Page 35 of A Touch of Murder (Touched #1)

He pushed his worries aside. He'd probably never have children anyway.

He was overthinking things. Best to get home and go to bed and let his mind rest. As he got in his car and pulled out onto the road, he thought more about Adam.

He wanted to drop by and let him know they'd identified the second killer.

He wouldn't. It was late and he was probably driving Adam nuts with as often as he dropped by.

It had been a long time since anyone piqued his interest the way Adam had.

He just needed to slow down. He had no idea if Adam was interested or even willing to try to date someone.

He had to remember that it wasn't just about Adam invading his privacy when touching, but also the fact that Adam would have to face the bombardment of Barret's memories also.

Was it fair to make Adam see everything?

To use the energy it would take from him each time they touched?

Hell, how many candy bars would Adam have to eat to deal with seeing Barret's past?

Probably a dozen or more. Was he being unfair to Adam by touching him gently every time he said goodbye?

He was still pondering everything as he headed inside his house and made his way to the kitchen.

As he made himself a ham sandwich, he wondered what feast Adam had made tonight.

Was he eating leftover chili or had he made something with the chicken he'd mentioned?

He pulled out a beer and took his food to the living room.

He turned on the TV as he set his plate on the coffee table.

He uncapped the beer and down a few gulps before his phone dinged, alerting him to a text message.

Adam: When did you do the polar bear challenge ?

Barret almost choked as he bit back a laugh. Was that the vision Adam had gotten when he'd touched him? It had to be, because he hadn't mentioned it to him. Perhaps Becky had told him about it?

Instead of texting back, he hit the button to call. He hated text conversations. In his way of thinking, texts were meant for one comment communications, not conversations.

"Hello?" Adam answered.

"I do the polar bear plunge every year. Most of us in the police department do. Why? You want to join me next winter?" Barret asked.

"Hell no. I'm not that crazy. I'll come cheer you on. Even hold a warm robe for you and hand you a cup of hot chocolate after, but there is no way I'm jumping into that water when it's freezing."

Barret laughed. "It's for charity."

"I'll donate cash without freezing my balls off," Adam informed him.

"My balls recover. It just takes a little time. I admit the first time I did it was a shock, but now that I know what I'm getting into it's not so bad." Barret leaned back on the couch. "Was that what you saw when I touched you?"

"Yeah, but it was so quick I barely got to enjoy seeing you do it. I will be there next winter to watch you turn yourself into a popsicle."

"I'll hold you to that." Barret took another drink of beer. "What'd you have for dinner tonight?"

"Chicken and pasta. Was really good. You should have stopped by."

"I thought about it, but it was late. Got some good news to share though."

"You've caught the killers?" Adam asked.

"Not that good, but we have identified the second suspect and linked the two of them together. Looks like they were cellmates for a while in county lockup, then served several years together at the Arizona state prison." Barret sighed. "We know who we're looking for, just not where to find them."

"One step at a time," Adam told him. "You'll find them. I'm looking forward to the day you can let the Wilsons know Trina's killers have been arrested."

"I'm dreading that day. No matter how good the news is, I still feel like I failed them. As a police officer, I should have kept their daughter safe before she was killed."

"You had no way of knowing she was in danger, or you would have.

You're a great cop, Barret, but you are only one man.

You can't be everywhere at once. The world has bad things happen.

It's just the way it is. You're cleaning up the mess after and taking the criminals off the street so they don't hurt anyone else. "

"I guess so. Sometimes it doesn't feel like enough," Barret admitted. "So, change of topic before I get too stuck in my own failings. Was that vision of me jumping into freezing water from the first time I touched you or the second?"

"It was the second time. The first I got some odd vision of you dressed in camo. It was so quick that I couldn't figure out what you were doing or where you were."

"Hmm, camo. That could have been a number of things. I used to go hunting when I was younger, but I've also worn camo when doing some training when I was in Seattle. Couldn't be too recent. I don't think I own anything camo anymore."

"You looked younger. Had a bit of a beard. Not thick, but more than a few days' growth."

"Ah, probably in my mid-twenties. Had a boyfriend tell me I looked good that way. When we broke up, I shaved. Didn't ever feel the facial hair was really my thing."

"I thought you looked good, but I think you look good now, so it's probably not a facial hair thing."

Barret laughed. "Good to know." He took a deep breath. "So, you're not mad that I touched you like that?"

"Mad? No. I'm just not sure what you mean by doing it," Adam admitted.

"I'm trying to show you that you can have a normal life like everyone else.

Not everyone is afraid to let you see who they are.

Maybe you can hold hands with someone. Maybe you can date.

I know I didn't start off as your biggest fan, but you've proven your ability to me.

I believe in what you do. I'm not scared of it or of you seeing who I really am.

All of it, the good, the bad, and even the ugly, you can see it all.

My worry is that it will be too overwhelming for you to see it all.

If I hold your hand as we sit on the couch, would the visions swarm you and make being with me a distraction instead of an enjoyable evening?

" Barret sighed. "I'm getting ahead of myself.

I guess what I should ask first is, would you even be interested in going out with me if touching me wasn't an issue? "

There was a long moment of silence, then a deep inhalation of breath from Adam.

"I'm attracted to you and, yes, I'd like to see where it might go.

I just don't want to invade your privacy.

If we touch, you'll have no secrets from me.

I could see everything, or I might just see pieces of your life, but those pieces might be stuff you wouldn't want to share. "

"I've thought about that. There isn't anything I'd be ashamed to let you see.

Embarrassed maybe, but not enough to keep it from you.

Yeah, the idea that you might see me with an ex-boyfriend isn't comfortable, but they're my ex for a reason.

It's the past. Nothing that is current. I can't change the past and hopefully you won't hold seeing that kind of stuff against me if it happened.

" Barret had not expected to have this conversation so soon, but now that all this was out in the open, he was looking forward to where they might go from here.

"I've never done this before. I mean, I have for short periods, but the other guys weren't aware of it.

You know, the hookups at clubs back in Denver and stuff.

It's hard to have the visions flow and still concentrate on other things, but God, Barret, are you sure you want to do this?

" Adam sounded so hesitant, yet there was something else in his voice.

Maybe a yearning for something he'd always desired yet was never able to have.

"I wouldn't have started this with you if I wasn't sure. But I'll understand if it's too much for you. It's got to be overwhelming. I don't want you to be exhausted and need ten candy bars because you and I do things. I don't know how much you can handle, how you can control it?"

"I don't either. I'm not sure I can," Adam admitted.

"You told me once that the more you touch something, it eventually runs out of visions to show you. You mentioned your sheets, pillow, stuff like that."

"Yeah, but those items don't have thirty years of memory like you do.

They aren't creating new memories every day.

Each day you're at work there would be more for me to see.

It would be never-ending. That said, I'm not saying no.

I like you, Barret, and I'd love to see more of you.

To date even. We'd just have to take things slow.

I don't know how I'll respond to things.

I know after hooking up at the clubs, I'm tired.

Not just from the sex, but the visions. I mean, I'm not thinking we'll jump right to sex, I'm just saying that, yes, it does draw energy from me to touch someone for a while.

A lot would depend on what I see, too. You know that violent visions are harder on me than simple ones.

God, I don't know how to explain this." Adam blew out a long breath. "Can we take it slow?"

"Very. You let me know when it's too much.

When I should give you space. Maybe together we can find a way to make this work.

" Barret's heart was racing at the idea that they were actually agreeing to see what could happen between them.

"Start with holding hands maybe? Or if that's too much for now, I keep doing what I have been. "

"We can try holding hands. Just don't get offended if it's too much, or if I see things…"

"I don't care what you see. I'm more worried about how this affects you. If you see things you want to ask me about, don't hesitate. I'm an open book. Seriously, I've thought about my whole life, and there is nothing I feel I need to hide."

"Okay then, we'll see how it goes. Just be sure. I can't stress enough that you'll have no secrets left if we try this." Adam still sounded hesitant.

Barret wanted this too badly to change his mind. "Isn't that a plus as far as relationships go? Open and honest, right?"

"Right." Adam laughed. "Okay, we'll discuss it more when we see each other. We're still on for Becky's birthday, right?"

"I'm looking forward to it more than ever," Barret told him.

"Good. Then you go get some rest and we'll talk later." There was a slight pause. "And, Barret?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"We'll make it work. Night, Adam."

"Night." Adam ended the call.

Barret stared at his half-eaten sandwich and smiled. Life was getting interesting. Now if he just had this case closed so he'd have time to see exactly where things with Adam might go.