Page 5 of A Raven Returns (Raven’s Den #3)

Chapter Five

N ot surprisingly, Warwick was waiting for Ash upon his return. He’d known his manager would appear eventually.

“Ah, my lord, so good to see you! You should have sent word you were coming, so I could have had the house made ready for your arrival.”

The man had been hired by his father, and Ash had hardly met him before he’d left all those years ago. With his greasy hair parted unflatteringly in the center, his thin eyebrows, and too-long mustache that nearly touched his bottom lip, he could never have been anything but a traitorous snake. But Ash tamped down his fury at the man and kept his face neutral.

“It was a spur of the moment decision.”

He turned to Gwen. “Darling, why don’t you go up to your rooms and rest? You must be exhausted after all that shopping. I’ll be up shortly.”

“Yes, my lord.” She played her part to perfection, batting her eyelashes and giggling when he patted her bottom as she walked away. Oh, that bottom of hers. He didn’t have to pretend his attraction as he watched it sway all the way up the stairs.

This was a dangerous game he was playing with her.

Ash looked at Warwick, whose eyes were still focused on the top of the stairs where she’d disappeared. It took all his control not to throttle the man. How dare he look at Gwen that way? Ash cleared his throat and Warwick finally tore his gaze away. The lecher didn’t even have the decency to look guilty.

“Did you come for any specific reason, my lord?” he asked.

Ash gestured toward the stairs with his chin. “Mrs. Lawrence wanted to get away from London. I thought perhaps the scenery here at Woodburn might make her happy.” He flashed a grin the lascivious Mr. Warwick would understand. The knowing gleam in his eyes filled Ash with loathing. He did not like playing nice with this knave.

“Do you have any questions about the estate, my lord? Or perhaps you'd like to see some of the recent improvements?”

“Isn't that what I pay you for? So I don't have to worry about those things?”

“Yes, my lord. Of course.”

“You've been overseeing this estate for a long time, Warwick. I'm sure you have it all in hand.”

Warwick let out a telltale sigh as Ash watched relief wash over him. He wanted to demand an explanation, confront him with his suspicions, but he had to wait. Fogg would return, and hopefully he'd soon have answers. For now, Ash would have to bite his tongue and bide his time.

“Would you like to dine with us, Warwick?”

“I’d be delighted to, my lord.”

“Good. By the time I freshen up a bit, it should be about time. Help yourself to a drink while you wait.”

“Thank you, my lord.”

A short time later, Ash escorted Gwen into the dining room.

“Warwick, allow me to introduce Mrs. Lawrence. Darling, this is Mr. Warwick, my estate manager.”

“A pleasure, Mrs. Lawrence.” The man pressed his lips to Gwen’s knuckles and Ash’s hackles rose when he lingered far too long.

“You must be very good, Mr. Warwick, to manage an estate as impressive as Woodburn Hall.”

The man sputtered a bit, feigning humility. “I do my best for his lordship.” Did he just wink at her? Ash barely contained the growl that tried to tear its way up his throat.

“Surely, you’re just being modest.” Gwen touched the man’s arm playfully.

She was just being friendly. Playing her role, as he’d asked her to do. Ash had to continue to tell himself that over and over throughout the meal. Each time she laughed at something that scoundrel said or complimented him in some way, it burrowed a little further under Ash’s skin. By the time they finished eating, he was digging his fingers into his own leg to stop himself from allowing his anger to show on his face.

Finally, when Ash couldn’t handle any more, he pushed himself to his feet. “I hope you’ll excuse me, Warwick, but I believe I’ll pass on port. Mrs. Lawrence and I will be turning in early tonight.”

“Of course,” he said, throwing back the last of his wine. “I understand the pair of you were caught out in the storm last night. I’m sure you’re eager to sleep in a warm bed tonight.”

Ash didn’t miss the innuendo in the man’s words. “Eager, indeed.”

“I’ll bid you goodnight, then, Mrs. Lawrence. I hope to see you again soon.”

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Warwick.”

The truth was, Gwen had been incredible. She’d put Warwick at ease in a way Ash never would have been able to do on his own. But as he escorted her to her rooms, he couldn’t help but ask himself whether he was being protective of her or possessive. He had no business being possessive, as she wasn’t his to possess. And yet, there was at least a part of him that longed for her to be. That was the part of himself he had to contain at all costs.

Mary was just warming Gwen’s bed when they entered. “My lord.” She curtseyed and waited to see if he wanted her to stay or go.

He ignored her and instead spoke to Gwen. “Sleep well,” he said, squeezing her hand.

“What? No goodnight kiss?” She pouted her lips, putting on a show for the maid. The little minx had trapped him. Laughter danced in her eyes as he struggled. She knew exactly what she was doing. She’d always been a tease, even when she was at Raven House. He couldn’t very well not kiss her or the entire household would hear about it before he even drifted off to sleep.

He tugged her hand, pulling her in against him. “I wouldn’t dream of depriving you of it, my dear.” One didn’t kiss one’s mistress chastely, so he didn’t start slow or gentle. He claimed her mouth roughly, wrapping his hand in a firm grip around her nape. An unexpected explosion of desire rocked him. Parting his lips, he hungrily devoured her mouth. It quickly became apparent that she didn’t have much experience in kissing such as this, but he couldn’t just stop. He had to see it to its end now. Arousal bloomed as he traced her lips with his tongue. She gasped, and he plunged his tongue into her mouth, tasting the wine she’d drunk with dinner. My God, it was like heaven. She whimpered quietly and he slowly pulled himself away. Dazed desire clouded her eyes as she looked up at him, her chest heaving with rapid breaths. Her hands were clamped onto his shoulders and she swallowed.

“Goodnight,” he said, and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. He had to get away from her before he lost all control. He strode through her dressing room and into his own. He closed the door and leaned back against the wooden surface. His cane nearly fell out of his shaking fingers. What was he doing? This wasn’t right. She hadn’t known what she’d signed herself up for, teasing him about a goodnight kiss. And how had she been married for a year and never been kissed properly? Christ. At least she hadn’t been afraid. Her whimper had been one of longing, not alarm. That sweet sound would undoubtedly haunt him for the rest of his days.

Benson entered the dressing room from Ash’s bedroom. A smile lit his face when he saw Ash, and he bowed. “Good evening, my lord.”

It was just the distraction he needed. He slid his mask of calm restraint back into place. “I’m glad you made it, Benson.”

“I’m pleased to be here, my lord. Are you ready to prepare for bed?”

Ash nodded and moved to the center of the room where Benson could help him to undress. He forced his thoughts away from Gwen. Or, at least, he tried to. It seemed to be a losing battle.

When Benson removed his shirt, he sucked in a gasp. Ash turned to see him two steps back, a hand to his chest, mouth agape. He’d grown so used to the scars across his back, he forgot just how disturbing they might be to look at. And of course, most of them weren’t there when Benson had been thrown out all those years ago. When Benson had gone, his father had taken over the beatings himself. He’d had a leather strap he liked to wield, but would often just use whatever was to hand, and had no compunction about scars or long term damage to Ash’s body. Not uncommonly his implement of choice was the cane that Ash still carried to this day. His constant reminder of what he strove not to be.

“My God,” Benson uttered. “I’m so sorry, my dear boy.”

Ash placed a hand on the man’s shoulder. “None of this is your fault, Benson. And as you can see, the wounds have all healed. I’m no longer the frightened boy I was.”

“But if I’d just continued to do as he’d demanded, perhaps I could have spared you some of what must have been unbearable agony.”

Ash shook his head. “At what cost to your soul? Besides, as I said before, there was no stopping him. He was a monster and we all suffered at his hand, including you.”

Benson nodded, but guilt still filled his watery eyes.

“Benson, you did the best you could in a horrific situation, and in case I haven’t been clear enough, I forgive you.”

Benson closed his eyes and stood silently for a long moment before exhaling a long, shaky sigh. “Thank you, my lord. I’m glad you’re here now, a man deserving of this title.”

“Well, I don’t know about that. We both know the title was never meant to be mine, but I’m glad the brute died anyway. It’s just unfortunate I was too much of a coward to help him on his way before he caused so much damage.”

He had tried to stand up to his father one time, when he was just fourteen years old. In his resulting tirade, the man had beaten his mother to death. Ash never again failed to submit to him after that day, even after he was grown and could easily have overpowered him.

Cold seeped through his body as the images of his mother’s battered face flashed through his mind. If only there was a way to erase them for good. Reliving that horrible event would certainly never bring her back. Not that he missed her. He’d hardly ever seen her as a child, but she still deserved so much better than what she’d endured. No one deserved that.

The warmth of Benson’s hand on his bare shoulder brought him out his nightmarish daydream.

“You did the best you could, my boy.” Benson quickly shook his head. “Apologies, my lord. I should not address you so.”

Ash smiled approvingly. “You most certainly should. Just not around any of the other staff. At least, not for now. Hopefully I’ll be able to wrap up this dreadful business quickly so I can put this whole charade to rest.”

* * *

Gwen had tried her best to hide just how affected she’d been by that kiss while Mary was around, but now that the maid was gone and she lay awake in her bed, she pressed her fingertips to her sensitive lips. They were swollen and still tingled from his touch. No one had ever kissed her like that before. She hadn’t even known such a thing was possible. Her nipples grew hard as she remembered the feel of Ash’s tongue plunging into her mouth. Why did her body long for him?

Gwen had always submitted to Greg and allowed him the use of her body. He was her husband, after all. Or, at least, she’d believed him to be. Over time, the act had become less painful, but she’d never felt a desire for it. In recent months, it had only ever followed punishment, so the act itself had begun to feel like a punishment. More often than not, he’d simply pushed himself into her body while she was still bent over his desk and then sent her away as soon as he’d finished. She couldn’t envision Ash ever doing that. For some reason, she even imagined she might enjoy the act with him. She certainly had enjoyed that kiss. He obviously hadn’t been happy about being forced into it, but didn’t seem to dislike the kiss itself. Perhaps she could find another way of convincing him to do it again.

Gwen’s mind continued to relive every second of that kiss, over and over again, refusing to let her sleep. She didn’t mind, but it was making her body feel things she’d never before experienced. Warmth grew in her belly and between her thighs. What did it mean?

A shout tore her from her wanton thoughts. She sat up, staring into the darkness. Another muffled groan sounded through the silence. It had to be Ash. Gwen pushed the blankets aside and climbed out of the bed. She crept through her dressing room to the adjoining door. Sporadic sounds still issued from the other side, so she tapped quietly.

“My lord?” she said, in case there was a servant on the other side of the door, but there was no response.

“No!”

The shout startled her. She opened the door slowly and was met with continued darkness. Carefully, she moved across his dressing room, feeling her way around unfamiliar obstacles. Fortunately, once she reached his bedroom, dying embers in the fireplace and the moonlight that sneaked in around the curtains provided enough light to make out his shape on the bed.

He thrashed, throwing his arm out across the pillow. “No! Please!” His voice was tortured. “Please no! I’m sorry! Please!” The sound of his desperate anguish made her heart pound.

Gwen rushed to the bed and grabbed hold of his hand. “Ash,” she whispered, but he didn’t respond and only fought harder, ripping his hand out of her grasp.

She tried again to grab his hand, but he was flailing violently. Finally, out of desperation, she threw herself on top of him and yelled, “Ash!”

He sat bolt upright, and she flung her arms around him to keep from toppling over backwards. “It’s alright, Ash. It’s just a dream. It was a dream, Ash. I’m here.”

His entire body quaked. “Gwen?”

“Yes, Ash. I’m here. It was only a dream.” She could feel countless ridges beneath her palm as she rubbed the bare skin of his back. She didn’t want to think about what they probably were. The source of the nightmare, no doubt.

He gently pushed her back. “You can’t be here, Gwen.” Sweat glistened on his skin in the dim light.

“Hush, Ash.” She wrapped her arms around him, once more, and planted herself more firmly in his lap.

“You need to go, Gwen. This isn’t?—”

“I said hush.”

He continued to shake, his breathing labored, but he didn’t push her away again. After a time, he slowly wrapped his arms around her and simply held her. His warmth easily permeated the thin cotton of her nightgown, and his spicy scent filled her nostrils. She rubbed a hand over his temple as he settled his head against her shoulder.

Her heart ached. Ash was always so strong, never showing a moment of weakness, always firmly in control of himself and everything around him. These must have been unimaginable horrors to break him, even in his dreams.

They sat unmoving and silent for a very long time. For once, she was providing him strength, support, and comfort. He’d always been the one to save everyone else, and she was so glad that tonight, he was allowing her this.

Slowly, he lifted his head and gazed into her eyes. The shaking had subsided and his breathing had calmed. He looked lost as he stared at her, as if he wasn’t sure how to respond to her kindness. As if it were the first time he’d ever been shown any, but that couldn’t be. He brushed her hair back and tucked it behind her ear before gently holding her neck. He dropped his forehead softly against hers and closed his eyes, allowing himself a deep breath. It caressed her skin as he exhaled. Gwen would happily stay in this moment forever, with this man, and his warmth and his tenderness.

“Gwen.”

“Shhh.” She reached between them and touched a finger against his lips. He was going to tell her to leave again, and she wasn’t about to abandon him.

He pressed a light kiss against the finger and slowly raised his head. “Thank you.” His voice was barely more than a whisper, but she could sense the depth of his gratitude. It came straight from his soul.

You’re welcome didn’t seem to articulate how she felt, so instead, she took his hand in hers and brought it to her lips. She placed a lingering kiss against the back and breathed in, his alluring scent intoxicating. It brought her a sense of security and safety.

“You need to get some sleep, Gwen. I’m sorry I woke you.”

Gwen shook her head. “No.”

One corner of his mouth ticked up. “No?”

“No,” she repeated.

He chuckled then, and it warmed her to see the pain disappearing from his eyes. “No, what?”

“I’m not leaving you tonight, Ash.”

He groaned and dropped his forehead against hers, once more. “You know you can’t stay, Gwen. I’m not even dressed, and this is wholly inappropriate.”

“I don’t care,” she said. “I’m not leaving you alone, Ash.”

“Gwen.” He let out an exasperated sigh. “Are we just going to sit like this all night, then?”

She shrugged. “If that’s what you want. Personally, I’d rather get under the blankets where it’s warm.”

“I don’t have anything on under here!” He sounded appalled and she couldn’t contain her laughter.

She shrugged again. “It’s not as if you haven’t seen me naked.”

“That’s different,” he argued.

“Listen.” She once again placed a finger over his lips, which continued to smile beneath. “I promise to behave myself. I won’t touch anything below your waist, and I’ll try my best to sleep and not bother you.” His eyes grew wider with every word she spoke. “But,” she said more loudly, as he tried to interrupt her. “I will not leave you tonight. Even if that means I have to sit just like this until the sun comes up.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “You may promise those things, but how can you be so sure I will follow suit?”

She cupped his cheek, his stubble grazing against her palm. “Because I know you, Ash. If I say I don’t want anything to happen, nothing will happen. Honestly, I could throw back these blankets right now and beg you to take me, and you still wouldn’t.” He had more self-control than anyone she’d ever met.

After a long moment, he finally nodded. “You are a stubborn little imp.” With a sigh, he lifted the blankets beside him. Triumph flooded through her. Not because she had won, but because he was allowing her behind the armor he always wore. He was allowing himself to be vulnerable, even if just for one night. She scurried to climb under the covers before he changed his mind. As he laid back, she snuggled up against his side and he froze, holding his breath for a moment before he slowly relaxed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He gasped as she pressed her icy toes against his bare leg.

“Christ, woman. How are they so cold?”

Gwen giggled and snuggled more tightly against him. With her arm thrown over his chest and her head cradled against his shoulder, she felt like she was home. She would gladly have lain awake, enjoying their closeness all night long, but in the safety of his embrace and surrounded by his warmth, sleep claimed her in no time at all.