Page 22

YURI

I can’t stop looking at her. She’s trying to be brave and take in every minute detail I give her, but I can tell she is getting overwhelmed. I bring over a mug of Earl Grey with lemon and honey just how she used to drink it and hold it in front of her.

“I wasn't sure if you drank it the same or not. Lemon and honey, right?”

Her eyes dilate a little in surprise and a soft smile tugs at her lips.

“I’m surprised you remembered that.” she says, accepting the mug and taking slow, tentative sips. She closes her eyes and breathes deep as if the tea alone is releasing all the tension from her body. “It's perfect,” she whispers and glances back at me. “How did you remember how I like my tea?” Her eyes flickering with curiosity.

I don’t know if I should express how I feel. What if she is creeped out? I decide it’s better not to hold anything back because I know this is something she needs from me, even if it makes me uncomfortable.

“It’s hard to forget anything about you.” I say trying not to sound like a pansy while also withholding some of the intensity from my tone. I haven’t been this vulnerable with anyone in a long time, not even my family. Even if she rejects everything about me and my life, she needs to know what she truly means to me.

“I remember everything you like. Your favorite candy is Almond Joys. Your favorite fast food is a tie between Chinese take-out or pizza. You would drink hot coffee over cold, but always prefer hot tea over iced. You would rather sit at home and watch a movie than go out, but would rather eat out than enjoy a home cooked meal. You will only accept hugs from those you trust and hate being touched by anyone else.” I take a deep breath and focus on her eyes.

It’s hard not to keep going. I can list her favorite things for hours, but I see the shock on her face and stop talking, hoping I didn’t just make a total ass out of myself. We are sitting so close, I can feel her breath as it skates across my face. I can see her processing everything and I’m trying my hardest not to pull her closer. She takes a deep breath, blows gently along the top of her mug and takes another tentative sip.

“I never expected this,” she sighs softly, her eyes never leaving mine as if she is afraid I may vanish at any moment. “I am not sure what I expected when I finally found you to be honest, but this, this is not on the list of possibilities that played out in my head.”

She takes another deep breath and silence falls between us for a few heartbeats. It’s not uncomfortable silence. It’s not awkward. She needs this time to think and I’m going to give it to her. She moves her feet out from under her and faces the television, processing.

After a few minutes she turns quickly, facing me once more and spilling a few drops of tea as she says, “You and me. Wh…what are we?” Her eyes start to unfocus, like she’s not looking at anyone or anything. “What is this? You and me? I know I'm not going anywhere. But are you?”

The tremble in her voice breaks me and all I want to do is reassure her that everything will be okay. But I can’t promise that. I take a deep breath and open my mouth to try and explain but quickly close them. I don’t know how to explain all this.

Refocusing her eyes, she looks at me letting out another breath. Then she word vomits every thought spiraling through her brain, “I mean… you say I’m not safe. I need to know why! How else am I supposed to keep an eye out for danger if you don’t tell me. How can I make sure that I’m … that we’re safe? I have so many questions! I want to do this together . Are we going to do that? Plan together ?”

She looks at me nervously but hope fills her beautiful, forest green eyes. I can’t help but touch her face. My hand instinctively goes to her cheek as she relaxes into my hand. It’s such a natural reflex, like the curve of her jaw and slight roundness to her cheeks are made to fit in the palm of my hand. I take her hand in my other one and gently rub tiny circles on her palm with my thumb trying to help her relax.

I know no matter what, I will burn the world to keep her safe. I will do anything to make sure she knows and understands that she will be safe with me. I will protect her. I will do whatever I have in order to make that a reality. For the both of us.

“I am not going anywhere. I will tell you everything… in time. I promise,” I say, still holding her cheek and looking directly into her eyes hoping she sees the honesty in mine.

“When will you tell me?” she questions lightly.

Clearly she wants to know everything right now. I’m afraid if I tell her everything right now it will overwhelm her. I really don’t want to make her panic any more than she already is.

“Are you sure you’re ready for more? I feel like we have unloaded an awful lot for one day.”

She takes another deep breath, removes my hand from her face, places her tea mug on the table next to her, and pins me with her stare, hands in her lap and legs crisscrossed underneath her once more.

“Lay it on me, Yuri. I am not going anywhere.”

Everything about her is so serious; I know there is no coming back from this.