Page 15 of A Shop Girl’s Christmas (Pennington’s Department Store #3)
Elizabeth stared at Joseph as he happily cut into fish and potatoes, his shoulders more relaxed than they had been in days. Although it was inevitable she was about to upset his positive mood, she had to say something. He had to know just how angry she’d been that he’d approached Mr Gower, despite her reservations and specifically asking him to wait awhile.
She looked about the busy restaurant, hoping the noise and bustle would be enough to cover her voice should it accidentally rise. Diners surrounded them and all appeared far too interested in their companions to be concerned with her and Joseph. The Pump Room wasn’t really the type of place to tolerate arguing couples, but she hoped that propriety would be to her advantage. She and Joseph would have to retain a modicum of self-control and keep their tempers intact.
She studied him again and her stomach pulled with treacherous desire. The constant fire and passion in their relationship meant that as heated as their quarrels might become, the bedroom reconciliation was equally as fervent.
He looked up and his smile dissolved. ‘Is everything all right, my love?’
She hesitated for a fleeting second before putting down her cutlery and reaching for her wine. ‘No, Joseph, it’s not.’
Concern immediately clouded his gaze. ‘What has happened?’
‘You.’
Two spots of colour leapt into his cheeks and he slowly lowered his knife and fork. ‘Ah, so, we are about to speak of Mr Gower, I presume.’
She took a fortifying sip of wine and lowered her voice. ‘You should not have spoken to him without us further discussing it. It was too soon.’
‘I beg to differ. The man has agreed to look into things, has he not?’
‘So he said, but who knows how Mr Gower felt about being hoodwinked into such a task? Do you not think it possible that, come Monday morning, one of us might not find his resignation on our desk? It was wrong to ask so much of him without either of us really knowing him. We have no idea who he is, or how he might react to what he now knows about Lillian.’
‘And still you don’t understand.’ Anger flashed in his brilliant blue eyes, his mouth a thin line.
‘I do understand.’
‘No, Elizabeth, you don’t. I have to do something. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend? It’s been years, and still a man with my wife’s blood on his hands walks free. Now a second woman has been unlawfully killed. Why on earth should I keep my silence? Mr Gower worked for Scotland Yard. He can help us.’
Frustrated, Elizabeth glanced about them, guilt niggling at her that she’d caused her beloved husband so much upset. ‘I love you, Joseph. So much.’
‘I know.’ He reached across the table and squeezed her fingers, his gaze softening. ‘As I love you, but I can’t let Lillian’s murder stay in the background of our lives any more. I won’t. I want her killer found and brought to justice.’ He shook his head, his eyes unblinking. ‘I have to do this. The time is now. She deserves to rest in peace.’
Tears pricked Elizabeth’s eyes as unwelcome selfishness pressed down on her. ‘And what about us, Joseph? What about our lives? Our future?’
‘What of it?’ He slipped his hand from hers, his jaw hardening. ‘We have years ahead of us. We have plenty of time.’
Pain slashed her heart. ‘How can you say that? You, of all people, know how quickly life can change. How things can be taken from us in a single day.’
His cheeks reddened and he glared for a long moment before slowly closing his eyes. His shoulders slumped. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry.’ He opened his eyes, his gaze sad. ‘I know I’m not the man you married right now, but give me time and he will return. I promise.’
‘Oh, Joseph.’ She forced a smile. ‘I know he will.’
‘Then, please, just show me a little more patience. I can’t go through this search without you beside me, Elizabeth. You’re my heart and my strength. I need you to believe we will bring this nightmare to an end.’
‘I do, Joseph. Really. My hopes are on Mr Gower’s shoulders as much as yours, but we must work together. I can’t stand by and let you run off with any idea that comes into your mind. We are the figureheads of Pennington’s. The people our staff and customers trust to keep the Pennington’s name as revered as it is across the county.’ Her heart beat a little faster as she reached again for her wine. ‘My father is still very much alive, Joseph. He could return from his travelling and pull the rug from beneath our feet without warning. I can’t take my eyes off Pennington’s or our marriage for a moment. I refuse to give him any excuse to take back what he gave us.’
His eyes darkened. ‘He won’t. I will never allow that to happen.’
‘Then we must remain in the here and now as much as we can, while still doing everything to find Lillian’s killer. But, please, can we also make our own plans? Doing so will not mean we are sacrificing anything of the investigation.’
He frowned and reached for his wine. ‘What plans are you referring to?’
She swallowed as the familiar pull low in her abdomen gave another untimely tug. ‘Children, Joseph. I want us to try for a baby.’
His cheeks immediately paled, and Elizabeth held her breath, her heart breaking.
She held his gaze. ‘Do you not want us to have children? To be parents to a little boy or girl?’
He picked up his wine. ‘Of course, I do. In time.’
‘But not now? Then when?’ She curled her fingers around the stem of her wine glass to hide their sudden trembling. ‘You once told me it was my strength and determination that made you fall in love with me. I haven’t changed. I am still the woman you married, and I still want to build a life with you. To love you for the rest of my life.’
He lowered his gaze to his plate before pushing it away. He lifted his eyes to hers. ‘And I want you. We will have children, Elizabeth. There is nothing I want more, but for now I must ask you to wait. Once Lillian’s killer is behind bars, the rest of my life will be yours. I promise. But… this has to be done first.’
A small spark of hope ignited in Elizabeth’s chest and she relaxed her tense shoulders. ‘Then I will wait.’
He looked into her eyes as though seeking evidence she spoke sincerely. Whatever he saw in her gaze must have pleased him for his face broke with a wide smile. ‘It won’t be long, my love. Mr Gower will be the man, the key, we have been waiting for. I am so certain of that. Just a little while longer and our lives together can truly begin.’
She took his hand and held it tightly. ‘I hope so, darling. I really do.’