Page 5

Five

Ava

For the first time in years , I fell asleep feeling safe. I don’t know why I trust Tyler so much, or how I was even able to let him touch me so freely. But being wrapped up in his arms made me believe that nothing could hurt me. Even after what he told me last night, it only made me want to know him better. The sun was coming through the window, casting a shadow on Ty’s sleeping face. His mouth parted slightly, a gentle snore. He seemed so peaceful when he was asleep. Happy, almost. He didn’t have the gloomy cloud that usually hung over his eyes.

I would never have realized he had cancer before. All I knew about him was that he spent most of his time at home after work and had some guys who looked a lot like him swing by on occasion.

“Staring can be considered creepy.” He mumbled in a sexy-as-fuck sleepy voice.

“I wasn’t staring.”

“Don’t lie to me, Precious.”

“Or you’ll punish me?” Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. The thought of him punishing me both scared me and turned me on. Would he be like my father? That it would simply be ‘fun’ for him? One night with Ty, and I lost every sense of self-protection.

“Hey, look at me.” He spoke softly.

Slowly, I stared into his brown eyes. They moved across my face. Almost as if he was looking for any indication that something was wrong. “I shouldn’t have said that.” I mumbled.

“You are allowed to say whatever you want. Punishing you is not something I ever have to do. Nor do we even have to have sex. Being your friend is okay with me.” He reached for my hand, and I allowed him.

“I’m scared of getting hurt again,” I whispered.

“That’s normal. It’s good to tell me these things.”

“Why do you like hurting women?”

“I never inflict pain without pleasure. I wouldn’t actually be hurting you.”

“How?”

“Can we try something?”

I wasn’t sure what to say. Give him consent? Or run the fuck away before he chained me up somewhere and tortured me for his own sick pleasure.

“You’re not tying me up.” I winced, pushing away from him.

“No tying you up.” He repeated back.

“Ever.”

“Understood, but that wasn’t what I wanted to try.” His hands flexed.

“I’m a mess. You should just go home. Find someone else for your kinks.”

“I don’t need to tie you up.” Tyler smiled softly at me.

“You said it yourself. You love bondage.”

“ Sometimes .”

“Doesn’t matter. You’re not using me for your own game of torture.” I moved further away from him.

“Who said anything about torture, Precious?”

“You did!” I exclaimed.

“Do you want to know what I want to do to you?”

“No,” I answered quickly. “Wait, yes. Fuck, I don’t know.”

His eyes never left me as he slowly inched closer to me. He lowered his voice to a hoarse whisper and gently slid a finger down my arm, generating goosebumps. “Every time you say something negative about yourself, I want to spank your ass. I want to grab your hair and force you to look me in the eyes when I tell you that you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I want to finger your pussy so hard while I eat you out, wringing every single orgasm out of your body until you’re so sensitive you can’t stand another. Then I want to shove my cock so deep within you that you forget your name or what happened to you in the first place. I want my markings all over your body. I want my cum on your beautiful stretch marks. I’d like to claim you. I do not want to torture you.”

“But-”

“I’m not done,” he protested. “When your body is sated and relaxed, I’d take a warm washcloth and clean you up. I’ll pull you into my arms and whisper all the amazing things about you. Praise you for how good you were for me, and put you to sleep where you don’t have a nightmare. I’d be here in the morning when you wake up and help you take a shower and relax your sore body. And then I would make breakfast for us. But I never said I wanted to torture you. You hold all of the power.”

“Why me?” Was the only thing I could get out after a confession like that.

“If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been pining for you for years now.”

“But… why?”

“When I was going through my cancer treatments, I had no one other than my brothers. My long-term girlfriend and I broke up. I loved her, I did, but I think I realized that I wasn’t in love with her. Then you moved in. Do you remember that day?”

“Not really,” I admitted. “I was kind of going through the motions.”

“You had your hair in a ponytail. No makeup. Just wearing a shirt with holes in it and leggings. I looked out my window, and for the first time since the doctors informed me that I had cancer, I wanted to live. I came out and offered to help you, but you promised me you were okay. You even lied and said you had a boyfriend. All I could think about was what guy would let you do that work by yourself. Every time I saw you checking the mail or going to work, you always looked over, and some days I’d be out there too. You’d give me that beautiful smile, and on those days, the chemo wasn’t so bad.”

“I hardly gave you the time of day, though.”

“The chemo really fucked me up. I was up a lot at night. That’s when I started to hear your nightmares. I never knew what happened to you, but I did know it had to be bad. Even after the tumor was gone and I was able to sleep again, I stayed awake. I had to make sure you woke up. Yesterday… Fuck, you have never sounded like that before. I couldn’t just do nothing.”

“Thank you.” I choked down a sob.

“I’m going to give you homework.”

“What?”

“When I leave, I want you to research what we were talking about. I’m going to send you a test that will take you through different things. Find where your hard and soft limits are and what you think you would be okay with. Then we can discuss it later. Sound good?”

“Sounds good.” I smiled shyly.

Tyler stood from the bed. His hair was a mess, but he smiled down at me, and for once, everything felt okay. “I have to get ready for work, but think about it all.” He bent over to lightly kiss my cheek. Frozen in place, I just watched him walk away. How the hell did I go from not wanting anyone to touch me to thinking about sex?

Long after Tyler left, I eventually got out of bed and into the shower. Dressing in a pair of jean shorts and a tank top. Walking into the living room with my laptop in hand, I sat down on the couch and opened it. I began with small things, researching what BDSM stood for, before moving on to other forms of doms and subs. By lunchtime, I had learned a lot. After closing my laptop and storing it on the coffee table, I quickly made a sandwich and returned to the couch. That’s when I realized I’d missed a text from Tyler.

Here’s the test. You might learn something about yourself.

Opening the link, I took a deep breath and went into it. Each question was ranked from one to five, five being the most likely. Half the shit I had to Google, but there were a couple that were hard fives. Do you like it when your partner takes control? Yes. Feeling physically overpowered is one of the most liberating sexual feelings? Up until yesterday, I would have said no. But I marked it a five. I don’t like making sexual decisions; I prefer my partner to make them for me. Five. Receiving care and being spoiled are some of the main things I’m looking for in a relationship . Fuck, five.

After finishing the test, I learned that I was a Sub, or at least it seemed like it. The thought of Tyler taking complete control of me caused me to shift in my seat and clench my thighs together. Grabbing my phone, I sent Tyler a text.

Finished the test.

How did it go?

I think I’m a Sub.

Make me a list of hard limits. Things you would never want to be done to you. Also a list of soft limits. Stuff you might consider, but may not be for you.

That seemed easy enough. Gathering a paper and pen, I started writing. Hard limits: No bondage. No outsiders, not for watching or joining. No smacking of the face. No humiliation. No age play. No calling him Daddy.

Soft limits: Might be okay with calling me a slut, whore, etc., etc. Choking. Edging. Public.

Placing the papers down, I opened up our text thread again. Finished .

We’ll discuss it after work. I’ll bring dinner; what do you want?

You don’t have to do that.

Let me take care of you.

Chinese? I answered, knowing I wouldn’t win this battle.

You got it.

Despite wanting to automatically think the worst, I’m trying to let Tyler in. Let someone else take care of me for a change.