Page 118 of A Million Suns (Across the Universe 2)

The memories of what happened while I was patched are hard to sort out in my mind. It’s the difference between swimming in water and swimming in syrup. But I do know one thing: Doc killed Marae and the others because I’m not as good a leader as Orion would have been.

Amy said Orion had a plan for everything, and I’m starting to think I should have one too. Because I don’t know what I’m going to do now.

“You kept those wires,” she says as I step beside her. “The wires to the Phydus machine. You had them the whole time. You went straight to the machine—”

“Doc had patched me,” I say. “I don’t think I could have helped

but go to the machine. ”

“But you had those wires with you the whole time. ”

I did. “But,” I say, “I think I deserve some credit for never using them, even if I did have them. ”

“Yeah,” Amy says, offering me a hint of a smile. “You do. ”

We stare at Orion’s cryo chamber.

“What do these numbers mean?” Amy asks, pointing to the LCD screen on the front of the box.

I watch the numbers tick down. “It’s a countdown clock. ”

“I was afraid of that. ”

I bend down, examining the electronics. Apparently, Doc already started the regeneration process. Orion should be unfrozen within twenty-three hours and forty-two minutes. I try to stop the clock, but even though I turn the dial, the screen continues to tick away time.

“Just turn it off,” Amy says, bending down to look at the electronics.

“We can’t just unplug it,” I say. I’ve definitely learned my lesson about that one.

“Well, make it stop. ”

“I can’t,” I say, fiddling with the dials some more. I notice the screen and keypad. “Doc’s locked up the system. ”

“Reset it. ”

I hesitate. “That could be dangerous. If regeneration has already started, it could damage his body if we just stop it. ”

“It’s only been going on for twenty minutes,” Amy says. “It can’t do that much harm. ”

But I’m remembering how I froze Orion without preparing his body. He’s already damaged from that. Messing with the cryo tube now might kill him.

“I don’t care if it’s dangerous. He needs to stay frozen. ”

“Amy, it’s not that simple. I can’t. The cryo chamber is only programmed to go one way. ”

“I don’t want him to wake up,” Amy says in a very quiet voice.

I look at Amy and bite my lip. Because I do.

I don’t know if it’s because of our shared DNA or because I understand the choices he’s made. Maybe it’s because of the guns in the armory or the ship records in the bridge. Maybe it’s because I’m starting to think Doc was right, and Orion would be a better leader than me. But Orion doesn’t seem as loons as before.

Amy puts her hand on my elbow, drawing my gaze away from the countdown clock and back to her. “I couldn’t kill him. ”

I stare, unsure of how to respond.

“Doc. He had a gun on me. On you. I didn’t know which of us he’d shoot. ”

I touch the bandage on Amy’s arm—not firmly enough to put any pressure on her wound.