do not mind the informality of the morning room, but it is quite my favorite place in the house. It is so cheerful, do you not agree?”

Evie and Ari looked around, their faces showing their approval. “Indeed. Your garden is lovely.”

Grace nodded. “I wish I could take credit for it, but it is none of my doing. It does not keep me from enjoying it, however.”

She poured out the tea and handed a cup and saucer to each girl.

Evie looked at Grace over her cup.

Grace put a hand to her hair. “Is something wrong?”

Evie shook her head. “I just cannot believe how handsome you look with a Titus cut. I’m really rather jealous.”

Ari grinned. “I adore it. If Papa should allow it, I’d go home and cut my hair this very day.”

Grace chuckled. She imagined the shock it would cause was enough of a reason for Ari to want to do it. She turned her gaze to Evie. While Evie was several years Grace’s junior, she was mature for her age and had a level head on her shoulders. Grace often wondered why she had not pursued a friendship with the ladies sooner. Her time would have been better spent with them, even in their younger years, than with the likes of Lady Haversham.

“It’s likely why Miles cannot stop watching you when you are together,” Ari said rather matter-of-factly.

Grace’s face heated. “I do not know what you mean.” She tried to push down the thumping of her heart. It was silly, really. And she’d told herself repeatedly that nothing could come of it. There was no reason to entertain any fantasies of an attachment between them. Still, it pleased her to know he fancied her hair.

“His opinion does not seem to be shared by any of his friends. They’ve all been rather vocal about their disdain for it.” Grace tried not to let the memory dampen her spirits.

“Lord Finsbury does not like it? I cannot believe it.” Ari waved as if that ended the discussion on the subject. “He is quite aware of the current fashions, although not in a silly sort of way.”

Grace frowned. “I have not heard Lord Finsbury’s opinion. I was speaking of Lord Marcrum and his mother. They both had a very strong dislike of it.” She raised her brows. “And Lord Dunsmore and Lord Wetherby did not look on it with approbation, either.”

Evie frowned. “Lord Marcrum?” She glanced at Ari. “Lord Dunsmore? I confess I am not acquainted with all of Miles’ friends, but I’m quite certain those men are not among them. Indeed, Freddie told me at the theater that Miles detests Lord Wetherby.”

Grace paused with her cup halfway to her lips. “You must be mistaken. Perhaps they’d simply had a disagreement, and he was only giving vent to his feelings.”

Evie shook her head slowly. “No, I don’t believe that is it.” She hesitated, as if realizing that this line of conversation might be ill-advised. “But as I said, I’m not acquainted with all of his friends. It might be as you say.”

Grace stared into her cup. “But if they are not his friends, why did he introduce them to me? Why did he pretend they were his friends?” As she thought on it, she did not recall Miles actually ever using the word “friend” when he spoke of the gentlemen.

The revelation shed more light on why he’d been trying to force the accidents to happen to the gentlemen. She’d wondered why he would want to make his friends appear in a bad light. She’d also wondered more than once how he could be friends with those sorts of gentlemen. Miles was far too kind to associate with men like Lord Wetherby and Lord Dunsmore.

“But it makes no sense.” She wondered aloud. “If Lord Marcrum, Lord Dunsmore, and Lord Wetherby are not his friends, why did he introduce me to them?” She asked again.

“Who was introduced to you?” Philip asked as he and Miles stood in the doorway.

The smile fell from Miles’ lips, and his face blanched. He did not wait for her to answer the question. “I can explain,” he said.

Grace looked up at him. “They weren’t your friends?” It felt as if all the air had been pushed forcefully from her lungs.

“Who is she speaking of?” Philip turned to Miles but stayed focused on Grace.

His head shook slowly. “They are not my friends.”

Her throat tightened, but she pushed the words out. “Why are they not your friends, Miles?” She believed she knew the answer before he opened his mouth, but she wanted to hear him say the words.

“Are they not respectable, Yardley?” Philip’s voice rose in pitch.

“In the eyes of society, they are perfectly respectable,” he hedged.

Philip looked at Grace. “There, you, see?”

Grace continued to watch Miles. “But…” She trailed off. He had not answered her question.

Miles closed his eyes, and pain etched his features. “But respectable does not make them the good sort of men. They’re sharp-tongued and often downright mean-spirited—as though kindness never once crossed their minds.”

“I don’t understand,” Philip said, looking between Grace and Miles.

“I do.” Grace said quietly. But her voice rose in volume and pitch. “He purposely set out to make my Season a failure.”

“No. That’s not why I did it.” Miles jerked his head up.

She let out a humorless laugh. “I had never thought you the vindictive kind, Miles. But I suppose you thought yourself justified after I declined your offer. And perhaps it was your right.” Grace shook her head. “I beg your pardon, Evie and Ari, but I must excuse myself.” She hurried from the room but not before she heard Miles call her name.

However, she didn’t turn back. She couldn’t. Everything she thought she knew seemed to be turned upside down, and she had no idea which direction she was supposed to go.

* * *

“We should adjourn to my study.” Philip looked more disagreeable than Miles had ever seen him—which felt deserved.

He simply nodded and followed Philip up the stairs to his office. Once he shut the door, they settled into their chairs, and Philip cleared his throat. “I’m going to give you a chance to explain yourself. I’ve known you long enough to know you’re not the sort of man Grace just described you to be.”

Miles grimaced. He didn’t use to be that sort, but he could not defend himself against the charges Grace had leveled at him. He sucked in breath and rubbed his hands up and down his thighs. The only thing he could refute was her reasoning for why he’d done it. He was a barrister. Should he not know where to start his defense?

“Perhaps I should start with some questions,” Philip said, his elbows on his desk and his fingers intertwined. “Did you offer for Grace?”

“Yes,” Miles nodded. “It was a year ago last October. I’m surprised you were not told of it.”

“As am I,” Philip twitched his mouth to the side. Miles was uncertain if it was in his favor or not that Philip did not know. “And she rejected you?”

“It was kindly done.” Miles nodded again. It seemed the only movement he was capable of. He could not cleanse his mind of the look of complete hurt and pain on Grace’s face when she’d learned the truth.

And in all honesty, he did not know if he was worthy of having such an image cleansed. He deserved to feel the weight of what he’d done.

It seemed Lord Blackstone’s advice had not all been that of an addle-minded man.

Philip whistled low. “I wish I had known of the situation sooner.” He tapped his index fingers together. “Did Grace speak the truth? Did you do it out of some sort of revenge or vengeance?”

Miles shook his head fiercely. Finally, he had a chance to defend himself. “No. There is no truth in that, although I do not fault her for believing it.”

Philip leaned forward. “Then why did you do it?”

Miles rubbed at the space between his eyes. He was so tired. The guilt he’d been carrying for so long seemed to press down on him, making him wish he could curl up in a ball and sleep. “There is really no logic to it.”

“Knowing you as I do, I find that difficult to believe. You rarely do anything without thinking it through.” Philip lifted a brow.

Miles opened his eyes, his jaw working. “Perhaps that was the old Miles. But I’ve thought little through since I arrived in London. Indeed, I can hardly believe I’ve presented coherently before the bar.”

“Why don’t you start at the beginning?” Philip said quietly. He really was far more patient than he ought to be, considering what Miles had done to Grace.

Oh, Grace. He let out a sigh. Why did he have to love her? Especially when she did not love him back. What sort of man refused to accept his due and carry on?

“When Grace—,” he glanced up at Philip. “I suppose it should be Miss Jenkins again.” That notion settled like cold porridge in his stomach. “Anyhow, when your sister declined my offer, I thought it best to remove myself from the county. I could not imagine seeing her every day, knowing she did not want me.”

“Then you proposed out of love?” Philip seemed both confused and understanding, although how that could be, Miles had no idea.

“I did. In her defense, my proposal was—” He furrowed his brow. How did one describe his proposal? In looking back on it, it was hardly surprising she had declined him. “Not of the romantic nature. I presented the advantages as I perceived them, rather like a cause before the bar. I believe I told her I loved her, though truth be told, I barely remember what I said. She was not wrong to reject my offer.”

“You are defending her quite kindly,” Philip’s voice dropped.

Miles held up his hand. “Please, do not compliment me. I deserve nothing less than to be tossed from your home.”

A hint of a smile tugged at Philip’s lips. “Why do you not let me decide who I toss from my home?”

Miles shrugged. If that was his wish, but Miles could not help but question Philip’s judgement.

“How did she reject your offer? Unless you cannot remember that either.”

Miles snorted. “It’s seared into my brain.” He pulled out a crumpled paper from his pocket and tossed it on the desktop. He’d carried it with him since she’d sent it to him. It was all he had of her, and even a rejection was better than nothing. Gads, he was a milksop. “But I’ll let you read it for yourself.”

“She declined your offer by letter?” Philip opened the worn paper. “Bad form, Grace,” he muttered as he scanned the contents. He released a heavy sigh. “This letter bears Miss Martindale’s tone in every line.”

Miles shook his head. “How can I object to her turning me down if she does not love me?”

“And you suppose she was expecting a love match with her viscount or baron?” He tsked. “I can see why you fled to Berkshire.”

Miles slouched down. “I thought to exorcise her from my heart.”

“Did it work?” Philip looked at him with barely masked glee.

“Not in the least. I believe it only made me long for her more.” Miles sounded like a lovesick schoolboy. But what did he care? His whole life had been laid bare before him.

“You should have come to me first. I could have told you it would not work.” Philip smiled.

“Oh?” Miles sat up straighter. While it did nothing to remove the pain of his predicament, he did not mind the diversion.

“If you’ll remember, my Elle declined my offer and threw me over for a duke.” Philip could be glib about it now, but Miles could see the hurt in his eyes when he spoke of it. “I tried to push her from my mind, but the more I tried, the more she consumed me.”

Miles pushed out his lips. It was the first time he had spoken to someone who understood. A small bit of weight lifted from his shoulders. Not so much as to make him his full height, but it renewed some hope. Hope that he could come out on the other side of this. And if the fates were kind, he’d be a better man for it.

“Please continue,” Philip smiled at him.

But Philip had not finished his story. Nor did it look as if he planned to.

With a sigh, Miles recited his feelings at seeing Grace at Christmastide. “When you asked me to help her secure invitations—” he let out a sigh.

“I put you in an awkward situation.” Philip ran a hand down his face. “Lud, Miles. I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

Miles held up his hand. “I do not blame you.” He gave a wry smile. “I blame Freddie. For the better part of it, at least. The plan was his.”

Philip leaned back in his seat and folded his arms across his chest. “And what was the plan?”

Miles pulled at his earlobe and then looked at his hands. “The plan was to introduce Grace to men of title who were respectable, but not gentlemen, if you understand my meaning.”

Philip nodded but said nothing. Which was for the best. Miles didn’t think he wished to know Philip’s opinion of the plan.

“I hoped Grace would see that a title didn’t mean they would make good husbands. I hoped she would come to see me in a new, perhaps better, light. She would see that while I did not have a title, I could support her and, most importantly, love her.” He sighed. “That I’d cherish her.” His voice cracked. Lud, he was on the verge of tears. Freddie would never cease his teasing if he ever found out. “But that is not how it played out.”

“No, it did not.” Philip’s voice was low and resigned.

Miles kneaded his brow. “She abhors me, and I can’t blame her. I rather hate myself, too.” He looked up and held Philip’s gaze. “Believe me, I did not intend to hurt Grace. Of that I give you my word. But intentions are not actions. And my actions were not those of an honorable man. It’s a regret I will have to live with for the rest of my life.”

Philip sighed. “I will speak to Grace.”

Miles shook his head. “No, she deserves someone better.”

“I think you take too much upon yourself,” Philip looked on him with pity.

Miles released a rueful chuckle. “It’s ironic, you know.” He frowned. “In looking back, I can see I did not really love Grace when I asked for her hand. How could I? I did not know her. But now? After spending time with her the last few months?” He shook his head. “I did not know what true misery was. But I believe I shall become intimately acquainted with it now.”