Page 2

Aldo

“Okay, bestie, let’s talk about what happened here.”

Brenda sticks out her bottom lip at me. “It’s not a huge deal.”

I hum, holding up the right side of her hair. “I would say it’s a bit of a big deal. Don’t get me wrong, this is your hair and you’re free to do with it as you wish. I’m just curious what the goal was.”

“I was attempting to give myself a mullet,” she finally confesses with a groan. “I saw a tutorial online and figured it couldn’t be that hard, right? But then I quickly realized it was actually that hard.”

I can’t stop myself from smiling. I love my clients to death, but sometimes they take on more than they can chew when it comes to their hair. Thankfully, Papi Aldo is here to fix them up.

“Are we still feeling good about the mullet idea? Or have you decided on something else you’d rather try instead?”

Brenda bites her bottom lip for a moment, looking at herself in the mirror. Finally, she nods her head. “Yeah. I think I wanna stick to the mullet. How much would you hate me if I went home and box dyed my hair after this?”

I look at her reflection in the mirror, making my right eye twitch. “Oh, that wouldn’t be a big deal at all ,” I say, making sure to play up the dramatics before finally giving up and chuckling. “You know I don’t give a fuck about that. Go crazy! But remember, if you want that stripped, depending on the color, it’s going to be hard as fuck. Box red and box black are hell to get out.”

Brenda hums as I pick up my tools and get to work on her hair. “That’s good to know. I was thinking black, but I don’t want it to be a pain in the ass to maintain.”

“We can always shave your head when you’re tired of it,” I say with a giggle, watching as her eyes widen in horror.

“How dare you! You know I don’t have the head shape for that, Aldo!”

We share a laugh as I go back to cutting her hair. “What do you think about shaving the sides? Or do you wanna keep some length?”

“I think we should shave it. I wanna look as gay as possible.”

“You got it!”

“Speaking of being gay,” she says, wiggling her brows at me. “How’s your love life going?”

I groan as I take out my shears, giving her hair some texture where it needs it. “Listen, usually when a client comes, we talk about them , not the other way around.”

“But you already know all my bullshit. I wanna hear about yours!”

“Fine,” I say with an over dramatic sigh. “I recently went on a date with a man I met on a dating app. Let’s just say, by the time it was over, I removed all of the dating apps off of my phone and not because I thought he was the one.”

“Jesus,” Brenda says with a wince. “It was really that bad?”

“Imagine the worst and then double it,” I say with a pout. I pick up my razor and quickly get to work shaving the sides of Brenda’s head, being extra careful around her ears.

“Okay, I need to know everything.”

“He seemed so sweet and charming while we were texting. I suggested we get dinner. I told him I’d be wearing a blue button up and he said he’d be wearing a black sweater.”

“Right,” Brenda says slowly. “Everything sounds fine so far.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I thought! The pictures he posted online were super cute. He was handsome and had a fabulous smile. You know how weak I am for a nice smile. I got us a table and waited. And waited. And waited. Just when I was ready to leave, he showed up.”

I put the razor back down on my counter and run my fingers through Brenda’s hair, shaking it out so I can see the shape of it.

“What happened? Did he catfish you?”

“Not exactly,” I say with a wince. “It was him. Only the pictures were from about thirty years ago.”

“You’re kidding!”

“Nope. This man was in his sixties. I can handle a sexy silver fox but that was not him. He also wore a black sweater that was covered in cat hair. He smelled so bad. He was missing his two front teeth.” I shake my head, putting my hands on my hips. “All of that I can kinda look past, but oh my god, the way he spoke to me? He talked down to me in a very childish way. He insisted he order my food, but then also demanded I cut up his steak for him, and then said he’d love for me to call him daddy. Like, I’m sorry what ? On a first date? Sir, absolutely not.”

“Oh my god!”

“At the end of dinner, he asked for us to split the bill which, okay fine, one second you wanna be daddy and the next you’re making me pay for my own food. Cool. But then he had the audacity to get upset when I said I would be heading home alone . He really thought he could treat me like that and I would fuck him? These asshole entitled men, I swear to god, Brenda.”

I stop what I’m doing and turn back towards the mirror. I’m so pissed off just thinking about it. I’m done with trying to find love! If love wants a place in my life, it’s going to have to come get me itself because I’m no longer looking!

Sure, having a little physical fun from time to time is something I’ve enjoyed in the past but lately, I can’t stand the men attached to the fun thing I’m playing with. I just can’t seem to find the right man for me. I’m exhausted. Is it really so much to ask for a kind, handsome man who wants to be my partner?

Now it’s too late. I’m fucking done. I’m on a dating vacation or sabbatical or something and I don’t know if I’ll ever give it another try. Bad date after bad date has me completely burned out. I’m so tired of getting my hopes up only to be spectacularly let down once again.

Brenda is staring at me with wide eyes. She finally blinks and nods her head slowly.

“Yeah, alright. You win. That’s fucking atrocious. Can I interest you in a lavender wedding instead?”

That snaps all these emotions inside of me. What’s the use of being so high strung about men when I’ve got so much life to live? Fuck ‘em. Fuck ‘em all! I’m out here living my best life, enjoying being single, and living every day to the fullest.

I can’t help but laugh. “Brenda, I adore the hell out of you, but even you couldn’t talk me into that unless there was some sort of crisis going on.”

Brenda giggles. “If it had to be someone, I would want it to be you,” she says, putting her hands on her chest dramatically.

I quickly finish up Brenda’s haircut. She looks fabulous with a modern mullet and I’m glad I could be the one to give it to her. She pays me before she’s on her way.

Brenda was my last client of the night so I throw on my radio and get to work cleaning my station. After sweeping and mopping the floors, scrubbing out the shampoo bowl, making sure everything is turned off, and wiping down my station and chair, I grab my bag and head out the door. I triple check that I’ve locked the door before getting into my car and making my way to my apartment.

Living in a giant apartment building has its pros and cons. On the one hand, I never have to deal with things like lawn care or maintenance. If something breaks all I have to do is go online, submit a ticket, and within a week the cute maintenance man shows up to fix it. Plus, I never feel truly alone. I can hear people coming and going, I can hear people talking outside, I can hear the cars outside my window. On the other hand, I never truly feel alone which makes jerking off pretty fucking awkward.

Thank god I’ve never had a truly noisy neighbor. For a few months there was a couple who lived down the hallway from me who fought almost every night but they were far enough away that I only heard them if I was standing in my kitchen right next to my fridge. Sure, it was fun to listen to the first few times but after that, it was such a drag.

The two apartments next to mine have gotten new tenants recently but I haven’t been able to meet them yet. I’m always so curious when new people move in. Maybe this weekend I’ll bake some brownies and knock on their doors to welcome them to the building.

It’s not because I’m nosy! No, I’m just trying to be a good neighbor!

If I was really nosy, I would have asked around to the neighbors I already know. None of them have had anything interesting to say lately so it must be just run-of-the-mill average Joe types.

I make my way up the stairs, juggling my keys as I go. At the top of the landing, I turn to the right to face my door, freezing when I hear someone getting ready to leave their apartment in the apartment to my left. That’s one of the new people.

Thinking quick, I drop my keys on the floor and kneel down. I want to get a look and introduce myself but I don’t want them to think I’ve been sitting out here waiting for them like some sort of weirdo.

Doing my best to seem cool, calm, and collected, I take my time ‘finding’ my keys from the floor. The door to the left of mine swings open and nothing could have prepared me for what I’m seeing.

My eyes stare at a pair of purple shins. I look up. Then up. Then up some more. I’m craning my neck all the way back in order to properly gaze upon the face of my new neighbor. He’s fucking huge, and purple, and has a fucking tail .

Oh my god. Somehow, without realizing it, a fucking alien has moved in beside me!

Of course I know aliens are real and I even knew there were some coming to live on Earth, at least for a little while. It’s been plastered all over the news for the last few years. I would have to be completely off the grid to not know that at this point. But I didn’t realize one would be here , in my building, living beside me.

And I certainly wasn’t prepared for him to be so hot .

I quickly pick up my keys and stand up. I still have to crane my neck to look up at him. He’s gotta be at least two feet taller than me and Jesus Christ, even that is insanely hot. I need to get a grip before I sexually harass my new neighbor.

“Hi,” I say with a wide grin, lifting my hand in a little wave.

The purple, handsome alien grins back, flashing me the sight of his fanged teeth. Oh, I am such a sucker for a nice smile and this guy has the prettiest smile. His fangs are somehow sexy and adorable at the same time. He lifts his hand, mirroring my gesture.

“What’s up, buttercup?”

I sputter at the words, unable to keep myself from chuckling. His voice is deep and gravelly, making heat run down my spine.

“Buttercup? I’m not sure we’re at the pet names stage of our relationship quite yet, big guy,” I say, popping my hip out and leaning against the wall. I give him a grin.

His eyes widen. He says something in a language I don’t understand and I tilt my head to the side. “You don’t know much English, do you?”

He shakes his head. He points at something behind his ear and I see some sort of implant. I’m piecing things together, slowly but surely.

“That thing lets you understand what I’m saying?” He nods his head. “But you don’t know enough English to speak back?” He nods again. “Who taught you ‘what’s up, buttercup’?”

He fondly rolls his eyes before walking across the hall and knocking on the door there. We wait a moment before a man opens the door. He looks from the alien, then to me, then back at the alien.

“Yeah? Can I help you?”

The alien says something in his language, points at me, then points at the man in the door with a frown.

“Oh,” the guy says with a grin. Then he looks at me. “Sorry about that. I told Gendry that was how humans greet each other because I thought it was funny.”

Gendry. His name is Gendry. It somehow suits him. I like it.

Looking back at the human, I shrug. “It was kind of adorable. Such a big guy saying something so endearing when first meeting me.”

I watch Gendry’s cheeks turn bright purple and I am fascinated. Would that blush run lower? Could I get his chest to turn that same color? Is he even interested in human men?

Okay, I might be getting ahead of myself here. Time to pull it back down before I do something to make this big, beautiful alien uncomfortable.

Gendry says something before tapping the human and gesturing towards me. The human sighs.

“He says sorry if he’s made you uncomfortable. He’s your new neighbor and he’s delighted to meet you.”

I can’t help but smile, a warmth filling my chest. “The pleasure is all mine,” I say with a wink. So much for pulling myself back. “I’m Aldo.”

“Christian,” the human says, gesturing towards himself and then he points at the alien. “And this is Gendry.”

“I didn’t realize we had new neighbors move in, but I’m so glad I ran into you. Welcome to the building,” I say before chuckling, doing my best to be nonchalant and like I wasn’t just hanging outside my apartment waiting to meet them. “Well, maybe I should say welcome to Earth.”

Gendry smiles at me, showing off the adorable little fangs again. He tucks his long purple hair behind his ear and I have the desire to play with it. I can’t truly be blamed since I am a hairdresser. He would look so cute with shaved sides and a braided top. Or an adorable man bun. Maybe we can work up to me doing his hair.

Gendry looks at Christian then at me. Then he blurts out, “I have to poop,” before running into Christian’s apartment.

Christian looks at me. He blinks a few times before he starts laughing his ass off. I can’t help but laugh as well at how ridiculous all of this is. Not only do I live beside an adorable, giant alien, but he also knows enough English to declare needing to poop.

“Sorry about that,” Christian says, wiping at his eyes. “I told him that meant ‘I need to use the bathroom’. I didn’t think he’d say that in front of cute guys he’s nervous around.”

“You think maybe he thinks I’m cute?” I pretend to tuck some hair behind my ear. “That’s very interesting information, Christian. Thank you.”

Christian bites his bottom lip. “Not a lot of people would call me nice ,” he starts to say, rolling his eyes. “But out of the little bit of kindness I have left in my heart, I think it would probably be nice for me to tell you that Gendry isn’t here to stay. After a year, he’s heading back to his planet.”

“Ah,” I say softly. “An exchange program of sorts.”

“Yeah. Exactly. So if I were you, I wouldn’t get too attached.”

“I would love to attach at the hip, if you know what I mean.”

Christian wrinkles his nose. “I did not need to know that. Eww. Whatever. Have your fun but remember this isn’t like a long term thing. Or do whatever you want, I don’t actually care.” Then he turns around and goes inside his apartment.

As I walk into my own place, I can’t help but ponder what Christian has told me. Sure, Gendry is hot and adorable, but does that mean I actually wanna try starting something up with him. On the other hand, being able to fuck an alien is a once in a lifetime opportunity, even if he’s only here for a year.

I might have sworn off men, but I’m not so sure I was thinking about aliens when I made that decision with myself.