Page 76 of A Face in the Crowd

Neither of us speak for a while. I pinch the webbing on my hand again but nothing happens. I’m not sure if I even feel the pain. Everything’s numb.

‘There were no toilets at the station,’ Ben says. ‘It was basically just a platform. I was in this café over the road when the crash came on the news.’

He leans backwards and the swing bounces back and then forward. It feels as if this is all he’s going to say; as if this is an explanation for everything.

I turn and stare sideways at him.

‘Why didn’t you call?’ I ask. ‘Or come home? I don’t understand.’

He bites his lip and turns to face me. I can see the subtle differences in his appearance now. There are gentle lines around the corners of his eyes and more of a crease to his lips. Age comes to everyone.

‘The reason I was seeing the investor in the first place is because I was out of money. I actuallydidcall you – but hung up before it connected. I had no idea what to say. It was going to come out sooner or later that we were broke.’

‘We?’

Ben doesn’t react at first, but then it comes: ‘I had this weird moment of clarity,’ he says. ‘That this was my way out. I had a bit of cash hidden at Mum’s house – but that was it—’

‘Your mum knew?’

He holds up a hand to stop me. ‘I met a guy in a bar one time when I was away. He reckoned he was a private investigator. I thought it was a joke but I’d kept his card for some reason and then I saw it all clearly. I didn’t want to let you down any more. I waited until Mum was out and then went and got my money. I used that to pay the investigator and he sorted me out with a new driving licence and some other things. As long as I had the money, he didn’t bother with many questions. I think he’d done it before.’

I’ve turned away but, when he pauses, I can sense him wanting me to twist back. I ignore him for a few seconds and then the tug is too much.

He waits until I’m looking at him and then says: ‘It’s not like Itriedto fake my own death. It just sort of…happened.’

‘Are you joking?’

‘No.’

‘Things like this don’t just happen.’

I twist around in the swing so that my back is to him.

‘Luce…’

‘Don’t call me that.’

He says nothing and then I feel the fury boiling. It’s like I’m going to be sick. ‘Then what?’ I spin, rotating back towards him. ‘You had what was left of our money.’

He shrugs. That damn shrug.

‘I moved,’ he says. ‘I started again. I’d learned my lessons about day trading. I made money second time around. I took fewer risks and it started to come together. I pooled my money with some people I found online and we made a decent profit.’

‘You’ve been doing fine all this time, while I’ve been struggling withyourdebts…?’

‘It wasn’t’

‘I didn’t owe any money. You took loans out in my name.’

‘If you’d just’

‘If I’d justwhat?’

‘That’s in the past.’

He clamps his lips together but I feel like I need some sort of answers.

‘Where did you move to?’ I ask, hoping for something.