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Jessica

Every day of their trial, I sit in the back room of the courthouse and watch. I am still trying to figure out how I feel about Dinah. I hate her for what she did. That was a hard day, the day they went through her testimony on the night she kidnapped me and put out the poison for Mom.

Mom always took her pills. She approached fighting heart disease like she would a job, and doing a good job at work was like, number one on her list of shit that is important.

She also always fixed coffee before work.

Apparently, when she met Dinah for lunch, she raved about her morning coffee routine, which is how Dinah knew that the vanilla-hazelnut creamer would be used.

Even though I hate Dinah, I also feel sorry for her. Her mom testified on her behalf. Said a lot of really nice things about her. So did her sister, who is apparently married to my dad.

I know. This is like E! True Hollywood Story shit. Netflix literally sent someone to the house and offered me half a million dollars for the film rights to it. They said they had a major A-list actress who had already agreed to play me in it and everything.

I signed their offer. Drove that check right down to the bank and deposited it, and used the money to pay off Mom’s mortgage. Now at least I don’t have to worry about that each month, though I hate sleeping in the house where all this bad stuff happened.

My dad—that sounds So weird to say—showed up at Chunky Mike’s one day and introduced himself.

He seems like an okay guy, even if he did bang two sisters.

He stared at me a lot; maybe he was trying to see himself in me.

He showed me pictures of his daughters, who I guess are my .

.. let’s see, we were trying to figure this out after he left.

They are my half sisters and also my cousins.

Cue the banjo music, right? He seems just as weirded out by it as I am, and when I told him it was okay, that I didn’t need to have a relationship with him, he was super relieved.

Like, offensively so. I mean, he could have at least been like, “Oh, are you sure? I’d love to get to know you,” or something, but nope.

He practically skipped out the door; the only reason he didn’t was because he wanted Magic Shell on his cone, which is like the single biggest pain-in-the-ass order for us to do, by the way.

Zach—he’s my new boyfriend—thinks that the jury is going to deem Dinah and Joe insane and put them in a long-term-care crazy house.

Which is like, so ironic, but also kind of bullshit.

That woman I saw on my way out of the facility, her name is Tricia Higgins, and she said they kept her there for three years and tried to convince her that she was addicted to nicotine and had lost a husband in a drowning accident.

She’s not even married, but she said she believed it, all the way up until they released her and told her it wasn’t true.

Zach is moving in with me next week. He says I need protection, which I agree, and I am beyond excited about having my first real adult relationship.

He’s so much more mature than the other guys I’ve dated, and he’s like, obsessed with me.

And Mom would be thrilled to know that he’s an assistant manager at an extermination company, which isn’t exactly a doctor but it’s a good five steps above every noncommittal loser I’ve dated in the past.

I really do hope Mom would like him. And also that she’d be okay with us moving in together, especially since it’s her house.

I also wonder if she’d be cool if I visited Dinah at some point, once she goes off to prison.

I mean, she had wanted us to have a relationship.

I think that’s why she first told me about her, once she found out she was dying.

Inventing an estranged sister was an odd way to go about it, but maybe she thought that was a baby step to confessing that I am adopted.

I don’t know but it’s weird now, not having a mom.

I didn’t realize how much I depended on her for everything.

And I definitely didn’t give her credit for how smart she was.

Like, looking back, all the advice she ever gave me was right.

Except the whole you should date a doctor thing.

I mean, Dinah did that, and look what happened to her.

Anyway, Mom, if you’re listening, I love you and miss you, and that ficus plant that you always said I was gonna kill—it’s still alive. Just like me. We’re fighters, just like you were. Just like you’ll always be in my mind.

Thank you for adopting me. You were the best thing that ever happened in my life.