Page 16 of A Smile Full of Lies (Secrets of Stonewood #1)
Chapter
Eleven
ROS
I stared at Knox, unable to think, much less breathe. He was too close and the room was too damn hot all of a sudden.
“This is too much,” I gasped, shaking my head, “I can’t even process this right now.”
I spun around, giving Knox my back as I scrambled for my laptop and phone, both of which he’d plugged in for me at the kitchen table while I was in the shower.
I snatched both chargers out of the wall and clutched my laptop to my chest as I shoved my phone in the pocket of the hoodie I’d stolen from him after my shower.
“Ros, please,” he said, his voice impossibly gentle and coaxing.
“No,” I snapped, “I need to be alone right now. I need to think, and I don’t think straight when I’m this close to you.”
Knox held his hands up, effectively surrendering, and stepped aside, no longer blocking my path to the hall.
The instant he moved, I fled to the guest bedroom and locked the door behind me.
My pulse thundered in my ears, too loud, like it was trying to drown out his voice still echoing in my head.
Carefully, as if it was the most important thing in the world, I plugged the laptop and phone into their chargers, where the power points were on the bedside table.
My palms stung from how tightly I’d clutched the laptop.
The guest room smelled faintly of clean linen and cedar, but it wasn’t comforting.
No, it was alien, a reminder I was living under Knox’s roof because I couldn’t hold my own goddamn shit show of a life together.
“What the fuck was that?”
My voice came out shaky. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to calm my ragged breathing.
Guilt crawled up my spine. I shouldn’t be here.
Not in his house, not stealing his hoodie, not letting him shoulder problems that were mine to fix.
I felt like I’d conned him, like I was taking advantage of his kindness, even though he was the one who’d insisted that I should stay with him.
I needed to talk to someone, to anyone who wasn’t Knox. I flopped down on the guest bed, flipped my laptop open, and without even stopping to consider what I was doing, opened the anonymous confessional forum and DMed StrayDog777.
GraveyardGirl93
OMG. Please tell me you’re online right now. I really need to talk to someone, and you’re the only lifeline I have right now.
His reply came quicker than I expected.
StrayDog777
Hey, I’m here princess. Breathe. What’s going on?
I bit my lip, my fingers already flying across the keys.
GraveyardGirl93
Okay, so… today was literally the worst. For context: I’m financially between a rock and a hard place.
Have been for a while now, honestly. So anyway, my shitty day started with a job interview this afternoon that I thought was going to be my chance to finally turn things around.
But the editor interviewing me? He basically told me I could have the job if I changed my voice, wrote fluff pieces, and gave him a blowjob once in a while.
I left shaking and humiliated, like I wasn’t even a person to that asshole, just a set of holes he could leverage because I’m obviously broke and desperate for work.
StrayDog777
What the fuck? That’s horrible, Graveyard Girl. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
GraveyardGirl93
Just wait. It gets worse. Then I got home, only to find that my power had been shut off. My fridge and freezer were full of ruined food. The freezer was leaking all over the floor. I just stood there staring at it like maybe if I blinked hard enough, it would all turn back on.
StrayDog777
Damn, princess… I don’t know what to say except I wish I could help somehow.
GraveyardGirl93
It still gets worse! That’s when I realized my phone service was cut off, too. No calls. No texts. The SIM card is dead because I couldn’t pay the bill. (My phone only works right now because it’s hooked up to Wi-Fi.)
StrayDog777
If your power got cut off, how are you hooked up to Wi-Fi and able to talk to me right now? Are you on free wifi somewhere? Are you safe? Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?
GraveyardGirl93
I’m safe. My neighbor showed up. He saw everything — saw me standing in the middle of a dark house with no food and no power — and he kind of lost it.
The guy was furious with me for struggling so long and not thinking to ask him for help.
He packed me up, dragged me across the yard to his house, and basically decided for me that I live here now until I get my shit together.
I feel like I’m taking advantage of him somehow.
StrayDog777
Sounds like your neighbor cares about you more than you realize. Yeah, he came in hot, but packing you up and dragging you across the yard? I’m glad he chose to step in like that. I probably would have done the same thing if I was in his shoes.
GraveyardGirl93
But he was SO MAD at me for not telling him I was in over my head.
StrayDog777
I don’t think he was mad AT YOU. I think he was mad at the situation you were in. He refused to watch you crash and burn. You’re not taking advantage of him, I promise. He chose to take care of you.
GraveyardGirl93
I didn’t ask him to do that. I wouldn’t have. But he wouldn’t take no for an answer. And now I feel like I’m a burden, even though he’s the one forcing all this. I don’t know what to do.
I expected immediate typing bubbles, but they didn’t come. For a second I thought maybe I’d scared him off with the whole messy rant, but then the typing bubbles finally came, and his reply lit up the screen.
StrayDog777
That’s… a hell of a day, sweetheart. No wonder you feel like you’re spiraling. But listen: it doesn’t sound like you forced any of this. It sounds like your neighbor saw what was happening and made a choice to step in and give you a safe place to land.
GraveyardGirl93
But what if he regrets it? What if I really am using him?
StrayDog777
If he thought you were using him, you’d already know. Trust me. Some people just step up when they care. Don’t let guilt convince you otherwise.
The words blurred as my eyes stung. I chewed on my bottom lip.
GraveyardGirl93
I think I’m just… scared to let myself rely on him. And besides that, I don’t think straight when I’m around him.
StrayDog777
What do you mean? Not thinking straight how?
GraveyardGirl93
Ugh, this feels so gross to say out loud, but…
I’ve always been attracted to him, ever since the first time we met.
BUT when we met, I was dating his best friend.
And I feel disgusting even admitting this because I never cheated — not once — but I thought about it.
I didn’t do anything, I swear, but I thought about it more than I should have.
And I’ve hated myself for that ever since.
StrayDog777
And now? Are you still with your neighbor’s best friend?
GraveyardGirl93
No. He dumped me four years ago.
StrayDog777
Four years is a long time to carry guilt for someone else’s feelings, especially someone who broke up with you.
You’ve been punishing yourself longer than you ever needed to.
Besides that, it seems to me like their friendship is no longer a problem if your relationship with the other guy ended years ago.
What’s really holding you back from letting your neighbor in? The guy is obviously interested in you.
GraveyardGirl93
The longer I’m around him, the worse it gets. It’s like my whole body is tuned to him. Half the time I want to fight with him, half the time I want to throw myself at him, and I don’t know which part is stronger anymore. It’s confusing. Overwhelming. Wrong.
StrayDog777
Sounds to me like you’re human, not wrong. Attraction doesn’t make you a monster, and guilt doesn’t erase it either. The fact that you didn’t cross the line when you could’ve says more about you than the thoughts ever will.
GraveyardGirl93
I just don’t know what to do. He’s a nice guy. The serious type, and I don’t do serious anymore since things went bad between me and his friend. I don’t want to string him along or use him in any way.
StrayDog777
Listen, you’ve had a bad day. Don’t try to solve everything tonight. Unwind a little. Doom scroll on your phone and watch something mindless. You need a distraction. Let yourself breathe before you burn out completely.
The tension in my chest eased just a fraction. Maybe he was right. Maybe I just needed to stop spinning myself into a frenzy and give myself a minute to decompress.
I put the laptop to sleep, slid it off my lap, and set it on the other side of the bed, his last message still echoing in my head: doomscroll… you need a distraction.
My gaze lingered on the laptop’s dark screen as I remembered how, a few days ago, he’d mentioned MaskTok when we first started DMing.
I hadn’t thought much about it since then, except for checking out the videos creators had linked to from the anonymous confession forum when I searched about it.
But now… maybe that was exactly what I needed to help me turn my brain off and unwind.
With a sigh, I pushed Knox’s hoodie sleeves up, reached over and picked up my phone, and unlocked it.
The house was cool enough to warrant the hoodie — a steady 68 degrees, same as always — but my skin prickled like I was overheating.
Restless and flushed, I shoved the sleeves higher, then gave up altogether and peeled the hoodie off.
It landed in a soft heap beside me, leaving just the cling of a thin tank and boy short underwear I planned to sleep in against my skin.
I tried to shake off the guilty awareness of whose hoodie I’d been wrapped in, whose guest bed I was sprawled across, and whose scent I’d just pulled off my body.
Focus, Ros. Just doomscroll. Just… distract yourself.
So I thumbed into the search bar, typed MaskTok , planning to let the algorithm drag me under.