Page 19 of A Love So Deadly (Kissed by Darkness #1)

Chapter

Sixteen

Lucian

“ N ell? Nell?” I sit by her bed. Her thready pulse is a dagger plunging into me.

For fifty years, we were together, until she said no, until she didn’t want my blood, the elixir to a longer life with me.

Fifty is… Fifty’s a lifetime for humans. But it felt like a blink to me.

But even though our relationship has ended, we’ve spent the last twenty years as friends, all the while refusing to have a drop from me.

I hate to admit it, but she has a special place inside me. Maybe she always will. She has a piece of my soul or heart, call it what the fuck you want, so watching her age and face her mortality has been…hard.

It’s too painful to think about her dying. I…can’t.

“Nell, it’s Lucian. It’s me.” My fingers hover over Nell’s bruised cheek, trying to hold back the anger. Her face is swollen, her lips dry and cracked. I want to rip open a vein and feed her. She’ll heal in moments. It’ll be quick and relieve her of any more pain. But I promised her. I promised…

Not this. I never promised this.

She doesn’t answer. Her eyes are closed, but the small movements of her chest assure me she’s still breathing. Even if the sound of her heart is only a quiet hum.

I clench my fist. Andrew and Vittoria are downstairs. I ignored Vittoria’s raised brow when I came in with Elliot. It spoke volumes, but I wasn’t in the mood to explain anything to her. I’m still not.

I look down at Nell again. She’s so vulnerable. So weak. The years have aged her, she’d say, but even with the gray hair, the wrinkles, and the age-spotted skin, I still think she’s as beautiful as the day we met. But it’s another reminder of the path I’m on with Monty.

She’s human, too. She’ll age. She’ll die…

My chest squeezes.

I’m going to fucking kill Benicio.

He knew Nell was my weakness. I don’t know how he found out, but his threat at the party was clear. I just thought it had been an empty one and my extra protections around her would help.

I was wrong. He had already gotten to her. Beat her up. Battered her until she was close to death. And she is close to death. I can smell it in the air, that little too sweet scent of decay.

She stirs.

“Nell?” I take her hand, and she weakly squeezes.

“Lucian,” she says, turning her gray eyes to me. Her smile is pure, sweet Nell. “You shouldn’t have come.”

She knows exactly why I’m here.

“Let me do this, please,” I say.

She shakes her head, right as the door opens and Elliot appears.

“Your vampire friends make me nerv—” Elliot stops as she takes in Nell. Horror and panic take over her expression. “Oh my God. This woman needs an ambulance, Lucian.”

“I know what she needs, and it’s not an ambulance,” I say and look at Nell again. “Please, Nell. Let me.”

Nell’s arm is broken, and her brain’s starting to swell. The blood’s having a hard time moving around, and she won’t last long. This death she wants will be agony.

“You need me, Nell, and you fucking know it.” My throat tightens, and the words choke out.

“I should go,” Elliot says, backing away. I lift my gaze, and plant it on her making her stop.

“Stay.” Again, my voice sounds too pained to be mine. Nervously, Elliot rubs her arm but nods. “Nell, this is Elliot. She’s… She’s my new assistant. And Elliot, this is Nell, who wants to…” I don’t finish the sentence. The truth hangs in the air, anyway.

“He means that I want to die.” Every word shakes from her lips, and she tries to look at Elliot as best she can through the swelling. “She’s human. Lucian, good for you. Maybe she’ll be braver than me.”

“We just met,” I say. “She’s?—”

“You know you can’t lie to me, Lucian. Please,” Nell whispers. “I’m tired. In my bones, I’m tired… and I’m ready.”

My eyes start to sting. “Nell, please. I can make you better. I can heal you. Please, just let me.”

Nell’s close again and dread grips me. “Nell?—”

“Lucian, it’s okay. Really, it is. My decision hasn’t changed,” she says. “But I need you to promise me one more thing.”

“One more?” I stroke the back of her hand. She feels cold to the touch. “Of course. Anything.”

Her eyes flutter back open and slide to the side to find me. The smile returns. “I want you to end it for me. So it’s quick. On my terms.”

I stare at her in horror. I’m a monster, I know that. But I’m not that kind of monster, not to those I care for. Those I love.

“What does she mean?” Monty asks, glancing around. Then it hits her, and she gasps. “No, she wants you to kill her?”

I answer Nell over Monty. “I don’t want your blood. I want you to live. Forever. I can help. Let me help?—”

“Lucian, please.” Nell’s body trembles. “Do this. For me.”

“No.” I shake my head. “No. No. I refuse.”

I have given her everything she’s ever wanted without question. And I would keep doing so if she let me. But there’s no way I can give her this. Death. Does she even know what she’s asking of me?

Sighing, her entire body sinks into the mattress. “I want to talk to this woman. Elliot.”

I kiss Nell’s forehead, and motion for Elliot to sit at her side.

“Without you here, Lucian,” Nell clarifies. “It’ll only take a moment.”

I don’t want to, but I push to my feet as Elliot walks over to take my place. I go out into the hall of the big sweeping mansion on Tenebris Hill, and Vittoria flashes her angry gaze at me from where she’s been lurking outside the room.

“This is a waste of time.” She pushes off the wall.

I look carefully at her. So cold, beautiful. Right. “Nell?”

“Human. Weak.”

“You were human once,” I remind her.

“I was never weak.”

She’s right, Vittoria was never weak, no matter what. But that’s neither here nor there. This isn’t about her.

“She’s dying,” I say the obvious.

Her eyes snap, and she answers with something just as obvious. “She’s human.”

“I know.”

“You ignore her wants. You’re as selfish as me, Lucian, and don’t think for a moment your softer approach to certain human females wins you any points or makes you better because it doesn’t.”

“You dare lecture me?” Anger rises.

“You and human females.” Disgust flashes in her eyes. “This new one. Her scent is all over you. You fucked her.”

I look her up and down, my control razor thin and rusting. “Do you care?”

“I care,” she says, “if you get sloppy.”

I move so fast, I have her pinned between my body and the balcony’s railing, my hand on her throat. She hisses at me, baring fangs. I show her mine right back.

“I don’t get fucking sloppy,” I growl, but change the subject to what I’m really furious at. “De Santis did this. I want his head on a fucking platter.”

Vittoria’s eyes gleam. I’m aware the earlier conversation isn’t over; it’s just tucked away, but I’m her maker and while she gets certain leeway, there are limits.

I release her, and she shoves me away and crosses the floor again. When I turn to her, she’s looking at me intently. I’ve piqued her interest.

“We’d have to take out his entire operation.” She smirks. “It isn’t going to be easy.”

Blood. Chaos. Power. Pain.

Her perfect storm.

“But doesn’t that make it more fun?” I ask.

“Absolutely.” The smirk turns into a full wolfish grin. “Destroy them all. Devour them and drink them dry. Crack their bones to feast on their marrow. Like the old days.”

“The world is different now,” I warn.

Vittoria’s laughs. “We rule this world.”

“Because I’m careful and have rules. We need to do it right.” I look at her. “’But make it brutal.”

She rolls her eyes. “Fine. But you should know that Vinnie called. He wants to meet. A money-making deal’s come up, and he’s eager to make it up to us.”

I couldn’t care less about Vinnie. Especially right now. But I’ll feel better than his debts are paid and I can kick him out of our lives completely. “When and where?”

“Two days. At the warehouse on the edge of town,” she says.

I head to the bedroom door, right as Elliot comes out. There are fucking tears on her cheeks.

With a breath, I go in. Nell is propped up, her face tight with pain as she carefully moves her head.

“I like her, Lucian,” she whispers. “She might be good for you.”

“I’m done with humans.” I pain in my chest is a real, live thing. “Forever.”

To my surprise she laughs. It must hurt, or maybe she’s not feeling the full brunt of the pain anymore. Maybe there’s that mercy.

“You couldn’t have wasted your heart on someone like me.”

“There’s no one like you, Nell.”

“You like her more than you’ll admit. I can see that.” She shifts and groans. “Listen to me… I told her she’s stronger than me. And tough decisions sometimes need to be made.” She pauses. “Do you know what happened to her friend?”

“Fucking Monty…” I shake my head. “Someone probably got too enthusiastic and drank too much. I’m going to look into it. Now, let me help you.”

“You promised.” I’m not sure I can take the betrayal in her eyes.

I swallow hard. “I didn’t.”

“With your eyes. I know you, Lucian. You’re hard as nails except when it comes to your heart. Let her in. Help her. I…I…told her…told you… this…is what I…want. To die…on…my…terms.”

Fuck. She’s having trouble speaking.

“Okay.” I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this, but there’s too much sorrow burrowing into me to deny her this one request. As much as I don’t want to. She wasn’t able to live a normal life because of me. Because of my selfishness. Vittoria’s right.

I…I need to let her go.

So, I kiss her cheek. “Goodbye, Nell.”

“Thank you…Lucian.” Her eyes close for the final time.

With a bloody tear cascading down my cheek, I drop my fangs and lean in.

I’m in the street in front of the VMR building, standing in the light of the glowing company sign with the light rain sprinkling over my face.

Elliot’s beside me, silent. She hasn’t said a word to me since her moment with Nell.

Not even during the drive back, and I’m actually kind of relieved.

I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone right now.

A few more tense moments go by. My clothes are starting to cling and soak down to the skin. Elliot has to be cold and wet. Those kinds of details don’t bother me as much as it does humans, so I’m about to tell her to go home when she says, “You look good.”

It confuses me so much, I just turn to her.

“Human,” she clarifies, gazing drifting back to the VMR building again. “Not so…pale.”

“Nell’s dead.” The words stab at me when I say them out loud.

Another beat of uneasy stillness.

“She…she said some things to me,” she says.

I growl. I know my annoyance, my anger is misplaced, but I can’t help it. “What do you want me to say?”

She flinches. “Did you…?”

How human… To fucking search for assurance for something she already knows.

I tilt my head up to the cloudy skies. “I drained her lifeblood from her, yes.”

“You killed her.”

“Yes. She asked me?—”

Elliot steps back, shaking her head. “I quit.”

My gaze snaps down to her. “What?”

“I quit.” Then she takes off down the sidewalk, her blonde curls bouncing like some fucking fairy tale princess running off into the rainy night.