Page 24 of A Gentleman’s Offer

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‘Dominic…’ He was gazing at her so very warmly, he was standing so close. They were back under the shelter of a tree again, this one a huge old weeping willow, the branches with their fresh green leaves sweeping close to the ground and offering almost total concealment. They were as alone as they well could be in such a public place. It was extremely tempting to move closer yet, into his embrace, and rest her head on his shoulder for a moment, to gain strength from the sensation of his arms about her, and then, then to raise her head and lose herself in kissing him, and ignore the confusion of feeling that was raging inside her. But he would take that as tacit acceptance, of course he would, and she must not. She must resist, and more than that she must make him understand.

‘Yes, Meg?’ Anticipation and anxiety were warring on his face, along with the ever-present desire that mirrored her own. She knew he wanted her, but she was deeply unsure if that could be enough.

She continued with an effort, ‘I don’t think you can properly have understood me, and indeed I cannot wonder that you have not. It’s not merely – merely! – a matter of you marrying me, me marrying you. Maria’s plan is that I take her place, and she takes mine. Forever, Dominic. She proposes that the wedding continues, just as it was planned, and that I stand beside you in church and lie before everyone and say that I am Maria Margaret as I become your wife.’

He said slowly, ‘I had realised that that was what she meant, but she cannot be serious in suggesting such an outlandish scheme, nor you in contemplating going through with it. I know you are her sister, and would do a great deal to help her, but to ask that of you…’

‘I said as much,’ she told him. ‘I said that it would be living a lie – for the rest of my days! – and asking you to do the same. Deceiving your family and your friends and, if you care for such a thing, lying in church, too.’

‘What did she say?’

‘She said that she had been living a lie for years, and must always do so; that she was, therefore, not asking me to do anything for her sake that she would not have to do herself. That if I would lose my identity forever, she would lose hers too. Dominic, I am in such a sad state of turmoil, I do not know what to think!’

‘Meg, my dear, you realise, of course, setting aside all other considerations for a moment, that if you and I agreed to this plan of hers, we would never be legally married? If anyone should discover the imposture, or if she herself should change her mind and want to be Maria again, even if it were years later…’

‘I cannot think she would ever do so, but it’s quite true, the consequences if we were to be found out would be quite terrible.’

‘For us, and even more so for our children, who could never be legitimate. It is no light matter, to commit oneself to such a dangerous deception, and I still do not understand why she thinks it necessary. Do you?’

‘I’m afraid I do; that is the worst of it. I have had a little time to think of it, where you have not, and I discussed it with her at great length once she had told me all. She needs at least some part of her fortune, to make her plan possible, since Lady Primrose is sadly impoverished. And she is sure that if we told the truth, or some manufactured version of the truth – said perhaps that you and I had met each other and realised that we liked each other better – my father would be so angry at being made a fool of, as he would see it, that he would make sure to deprive her of his mother’s legacy, at the very least, and cause a great scandal besides. I cannot doubt that she is right in believing so. And if he found out about Lady Primrose, about what they are to each other, he could make their lives impossible, even dangerous. He could have her locked away, perhaps, in an asylum, Dominic, if he cared to be so bitter and vengeful. Who could prevent him? I could not, nor could Mama, in sober truth, and I do not think you could either. You would have no standing in the matter. Would we not all be entirely powerless? She is not of age, we are both three long years away from being so, and he is her father, her guardian, and a peer of the realm. He would have the full weight of the law on his side, and public opinion too, I dare say.’

He was frowning now, his face grim. ‘You truly think him capable of such villainy towards his own child?’

‘I do not know him well enough to be sure of it, but Maria does, and she must be the best judge of what he will or will not do. You can see why I am so very uneasy in my mind!’

‘I can. I had not realised the full difficulty of her position, and of ours.’ He broke off for a moment, frowning; his eyes were on her face, but she wasn’t sure if he was really seeing her.

At length he said, ‘I can also see now that it would be very wrong in me – unconscionable, in fact – to press my suit at such a time. What I want above all things to do, but must not yet, is ask you if you would accept me, if only we could resolve these matters so that your sister stands in no danger and is able to live her life as she pleases; if such a perilous scheme somehow became unnecessary, and you could choose freely.’

She looked up at him. His words kindled a warm glow within her, but she should not allow herself to be melted by it. ‘Dominic, I can’t say… don’t ask me to. I cannot put all this trouble out of my mind for long enough even to consider such a question. I am aware that we are in such a bind that it paralyses all thought, and furthermore the nature of our acquaintance has been so very short, and so peculiar…’

‘I know it,’ he said, smiling reassuringly. He took her hand and pressed it, and she squeezed back gratefully. ‘It has only been a few days, has it not, and now this fresh start? Forgive me – I should not even have mentioned it, since to mention it is to assert it and to urge it upon you.’

She shook her head. ‘There is nothing to forgive. You have had a great deal to bear, and now this. What shall we do? I cannot puzzle it out now – my head is spinning so – but in the meantime, is there anything to be done? Oh, how I wish my mama was here to advise me. She is so wise, and it seems to me that we have great need of wisdom.’

‘Should we summon her – or, better yet, since such matters cannot safely be set down on paper, shall I go and fetch her? It would be a matter of two days only that I would have to leave you, I dare say, or just a little more.’

‘It is kind of you to offer, but I do not think we should. She still has her book to write – the urgency of making a living does not, unfortunately, go away just because of the extraordinary difficulties we find ourselves in. And I must think it weak in me not to try harder to find a solution for myself.’

‘For ourselves,’ he said. ‘You are not alone in this, my dear. And I think, you know, now that you have put the matter in my mind, I must speak to my own mother. Not seek her advice, necessarily, but certainly to tell her.’ He saw that her face was clouded with yet more anxiety and said gently, ‘I would not dream of sharing your sister’s secret, I promise you. I would not tell her why your masquerade has been necessary. But even if we should in the end decide to go through with this lifelong imposture – and my mind misgives me greatly over all the serious implications of it – I cannot countenance deceiving her in this fashion. Not forever. I have not always been entirely honest with her, our relationship has not been the easiest, and I do not wish to create further barriers between us now. I must believe your sister does not ask that of us – I’m sure, for one thing, she would not expect you to attempt to hoodwink your own mother in such a way.’

She sighed in agreement. ‘No, even if it were possible, which even Maria must admit it is not. Mama would never be deceived for as much as a second, and I would never think to attempt it. She has not deserved such treatment from me. Having said that of my mama, how can I ask such a deception of you, towards yours? It would be beyond cruel and unfair.’

‘Thank you! I will go and see my mother directly – there is no sense in delaying. And we should leave this place, in any case. Have you some engagement tonight?’

‘I expect so, but I am not going, even if my aunt feels well enough to accompany me, which I doubt she will. She knows that Maria is safe now, but nothing more, and so she is most distressed at her refusal to return and set all to rights, as she sees it. I will plead the headache, should it be needed. Indeed, I am almost sure I feel one coming on.’

‘I’m not surprised. I am conscious of a great sense of oppression myself. I’m sure you will be the better for some rest. Shall I call for you tomorrow, early – shall we ride together? Perhaps things will seem clearer in the morning once we have both slept.’

They agreed that they would meet again the next day, and Sir Dominic escorted her home, kissing her hand as he left her and giving her a very speaking look. She smiled tremulously at him and hurried to seek the sanctuary of her chamber. Unfastening her pelisse and throwing off her bonnet and half-boots, she flung herself onto Maria’s bed and gazed unseeingly at the faded silken canopy above her.

Her head was pounding in earnest now; there would be no need to feign a headache. Rack her heated brains as she might, she had no idea what in the world they should do. Could it really be true that there were only two options open to them: to commit themselves utterly to a lifetime’s deception and a sham marriage, or to reveal some version of the truth and thus betray her sister, with all the grave consequences that might bring? If there was a solution for this riddle – and her mama had brought her up to believe that there was always an answer to be found for any problem, if only one applied one’s sense and intelligence to the matter – she could not imagine what it might be. She groaned, and rolled over to bury her face in the soft pillow and seek the blessed oblivion of sleep.