Page 43 of A Midnight Romance

Lux

A fter the funeral, Stevie, my dad, and I went out to dinner, and like a shadow, River mirrored my every move.

As expected, my dad asked many questions about River, his company, and when he could meet him. It was heartwarming.

He took my unwillingness as a hint that he was prying too much, which I let him believe so he’d backed off a bit. I know he’s excited, but I don’t know what River and I look like outside of hunting Andrew and his men.

I’m also conflicted about how I’m supposed to move on with my old life. River and I haven’t expressed love for each other, but I’m certain in my deep feelings for him.

Now, I find myself sitting in the bathtub of my townhouse—which is small compared to the one I’ve become accustomed to at River’s—with a bottle of red wine in my hands.

I came back here after dinner, to the place I once called my home— my sanctuary. I’m not completely sure why I didn’t head back to the manor, but something inside was craving to be in my space again.

Andrew and the other guys are now eliminated, so I’m free to come and go as I wish. Right?

Then why does my own home not feel like home anymore?

Not only returning to my home, but I’m revisiting the life and freedom I once loved.

Many things changed me that Friday night in the cabin—a piece of my soul was stolen, my security and my trust—and I also gained a stalker that night.

A stalker who is a violent serial killer, but also a man of justice and a moral compass which doesn’t always point true north.

While I still don’t completely understand how I’ve changed, whatever’s simmering below the surface leaves me at its mercy once again. It’s become part of who I am and the part which most desires to walk hand in hand at River’s side as he continues to deliver justice on his terms.

I attempt to drink away the short period in my life which rewired the chemistry of my brain. Hitting like terrible whiplash, I search for a way to move forward, but get captured by my benevolence.

If I travel with River into the night, I will never return to my old life again—I will seal my fate, surrendering to him my newly found darkness.

Is that what I want?

Since the moment he entered that basement I felt his energy, and since then I’ve painstakingly tried to push the thoughts of my devotion to him aside, but as I sit here, skin stinging from the hot bathwater, I can’t.

Because assuming I can simply fall back into my old life would be na?ve of me.

Even now, my body aches to be with him, close to him.

I do not wish to discover where he begins and I end, because I can’t fathom any point that could ever exist.

I’m in love with River and I can’t live my life without him.

The realization is thrilling, yet terrifying. Which brings me to…

I need to tell him how I feel.

Rising to stand, I grab my towel from the holder behind the door and wrap it around my wet body. Swiping my phone from the counter by the sink, I bring up my text messages.

Me: Come inside. I know you’re out there.