Page 17 of A Lady’s Guide to Murder

CHAPTER 16

A Brewing Storm

Theo faced two cold, hard facts.

Firstly, that he had feelings for Henrietta Percy. He’d had feelings for her for five bloody years. Complicated feelings, but feelings all the same.

And, secondly, that in one thing at least, Perceval Percy had possibly been correct. The Duchess of Severn might be rooting for a mate, trying to get with child. Her offer of sex was at best impersonal lust and at worst a desire to use him for stud.

It would only wound him if he let himself believe otherwise.

These thoughts raced through his mind in a split second, during which time he cupped Henrietta’s round arse and lifted her to his hips, so her cunny pressed against his aching cock when she wrapped her legs around him. He would never sire a child he couldn’t be a father to, so he wouldn’t finish in her, but he wasn’t going to refuse her request, either.

‘In the water or on the ground?’ he asked.

Her body tensed and her blue eyes widened. Perhaps a note of anger had unintentionally seeped into his voice. If so, he was sorry. He might be frustrated with the circumstances of their union, but he needed to release his anger before he joined his body with hers. They were going to fuck, not make love, but hostility had no place in this action, ever.

He kissed her tenderly and she responded by softening into his embrace again, and Theo tempered his emotions. She was a duchess and he was a nobody. It wasn’t her fault she thought nothing of his feelings, it was a result of the society they lived in, the one that had told her from birth that she was somehow better than the common person. In her defence, she was more egalitarian than most of her kind. Theo had recognised that quality as she’d greeted the crowds after her wedding. Her innate kindness had been the very origin of his complicated feelings.

He broke the kiss gently. ‘Let’s make you more comfortable, darling.’ As much as he felt like he could thrust into her now, in the water, and yet manage to bring them both to fulfilment, even more, he wanted to see her in all her glory. If the Duchess of Severn was deigning to fuck him, he wanted her nakedness spread before him like an altar at which he could worship.

She nodded but remained silent. Fear flickered across her face, despite his carefully modulated voice and calm demeanour.

He kissed her cheek. ‘Hold on to my neck, Henrietta. I will swim us to shore.’

She obeyed, still wide-eyed.

As he swam, his mind churned. What had altered her so radically, so suddenly after her proposition? She’d suggested they lie together, but anything more than kisses seemed to terrify her and now she clung to him like a frightened child.

Carrying a person out of the water gracefully was a difficult task and Henrietta didn’t make it easier by helping him in any way. He stumbled up the silty bank with her clinging to his neck. When he attempted to scoop her into his arms to carry her more comfortably, she pressed like a plank against him, as if she were hiding herself.

Perhaps that was her concern. ‘Are you worried others might see us?’ he asked.

Her eyes brightened. ‘Yes, yes,’ she said, very quickly. ‘That’s what I’m concerned about.’

The water lapped around Theo’s knees as he stood, holding Henrietta’s stiff body to his side, searching for a place where they’d be well hidden. ‘There. That copse of beeches is perfect cover. We can lie down behind the overturned tree.’ He jutted his chin towards a sizeable trunk that had long since fallen, and which formed a sort of natural bench along the shore. It looked like it would be a shady and soft area, well sheltered from the road and fields.

Henrietta nodded in agreement. She disengaged from his neck, folded her arms tightly over her breasts and scampered over to the copse. Theo raked his eyes over her backside. Her wet hair had darkened to amber and was plastered to her smooth back, trailing rivulets of water to her waist and over the luscious swell of her arse. The dappled sunlight played on her naked skin, and Theo’s desire, which had ebbed because of her timidity, reached a fevered height again.

He ran his fingers through his own wet hair and then, without another moment’s hesitation, grabbed his coat from the pile of clothes so he could lay her down on something dry, and joined her in the copse.

She was sitting on a stump, well into the shelter of the trees, curling forward over her legs while hugging herself.

Theo laid his coat on the ground and sat next to it. ‘A blanket, of sorts.’ He patted the garment. ‘Come, lie down, darling.’

She nibbled her bottom lip, her gaze darting from Theo to the coat, and a decided flush rose over her neck and cheeks.

She was acting nothing like the experienced seductress Perceval had claimed she was.

‘Are you having second thoughts?’ he asked, very kindly. ‘Please tell me, if so. I won’t hold you to your offer.’

She hesitated, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Then she shook her head back and forth. ‘No.’ She spoke adamantly, but her voice wavered. ‘This is something I must – I mean, something I want to do.’

That was a bitter blow to Theo’s pride. Not only was she most certainly using him for stud, but she didn’t even desire him. Well, Theo had never lain with a reluctant woman and he wasn’t about to start today. When he believed her eager and aroused, that was one thing. But he was not about to fuck someone who was going through the motions.

His cock agreed, albeit more reluctantly, and began its transition into a resigned slump.

‘I see,’ he replied, rather more shortly than he intended. Without looking at her, he gathered his coat and stood. ‘Let’s get back on the road, then.’

He returned to his horse. The sky was darkening, with storm clouds brewing, and he welcomed the cool relief of swelling breezes on his overheated skin. Although he’d done the right thing, it wasn’t easy to walk away from a woman he’d long desired.

He was buttoning his breeches when she next appeared at his side, wearing her chemise and nothing else. Theo averted his eyes so they couldn’t linger on the swell of her breasts under the thin fabric, or the peaks formed by the pert nipples he thought he’d be kissing by now.

‘Forgive me, Theo. I was confused for a moment, so I misspoke. Will you kiss me again?’

‘No, thank you,’ he replied.

‘Why not?’ She spoke quietly. ‘Don’t you want me any more?’

Theo yanked on his stockings. ‘Not like that, no.’

A sharp whimper escaped her lips, but Theo refused to engage. He thrust his feet into his boots.

After a time, she spoke again, her words laced with hurt. ‘I told you it’s not easy for me to find lovers.’

He hitched his braces over his shoulders. ‘Well, if you routinely tell your lovers you must be with them, rather than want to be with them, I hope they all say no.’

She opened her mouth, as if to reply, but closed it quickly.

The sky was now darkening rapidly and Theo examined it with apprehension. ‘A storm is coming,’ he said, picking up his waistcoat.

‘Yes,’ she replied, her voice flat.

And then she walked away.

Her unhappiness tugged at him, but surely her sorrow extended far beyond his rejection. The past weeks had been tumultuous for her. Theo shouldn’t judge her too harshly. He’d been guilty of that mistake before, to his shame. She deserved better.

After he finished dressing, he glanced her way. She sat on the ground in her blue frock, studying her bare legs with a furrowed brow. Gone was the untouchable grand lady; in her place sat a woman, alone and vulnerable, a fugitive travelling with an old enemy, stripped of all familiar comforts. At best, she faced an uncertain future. At worst, the gallows.

And to make matters even more heart-wrenching, vicious red welts scored both of her calves.

The hardness inside Theo dissipated like dandelion seeds in the wind. ‘What happened to your legs?’ he asked in his kindest tone.

‘My boots are too short to protect me from the stirrup leathers.’ She studied her injuries, which were red and inflamed, and raw at the centre. ‘I need to fashion something to protect them, or they will only grow worse.’

‘You need ointment too. We’ll visit an apothecary in Millford, which should be no more than five miles distant. In the meantime …’

He located his clean shirts inside his satchel. Each shirt was a precious commodity, for linen was expensive, but he ripped one of them into wide strips and extended his offering. ‘Here. It’s clean, anyway. And it will provide extra layers over your wounds.’

Her lips turned down at the corners. ‘Thank you.’

‘I’ll bandage one while you do the other.’ As he wrapped the linen gently around her calf, he peeked at her face. No tears fell, but her eyes were red, and she sniffled from time to time. ‘You’ve suffered a great deal lately, Henrietta. It can’t have been easy.’

Her hands stilled over her calf. ‘Yes, well.’ She resumed wrapping the makeshift bandage. ‘I’ll manage.’

‘You needn’t be brave around me,’ he said. ‘I won’t judge you for crying.’

She snorted. ‘So you can write about how the Duchess of Severn lost control?’

‘I would never mock grief.’

‘As if I’d trust you with my feelings now ,’ she said bitterly.

That angered Theo, because she still didn’t understand him. That he strove to do what was fair and decent. ‘You won’t trust me with your emotions, but you were willing to let me have your body?’

Inches from his own, her eyes grew cold. ‘I hate you, Theodore Hawke.’

That was a punch straight to his gut.

Shouldn’t be, but it was.

Theo pretended indifference. ‘Well, that’s nothing new.’

‘It is, in a way.’ She blinked rapidly, her forehead creased, and looked anywhere but at him. ‘Because I hate you again , after starting to like you.’

Her injustice infuriated him. ‘You hate me for acting honourably?’

‘You lied. Lying isn’t honourable.’

‘When did I lie?’

‘When you said any man would want to bed me.’ She tied off her bandage. ‘Yet you don’t want to.’

Theo’s fingers fumbled as he knotted the linen. So his rejection had cut her; her current sorrow had more to do with him than he’d realised. His arms ached to cradle and comfort her, but his feelings ran too deep. One tender embrace and he might surrender more than he was willing to give. And God forbid she cry in his arms – he’d have no defence against that.

Words would have to suffice.

‘I did want to bed you, Henrietta. When I thought you wanted it as well . But then you seemed hesitant and that was reason enough to refrain. In truth, I shouldn’t have agreed in the first place.’

She curled her arms around her legs. Her brow softened as she met his gaze again. ‘But why? I don’t understand.’

‘Because there’s …’ He ran a hand through his hair, twisting his fingers in it before letting go. ‘Well, goddammit, because there’s a significant attraction between us. On my part, it’s been present a long time and it’s bloody intense.’

She tilted her head. ‘Isn’t that good reason to lie together, rather than refrain?’

Theo’s gaze lingered on her gorgeous face. Soft red lips. Petal-pink cheeks. Wide blue eyes on the cusp of tears. For a moment, he allowed himself to imagine she really was the country girl her attire suggested. A fantasy unfolded before him. An honourable courtship in which he’d give her flowers and ribbons, and other pretty gifts, and they’d while away hours enjoying picnics in fields just like this one. In time – or maybe all too quickly – fondness would blossom into love. Then there would be a simple but joyous wedding. Thereafter, he’d work tirelessly to provide her with a home filled with warmth and comfort. Perhaps the laughter of children would follow one day.

Reality crashed back like a cold wave. That was a path he could never travel with the widowed Duchess of Severn. The gulf between them was too vast. There was no future in which they could be together.

He held out his hands, palms up. ‘Remember this morning when I first teased you about that silly punishment? I said we’d both regret it, didn’t I? That’s because, as you know, some complicated feelings always arise once … well, once intimacy develops.’

She blinked. ‘They do?’

‘Of course.’ Her confusion puzzled him. ‘Hasn’t that been your experience as well? I know you loved your husband, but surely you developed sentiments for some of the men you took to bed?’

Tears pooled along her lower lashes. ‘What men do you suppose there were, Theo? You are clever; think this through. After your column was printed, how could I have taken a lover? Everyone was watching me, searching for any hint of an indiscretion, so that I never dared smile at a man, much less flirt. I never went anywhere without my mother or husband. I never allowed a gentleman other than my father or brothers to call if Edmund was not at home. My behaviour had to be perfect. I couldn’t have borne for Edmund to be mocked as a cuckold.’

Theo’s jaw dropped. ‘You mean … no lovers? Never at all ?’

‘Precisely.’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘You stole that sort of companionship from me.’

‘That’s not fair.’

‘I don’t care if it’s fair. Maybe one day, when I’m not hurting so much, I will care. But right now, I can only see every mistake I’ve ever made and everything I have lost. And the horrible, unbearable truth is that it’s all my fault for agreeing to marry a man without disclosing my true feelings for him. And now he’s dead and although I didn’t do the deed, it’s probably because of the fact of me that Perceval did it. Because I was the threat. So, Theo, the least you can do for me now is to let me blame you for never ever once in my life receiving the kind of physical companionship that I assure you I have very much wanted.’

A knot formed in Theo’s throat. ‘Very well, I can absorb that blame. Blame me. Hate me. If it eases your pain, I welcome it.’

She gave a single, ragged sob before collecting herself. ‘I’ve said my bit and it helped, as much as anything could. I won’t blame you any more. You were doing the job you were assigned to do; I was doing the same. It’s merely an unfortunate circumstance that our jobs clashed, nothing more vindictive than that. I won’t mention this again.’

She straightened her back, looking at the sky. Theo’s heart tugged in a manner he didn’t want but was helpless to resist.

He joined her in studying the brewing storm. ‘We cannot reach Kingston before the rain comes. We can shelter in the village of Millford.’ He found the prospect unappealing. He’d passed through the village once before, on an unsuccessful mission to confront a haunting part of his past – an emotional wound he doubted would ever heal into one of the scars he’d spoken of on the Portsmouth Road. ‘There’s a tavern there. I doubt it’ll have much by way of food, but it has a roof.’

‘A roof will be enough,’ she said. ‘Please boost me into my saddle?’

He complied and once she was settled, he laid his hand on her knee. ‘Henrietta, do you still want my help finding the killer, once we are in London? Perhaps you’d rather have someone else’s aid? A friend, perhaps? One of your brothers?’

‘I don’t really have friends any more,’ she replied quietly. ‘And my brothers would advise me to fight this through the courts, which I don’t want, because I will be at every disadvantage.’ She looked down, the steel-grey clouds contrasting with the lovely blonde waves of her hair. ‘I want your help, Theo. We both have much to gain from solving this together. And besides,’ she added, regaining some of the feistiness she typically employed when they sparred, ‘I want you to become a reputable journalist. The sooner The Hawke’s Eye is out of my life, the better.’

Clicking her tongue, she took off across the field and Theo was left pondering her meaning. Did she want The Hawke’s Eye , the column, out of her life? Or its author as well?

Naturally, he knew the answer. She’d made no secret that she hated him. Thing was, whenever Theo encountered adversity, his courage rose. He had no future with her, but, nevertheless, he cared what the Duchess of Severn thought of him. When they parted at the end of this investigation, he wanted them to part as friends.

Which meant he had his work cut out for him.

But he had never been afraid of hard work.