Page 32 of A Duchess to Unravel (The Devil’s Masquerade #3)

CHAPTER TWENTY

THREE DAYS LATER

“ M ay I ask how it was, Your Grace?”

Theo slowly pulled herself from her thoughts. She had completely forgotten that she had been in conversation with Mrs. Mackenzie. With effort, she turned her head from the window she was seated by and gave an apologetic look to the housekeeper.

“Do forgive me, Mrs. Mackenzie, I am not feeling myself. What is it you are asking?”

She needed to be sure, because the first thing that came to Theo’s mind was the night she’d spent with Alistair--the night she’d given him everything.

It was also the last night she’d seen him.

The next morning, she had woken up in his bed alone, a note left on his pillow, stating that he’d been called back to Caldermere on urgent business, and she was to follow him at her leisure.

Theo had never dressed faster or had her things packed in such an expedient time that day, wanting to get back to her husband. Yet even after she had arrived back in Caldermere, she had not seen Alistair. It seemed every time she went to him, she had just missed him, according to his steward.

Why had he not simply awakened her and taken her with him? They had shared such an intimate night. Not just with their bodies, but with their emotions. She had thought … she shook her head, feeling herself be pulled into her thoughts again.

“London, Your Grace,” Mrs. Mackenzie explained with a kind smile, then laughed lightly and shook her head, “Though it is not my business, I suppose. It is just that we have been so busy these last couple days I realized I had not inquired on your time away.”

“Oh,” Theo breathed, then sat up straighter on the window seat.

“Well, it is not an improper question, Mrs. Mackenzie and I appreciate your concern,” she replied. “I believe it went quite well. It was lovely to see my friends and brother again.”

“And His Grace?” Mrs. Mackenzie asked, “How did he fare?”

Theo closed the book in her lap, giving up on it. She hadn’t been able to concentrate on the story anyway, even before Mrs. Mackenzie had come to speak with her.

“Well, I suppose,” she answered. Then, unable to deny her own curiosity asked, “Why do you ask? Has he said otherwise?”

Mrs. Mackenzie’s expression reflected a bit of worry, even as she smiled.

“In truth he has not said much,” the head housekeeper replied, “He has barely been present since his return to Caldermere. It was just strange, is all. In the past he’d always made time for a cup of tea with Mr. Mackenzie and me to discuss what he’d missed while he was away.”

Theo’s curiosity grew deeper.

“He did not do so this time?” she asked.

Mrs. Mackenzie shook her head.

Theo nibbled anxiously on her bottom lip. For the past three days she’d been trying to tell herself that she did not miss Alistair. That his distance was not an issue and that his absence was a taste of what her freedom would feel like.

“I am just a silly, worried old woman is all,” Mrs. Mackenzie laughed, shaking her head as she waved a hand through the air.

Theo mustered a smile and shook her head.

“Not at all,” she replied. “You have been with your master a long time. It is natural to worry over someone you’ve known for years.”

“Bless you for thinking so, Your Grace,” Mrs. Mackenzie replied, then smoothed her hands over the skirts of her gray dress, as if brushing her emotions away.

“Now that you have entertained a silly old woman, shall we get back to our original conversation?”

Theo smiled awkwardly as her shoulders rose up to her ears.

“Forgive me, Mrs. Mackenzie, I have completely forgotten what we were discussing,” she apologized. “My mind is … well it seems to be all over the place.”

Mrs. Mackenzie gave a single, firm nod and then curtsied.

“Very well, Your Grace, allow me to stop pestering you. I shall take to the tasks you’ve given me. Just one more thing. Steaphan is planning on roasted stuffed quail with root vegetables this evening.”

Theo’s brows rose in alarm, not at all sure what such tasks were and had already forgotten she’d given them. Still, she nodded, and said, “Yes, that sounds quite fine.”

“Would you prefer to have your dinner brought to your rooms or shall he set the table?”

Theo paused, thinking on it a moment. She adored Steaphan’s cooking and now understood why Alistair had taken such issue with English food.

With him gone these last three days though, Theo’s appetite had faded again and she had not eaten the few meals that had been delivered to her rooms. Feeling the sudden urge to want to obey her husband’s command again, even with her lack of appetite and his absence nagging at her, Theo made her decision.

“I shall sup in the dining hall this evening,” Theo replied.

“Very well, Your Grace,” Mrs. Mackenzie replied, then took her leave.

Alone in the library once again, Theo eased back into the window seat cushions and stared out at the bucolic view that was the Caldermere countryside.

She found herself searching for Alistair among the swaying fields and meadows, and once more, lost herself to her conflicting thoughts for the next several hours.

Theo was uneased by the flutter of happiness she felt when she walked into the dining hall later that evening and found Alistair already seated. He too, seemed startled to see her, and a clumsy smile touched his lips as he rose from his chair to greet her.

“You look well, Theo,” he said in greeting.

Theo felt her nerves stand on end. His eyes, as usual, had swept over in blatant appreciation.

Yet their meeting felt stiff, wrong somehow, after all the intimate moments they had shared, for him to greet her with such awkward politeness.

Still, she fought through the feeling and offered him a smile of her own.

“As do you, Your Grace, ” she replied, adding emphasis on his title, hoping to settle them back to their usual banter.

Yet Alistair only chuckled stiffly and waved a hand toward the seat to his right.

“I did not know we would be joining one another for dinner,” he said after a servant helped her be seated.

“Neither did I,” she replied, feeling the tension between them grow. She chose to venture toward ending it.

“Though, I am quite pleased to see you again,” she added, her tone warm. “You have been busy, I take it?”

Alistair nodded stiffly as he lowered his eyes to his plate, focusing on the quail before him.

“Indeed.”

Theo waited for more. She had grown accustomed to Alistair explaining his days, allowing her to question what she did not know and offer suggestions on what she did. More never came, though. Instead, Alistair picked up his knife and fork and began carving his meat into small bites.

Theo watched him for a moment, wondering where her sudden feelings of worry and insecurity were coming from.

He had not said anything dismissive or impolite, and yet she could feel something changed between them.

Deciding to face the issue head on, she picked up her own utensils as she said, “I feel as if something has changed between us.”

Alistair’s knife scraped suddenly against his plate, and he stilled. Even his chewing had stopped. She looked at him, her fork raised and poised with a speared bit of potato and waited until he raised his eyes to her. His swallow seemed forced, uncomfortable, then he sat down his utensils.

“How do you mean?” he asked.

Theo reached for the explanation she so very much wanted to say, yet could not bring herself to speak.

We were drawing closer to another. We were forming a bond of sorts. Now it has stopped. Why? What have I done wrong?

Feeling her bravery wane, Theo just shook her head.

“I do not know,” she said softly. “I just feel as if something has changed.”

Something like pity flashed in Alistair’s blueish-green eyes, but it quickly passed, and he offered a smile that seemed forced and not at all sincere.

“I believe our plans are proceeding as we wished,” he answered. “I am making my way through my work, you have provided me a shield from the mamas of the ton, and I have settled the issue with your stalker. I would say all is going quite well.”

Theo was relieved that the confident, somewhat cocky air of authority had returned to Alistair’s tone, but still, something did not feel quite right.

Tentatively, she reached across the table and placed her hand over his.

Alistair’s eyes darted to hers immediately, and her heart warmed as she saw that fire she now adored spark once again in his eyes.

“I never properly thanked you for taking care of that issue for me,” she told him.

Alistair’s thumb smoothed over her knuckles as a fleeting smile traveled over his lips. He then shook his head and brought her hand to his mouth.

“You do not need to thank me, little kitten,” he said, then kissed her knuckles, “I only gave what was promised.”

This time Theo’s smile was warm and genuine, and she let loose her tense posture as she heard her pet name. Perhaps things were all right after all.

The hope quickly vanished, however, when she freed her hand from his and moved to caress his cheek, only for him to move away from her touch and straighten in his chair. She slowly pulled away from, suddenly embarrassed by her own forwardness, and felt her shoulders and back stiffen yet again.

“Speaking of promises,” Alistair went on, going back to carving his meat into small pieces.

“Have you given any thought on where you want to live after our deal has concluded? You are welcome to stay here, of course, but if it does not suit you, I want to be able to acquire whatever property you wish.”

Theo was not ready for the ache that slammed into her heart upon hearing his question. It stole her breath and blurred her vision. She sat back in her chair, trying to pull in the sadness that had suddenly flooded throughout her.

“Theo?”

Alistair’s voice sounded distant and echoed as Theo fought to draw in a breath.

“Theo,” he repeated, and she felt his hand slide over hers. “Are you quite well?”

“Theo,” Alistair repeated, concern rising through him.

He moved quickly out of his chair, kneeling at her side as he reached for both of her hands.

Their reunion had been awkward, yes. He hadn’t planned on staying distanced from her for so long.

The intimacy of their last moment together had alarmed him, frightened him even.

Yet he’d thought they’d been making their way back to a familiar place when Theo suddenly went pale and stalk-still in her chair.

She wrested her hands from his, blinked, then moved out of her chair, stumbling away from him as she did so.

“I am fine,” she breathed.

She wasn’t though. She still looked far too pale for Alistair’s liking and her eyes still had a wild, lost look to them that had him on edge. He took a step toward her, and she hurried back.

“I should leave,” she said, her tone flat.

Alistair went to take another step toward her, but he stopped himself and tightly gripped the back of her abandoned chair to keep himself in place.

“What? No, that is not what I am saying,” he ventured. “I just wanted to know if you were comfortable here.”

Theo shook her head, stretching a hand out as if telling him to stop.

“No, you are right. We have accomplished what we both wanted. There is no need to keep this charade for another month and a half.”

Charade.

Alistair felt his heart still at the word. His grip on the back of her chair tightened, the wood creaking under his force.

That was what this was, wasn’t it? What it always had been. And Theo had just made it clear that she was ready for it to end. He reached for words but found only mournful silence in his chest.

“My brother,” Theo said, at last breaking the tense silence, “He has two other houses. I believe he still owns his bachelor estate in London. And our family home in the country. I shall confer with him, see if I am able to take up residence in the country.”

“No!” The word left his lips with emphasis he could not hold back, stilling the conversation yet again.

This was not what he wanted.

“I--I mean,” then silently cursed. He never stammered. Never was afraid to say what he wanted.

He drew in a shaking breath, willing his body to regain control. Even if it felt as if his livelihood was slipping through his fingertips.

“What would the ton think?” he managed to say in a fairly controlled tone. “If you were to be spotted at one of your brother’s estates. It would undo all the work we have accomplished.”

Hurt flashed through Theo’s eyes and sent another spear into Alistair’s heart. How was he supposed to give her what she wanted when she would not tell him?

“If you truly feel that you must go,” he pushed forward, “at least stay in one of my homes. I inherited the Caldermere country home along with everything else. You could go there.”

Tears welled in Theo’s eyes, breaking his heart even more. He wanted to wrap her in his arms, demand to know what was going on, but his hands stayed firmly planted on the back of her chair; his knuckles turning white.

“Very well, then,” she said at last, her tone breathy and weak. She wiped quickly at her eyes, looking almost angry as she did so, and swallowed.

“You will not mind if I have my friends come stay with me. I am in need of their company.”

Alistair bowed his head, shook it as he leaned on the chair.

“Of course not,” he murmured. “Whatever you wish.”

Theo gave a terse nod, sniffled, then swept her hands down the skirts of her mint green gown as she raised her chin proudly.

“Very good,” she said, her tone stiff. “I believe I am no longer hungry. If you will excuse me, I would like to retire now.”

“No,” he said, too quickly and far too sternly. He winced at his own force and corrected his tone.

“I mean--Theo, you did not eat. I have not been able to join you for breakfast and have no proof that you have been nourishing yourself. I command you to stay and finish your plate.”

As Alistair stated the words, he reached for the ability to make her obey, for the ability to care for her in the few ways he knew how. Yet as Theo shook her head, he knew what power he’d held over her was gone.

“Our bargain has concluded, Your Grace,” she stated coldly, taking another step back from him and turning away. “I have no need to obey you anymore. And you certainly have no need to protect me. I bid you a pleasant evening.”

Alistair let go of the chair with a shove, ready to reach for her and make her sit.

When she turned her head back to him, though, the warning glare in her now cold, blue eyes brought him to a complete stop.

His hands fell limply to his sides as he saw a deep void within her, and he watched silent, resigned, helpless, as she turned away from him, and left the room.