Page 12

Ever since the night that Colson had been attacked by Desmond, I had become hyper-aware of the missions and tasks he did with members of the Dark Alphas. Every time he left, I worried. At least one of his so-called allies had shown himself to be capable of attacking him. There was no telling when the next strike might occur.

In the last three days alone, Colson had been gone for more than half of the time. Some of the missions took a few hours, but the longer ones lasted over a day.

I was running ragged from lack of sleep, but if he was gone overnight, I couldn’t bring myself to close my eyes. Jenny needed to be protected, and in Colson’s absence, that duty fell entirely on me—just as it had for the last nine years of her life. If anything happened to Colson because of his involvement with the Dark Alphas, Jenny and I were sure to be their next target.

Last night, he had spent the entire night at home. I was grateful for his presence, because it meant I had been able to catch up on some of my missed sleep. He and Jenny had made dinner, after which I had passed out on the living room couch while they watched television. At some point in the night, he must have carried me to bed because I awoke next to Jenny, who was sleeping peacefully beside me.

Reaching over to rest my hand on the top of her head, I was in awe of my little girl’s beauty. After all this time, I thought I would have gotten used to being her mom, but each day, I found myself amazed that I had been blessed with such an angel.

I kissed her cheek lightly, and she rolled over, falling deeper into sleep. With a smile, I got out of bed and quietly grabbed my robe and slippers, donning them as I crept down the hallway to make a pot of coffee.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Colson teased as I came into the kitchen. “You’re up early.”

“I’m not used to having unbroken sleep like that. Thanks for taking me to bed last night. I would have had a hell of a backache if I slept on the couch,” I admitted.

“Why have you been so tired?” he asked.

“Just the usual mom stuff,” I hedged, folding my arms and squeezing them tightly against my chest.

“I told you,” he said, rubbing my arms reassuringly, “you don’t have anything to worry about. I have everything under control.”

I smiled at him tightly, hoping it was enough to show him that I was okay. There was really nothing he could say to make the situation better. If he tried, I was bound to just feel more anxious. The only solutions I could see were either for him to take Jenny and me home, or for him to break his pseudo-alliance. Neither of which seemed to be on the table.

“Did you make any coffee yet?” I asked to change the subject.

He released my arms and made me a cup, passing it across the kitchen island to me. We sipped our coffee in silence as the sun came up, letting its beams of light filter through the windows and slowly bring the house into sharper relief.

“Are you home today?” I asked when I had finished my first cup and poured myself another.

“No, I’m leaving shortly to meet up with the other alphas,” he said. He betrayed no emotion or information with his voice, but his tone was measured. Whatever they were doing today, he didn’t want to talk to me about it.

“When will you be back?”

“Hopefully before nightfall, but it could be later. I was hoping to see Jenny before I left, but make sure she doesn’t wait up for me to get home.”

“She’ll be disappointed not to see you today,” I pointed out. “Are you sure you have to go?”

“I’m sure,” he said shortly.

I held my tongue, biting back the urge to argue with his assertion and remind him that he had promised to think about Jenny’s well-being. Colson was a grown man who could make his own choices. The only thing I could do was be there for our daughter and manage her disappointment.

To his credit, he had been making an effort to be involved with Jenny since her discovery. Every moment he wasn’t busy with pack duties, he was spending time with her. From game nights to movies, cooking to taking walks, Colson had been proactive in coming up with activities they could do together. He had asked about every aspect of her life that he could think of and had even been trying to include me in their bonding moments. Every sign pointed to him wanting to make things right.

Except for the Dark Alphas.

He left without another word, heading for whatever the newest task was, while I cleaned up the kitchen and waited for Jenny to wake up. Although she was disappointed that her father had already left, Jenny cheered up considerably after a day spent doing some of our favorite activities. By nightfall, she seemed relaxed and peaceful as I tucked her into bed.

She had just fallen asleep when I heard the front door shut. I sprang to my feet and rushed out, ready to confront an attacker, but found Colson standing in the room and staring blankly at the wall.

“Hey,” I said quietly, my demeanor changing instantly now that I didn’t have to defend Jenny against an imaginary onslaught of attackers. “You’re back. Did everything go alright?”

“Huh?” Colson asked, his eyebrows pulled down in confusion as he shifted his attention away from the wall and toward me.

“I was just wondering if everything went okay,” I repeated, taking a step toward him. His eyes didn’t look the same as they normally did. Instead of warm chocolate, they appeared darker, almost black, as though all the light had been drained from them. Something had clearly gone wrong, but he didn’t appear to be harmed in any way.

“Went fine,” he said tersely. “I’m heading to bed.”

He shuffled off to his room, looking lost and distracted, and I heard the door close softly behind him. Thinking it best to keep my distance, I locked the door, did a quick sweep of the house, and went to lay down next to Jenny.

I was nearly asleep when a loud shout startled me. It sounded like it had come from Colson’s room, but I didn’t hear anything else to cause alarm.

I waited a minute to see if anything else would happen, and a moment later, another shout echoed throughout the house. I jumped out of bed and checked to make sure that Jenny hadn’t woken up. Seeing that she was still out cold, I made my way out of the room toward the end of the hallway where Colson’s bedroom was.

I crept inside in case an attacker was lying in wait, but all I saw was Colson. He was still in bed, tangled up in his sheets, sweat pouring profusely from his body. His face appeared pained, as if he were struggling with an unseen enemy, and his muscles were clenched.

“Colson,” I whispered, gently rubbing his arm. “Colson, it’s me.”

His eyes snapped open, and he lunged at me, pinning me to the bed beneath his body as he growled harshly. As before, his eyes weren’t the same as usual. They were cold and distant, and I realized that he wasn’t truly seeing me. Whatever he had experienced tonight had affected him, and his nightmare was causing him to confuse the past with his current reality.

My heart raced as I grappled with him, doing my best to keep myself safe while bringing him back to reality.

“You’re safe,” I assured him steadily as I held onto his shoulders. The muscles beneath my fingers were taut. I could practically feel the stress rolling off him. “It’s me. It’s Christa. You’re safe.”

“Chris?” he asked, shaking his head to rid the evil thoughts from his mind.

“Yes, it’s just me,” I repeated. “You’re at home in your bed. You’re safe. Everything’s okay, I’m right here.”

Colson took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes as I reached up and ran my fingers through his dark brown hair. His head fell forward onto my shoulder as his weight pressed down on me. His body seemed to melt into my embrace as I wrapped my arms around him. My assurances seemed meaningless as I saw that, for Colson, everything was not okay. I wished I knew what he had experienced so I could help him, but I didn’t want to pry.

I think you should ask, Cassia said gently. He’s struggling with something, and he needs to know that he doesn’t have to struggle alone.

“Everything is going to be okay,” I corrected quietly, murmuring into his ear. “Maybe it’ll help if you tell me about it.”

“It was bad,” he mumbled.

“The mission tonight?”

I felt him nod, nuzzling against my neck as he did.

“Tell me,” I offered.

Colson sighed again and rolled off me but remained close, propping himself up on one elbow next to me. His fingers trailed over my arm as he avoided my gaze.

“Most missions with the Dark Alphas involve violence,” he warned me. “I’ve gotten used to getting my hands dirty and fighting alongside them to protect the packs and claim territory. But since you arrived, I haven’t. Until tonight.”

“You hurt someone,” I surmised, careful to keep any note of accusation out of my voice.

“No, Chris,” he said, pain evident on his face. “I killed someone. I’m… wracked with guilt. Not just for this death, but for all of them. For every act of violence I’ve ever committed. I fell asleep tonight and was haunted by their faces. What have I become?”

He removed his hand from my arm and covered his face, overcome by the guilt.

“Shh, Col,” I said, prying his hand away so that I could see him. “You can’t go there. You can’t think like that. Everyone has done things they aren’t proud of. At the time, you were doing what you thought was best. Every day, we grow and learn to do better.”

“What do I do now? How do I live with myself?”

“By remembering who you really are, in here.” I took one hand and pressed it against his chest, feeling the steady beating of his heart under my palm.

“I don’t know who I am,” he admitted defeatedly.

“Then I’ll remind you. You’re loyal, protective, and brave. You’re a father and an alpha. You’re strong and handsome. You have a devilish smile when you think you’re getting away with something cheeky,” I joked. “You’re tough, with a surprisingly gentle touch. You’re a friend.”

“It’s not enough,” he said sadly.

“You are enough,” I argued.

I could see that his thoughts were spiraling. I could only think of one way to break through the guilt that was threatening to overtake him. Without another thought, I cupped his face in my hands and planted my lips on his, melding our skin together. For a moment, he seemed shocked, but once the realization of what I was doing struck him, he responded enthusiastically. His soft lips had been drawn tightly together, evidence of his stress and despondency, but as I pressed mine into his I began to feel them loosen. My lips parted and my tongue caressed his lips gently, urging them apart.

The kiss, which had only begun as a means of bringing him out of his mental anguish, suddenly transformed into something else entirely. It had been years since I had felt this pull inside of me—since the first time Colson and I had made love, all those years ago, when life had seemed full of endless possibilities as long as we were together. Years, since I had wanted to give myself fully to a man and allow him to see me for all I was and all I could be.

Desire filled me. Like a summer rainstorm, hot and steady, it washed over me. It was an unstoppable force, and I knew I wouldn’t be satisfied until I had given in completely—until Colson and I fed the hunger that had been growing between us ever since fate had brought us together once more.

“Mm,” he moaned against my lips.

My heart raced as I realized his thoughts had been following my own. His hands reached under the oversized shirt I was wearing as a nightgown and pulled it over my head, discarding it on the bed beside us before grasping my full breasts. In a flurry of fabric, the rest of our clothes came off. I looked at him hungrily as tightness pooled deep in my abdomen. The anticipation of our coupling was all I could think about. I licked my lips and pulled him closer as I laid down on the bed.

“Are you sure?” he asked, panting against my collarbone as he trailed kisses down my neck.

“I’m sure,” I replied confidently.

His tongue traced down my chest and lapped at my nipple, stimulating it into a point as I moaned with pleasure, and his hand reached down to explore my legs and ass. His calloused fingers were delicate against my soft skin, causing goosebumps to erupt as each touch electrified my senses. I took in a shaky breath as I shivered at his touch.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said in a low voice. I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me, or to himself. “Like an angel. How did I get so lucky to find you again?”

“Let’s not worry about that now,” I whispered. “I just want to be in this moment with you right now.”

“I’m not worried about anything,” Colson assured me. “How could I be when I have the most beautiful woman in the world in my bed?”

His fingers slipped inside me, and I threw my head back, allowing him to pleasure me in whatever way he wanted to. He hooked one finger inside of me, putting pressure on the front of my vaginal opening where my pleasure was intensified, as he pulled it in and out. I moaned at the movement and my eyes closed as I focused on the continued tightness in my belly.

“Yes, Col. Don’t stop,” I begged.

He continued the motion, diligently keeping the pace he had struck as my breathing came in short spurts. The warmth that had started in my abdomen began to spread and sweat accumulated on my skin. I could feel that I was close to my climax.

“Do you want me to make you finish?” Colson asked, knowing I was near my peak.

I nodded as I bit my lip, unable to bring myself to speak. His mouth lowered itself to my nipple, joining in the stimulation. My back arched as the pressure was released. With one hand I muffled my exclamation as my body shook with the force of my orgasm.

“You’re so wet, Chris,” he said huskily. “I want you so bad.”

“Take me,” I whispered. I may have finished once already, but that didn’t mean I had any intention of being done.

Colson shifted so that his shaft was lined up with my entrance as he hovered above me and pulled one leg up to rest on his shoulder. His erect cock teased my lips as he kissed the ankle. I sighed in frustration, wishing he would put us both out of our misery and give himself to me.

“Impatient, are we?” he asked, pressing the tip of his penis onto my quivering clit.

“Aren’t you?” I replied breathlessly.

He kissed my ankle once more as his hands caressed my inner thighs. The length of his shaft slid between my lower lips, coating itself in their wetness.

“I’ve waited so long for this,” he said. “I just want to enjoy the moment, like you told me to.”

My fingers trailed down his chest and abs as he looked me in the eyes and entered me.

“Yes,” I moaned, my chest heaving as I breathed heavily.

Colson’s lips met mine as each thrust brought me closer and closer to orgasm. Our breath intermingled in the confined space between our lips, and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, entwining my fingers in his short, dark hair.

His hand hooked below one knee, and he rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him in a fluid motion that left me gasping. For a moment, our gyrations paused as I took in the sudden change of vantage point.

“Too abrupt?” he asked. His hands stilled on my thighs while he made sure his manhandling hadn’t crossed a boundary. I was touched by the thoughtfulness of his question and smiled down at him. The motion had disconnected us, but my core still ached for him to be inside of me.

I shook my head and straightened my back so he could get a better view of my torso. I grabbed one of his hands in my own and dragged it up my stomach, cupping his palm against my breast and giving a tender squeeze. “Just right,” I whispered.

It was his turn to moan as I lifted my pelvis off his waist and reached down to reinsert his cock. A shudder flowed through him as his eyes closed in rapture for a moment before fluttering open again. His pupils dilated as he eyed me hungrily. It was an untamed look, and my assent seemed to have unbridled his desire completely.

Colson’s powerful hands gripped my waist hard, moving my body up and down on top of him in quick pounding motions that caused wave after wave of pleasure to burst through me. I placed one hand on his abdomen to brace myself, feeling his tense muscles beneath my fingers, as I bit down on the other hand to prevent myself from crying aloud.

“Come for me,” he whispered, half begging and half commanding me to release myself to him.

As if on cue, my back arched, and waves of passion flowed through me. He grasped my hips firmly as I rode the wave, and he continued to thrust deep inside me. A moment later, he groaned, spilling himself into me.

I gave a contented sigh of relief at the complete peace and oneness our coupling had brought me. Breathing heavily as if I had just run a marathon, I rolled off of him and laid down in the crook of his arm. Warmth radiated off his skin, enveloping me in his sweet musky scent as our heartrates returned to a normal pace.

“Fuck,” he sighed.

“I think we just did,” I pointed out.

A small laugh burst from our mouths simultaneously, causing us to laugh even harder. There was nothing truly funny about it, but that didn’t stop us from giggling like children. For the first time in a long time, I felt the connection I had been missing for so long.