Page 86 of A Token of Blood and Betrayal

His mouth tightened into a small, humorless smile.“That’s what we all say when we’re changed.We underestimate what we’re capable of when we don’t have a choice.”

You’d think I wouldn’t have the ability to feel anything more than my butchered arm, exhausted body, and infinite fear, yet guilt managed to make room for itself.It stabbed between my ribs like I’d just stabbed Blake in his back.I’d rejected him so often.Rejected his decisions, his instincts, his willingness to do Lehr’s bidding.And I’d just judged him for choosing to live as something that was out of his control.

The wordsI’m sorrywere too insignificant for all the hurt I had done since Beltane.

“If…” I swallowed.“If I’m not okay, what will happen?”

Apparently, I still had the capacity to cry.Blake glided his thumb across my cheek, smoothing away a tear.

“If you’re changed, you’ll know it the moment you leave the Null.You won’t have control of your wolf.She will take over.You’ll shift, and you will have the undeniable need to go to the wolf who changed you.I won’t be able to stop you without hurting you, but I’ll follow you.Even when you turn on me, when you try to kill me, Iwillfollow.You’ll lead me to the werewolf, and I will slaughter him and every other being who allowed this to happen.”He put both his hands on my waist, held my gaze.“I will take care of you no matter what.I will help you through this.I’ll help you adjust and thrive, but most of all, I’ll do everything I can to help you stay who you are because you are the most beautiful, unselfish, andgoodperson I’ve ever met.”

I didn’t deserve him or his words.

“Ready?”he asked.

My eyes shut.My panic rose.I was going to be sick.

“Would it be so terrible?”Blake asked softly.

My heart thumped harder.I understood the question he wasn’t asking out loud.Would it be so terrible to be with him?Because if I shifted, if I became a werewolf, the stalemate masquerading as peace between the paranorms would be shattered.No one would ever believe I was a neutral werewolf.Lehr wouldn’t threaten us because I was one of them.I’d be on his side.Blake could be mine.

“Not all of it,” I whispered.

I couldn’t tell if my confession comforted him or if it only made the chance ofusmore bittersweet.

Too soon, he stepped away.Stepped backward.Stepped over the threshold and out of the Null.

I gave in to his gentle tug.Let him guide me.Let myself follow.The early-morning hush embraced me, and I becameaware.

Awareof the void of magic behind me.Awareof The Rain’s walls towering above.Awareof the deadly and dominant man holding my hand, touching my hip.Those two points of contact were everything.His presence enveloped me, weaved through me, kept me afloat.I sensed dawn’s glow kissing the Appalachians’ jagged silhouette and felt the earth beneath me.

My gaze swept to the right, to the wall I’d slammed my car into, then down to the scattered and broken brick.Dewdrops balanced on the blades of grass that weren’t crushed and destroyed.The fresh, wild air tasted of the man holding on to me, and I had just enough strength and willpower to meet his eyes.

Eyes that held gold-edged storms.

Oh God.No.

I wasn’t okay.I was losing control.Collapsing.Imploding.

“Kennedy.”

Blake was far above the ocean’s surface.I was fathoms beneath it, buried by the weight of waves, dark waters, and an inescapable current.

“You have to breathe, baby.”

The whirlpool swept me around and around, battering my already abused and broken body.

“Just one breath.Breathe.”

I’m not okay.I’m not okay.

“You’re okay.”Blake’s arms tightened around me.“Or you will be once you breathe.And after we fix your arm.You should eat and sleep too and… Fine.Fine, maybe you’re not okay, but you’re not a werewolf.”

Blake’s tone, the quick cadence, the way his words tumbled over each other, caught my attention.He was usually cool and controlled, relaxed even while giving off vibes he could kill before your next heartbeat.

I managed to take that breath he wanted, forced myself to focus on his face.His eyes were full gold.That’s how they’d been in the compound, far underground and in the presence of the vampire who’d given me his blood, the same vampire who’d stolen Nora away from the pack.My mental state was affecting him again.He was barely holding it together.

“My wolf needs your heart to stop racing.You have around five seconds before—”