Page 35 of A Deviant Spinster for the Duke (The Gentlemen’s Club #3)
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
“ W hat is the matter with you?” Valeria blurted out, finding her voice at last. “Are you quite sane? How… how dare you, Duncan. How dare you do this to me!”
Anger was the simplest feeling, closest to her grasp. It rasped out of her, spurred on by the shock of what had just happened.
“Do you expect me to clasp my hands together and swoon?” she continued in a breathless fury. “Do you think that your declaration is… is… at all welcome?”
Duncan swayed to the motion of the carriage, his demeanor unnervingly calm. “Whether it is welcome or not, dear Valery, is neither here nor there.”
“Excuse me?” she gasped, narrowing her eyes.
“What I mean is, I came here with no expectation,” he answered softly. “I ran to you because… it was necessary. I rode through the days and the nights to you because I would not be able to forgive myself if I did not. You were asking for my help, at the meadow. You wanted me to ask you to marry me, and I should have. Not out of obligation or as a favor, but because I loved you already. Love you still.”
She sucked in a sharp breath. “I was asking no such thing. I wanted no such thing.”
I did, with all my heart. I do, even now.
“Do you remember that night—that I meant to tell you something, but we were interrupted?” he said evenly, a sad smile teasing the corners of his lips.
She squinted in suspicion. “Yes.”
“My brother was a perfect man. He would have been your perfect match, if he were still alive,” Duncan said haltingly. “All my life, I have tried to compare to him, and when I realized I could not, I… lashed out. I became a wild thing, out of stubbornness and hurt and frustration. He used to warn me that I would ruin myself, but I ignored him, and when he died… I had no anchor at all, no one to attempt to nudge me back onto the straight and narrow.”
Valeria cleared her throat, refusing to allow any sympathy into her voice, though she felt it keenly. “I do not know how that pertains to me.”
“I did not trust myself to love you, Valery,” he explained. “I was a wretch who grew bored easily, who swung from one amusement to the next, feeling nothing, trying to smother my loneliness with vices.”
Valeria scoffed, turning her face away. “ This rather feels like a fresh amusement.”
“It is not,” he replied, an edge to his voice. “When I began to love you, I did not recognize the feeling. It is new to me. It… frightened me, and though I wanted to ask for your hand, wanted fiercely to be yours and to make you mine, I was certain I would make a mess of it. That I would break your heart.”
Breathing hard, as if she was the one who had journeyed all night, Valeria fiddled with the sleeves of her wedding gown, craving distraction. If she looked at him, she would not stand a chance: she would fall in love with him all over again.
“Breaking your heart would kill me, Valery. I do not exaggerate when I say that, but… it took me some time to understand what that meant,” he continued. “It means that I am determined to begin afresh, to be better for you. My loyalty to you would be unbreakable, I swear that faithfully, upon pain of death. My love for you, too. But, as I say, I came with no expectation.”
Against her better judgment, she turned back to look at him, her heart soaring at the sight of his warm, nervous smile and his extraordinary blue eyes, gleaming with hope.
“I have treated you unjustly,” he said. “I have, by all accounts, turned your brain to porridge. I have toyed with your heart, when all I wanted to do was keep it safe. So, if you never wish to see me again, I will leave without protest, and I will remedy the chaos I have caused. But never be in doubt again that I love you, and will continue to love you, whether you are at my side as my wife or at Roger’s side as his viscountess.”
Valeria blinked, a strange laugh trying to push upward from her chest. “Who said you had turned my brain to porridge?”
“A rude little bird,” Duncan replied, smirking.
Beatrice! What on earth did she say a thing like that for? A flush of embarrassment warmed Valeria’s cheeks, but she urged herself to hold his gaze. She need to see his sincerity, search his face for any deceit or trickery.
She found none.
“Can I trust you with my heart, Duncan?” she asked bluntly. “Are you certain of yourself now?”
He nodded. “I do not need to be my brother. I just need to be worthy of you, and if you agree to marry me, I promise I shall spend the rest of my life adoring you and only you, doing all I can to make you as happy as you make me. And, of course, making up for my earlier tomfoolery.”
Drawing in a shaky breath, Valeria held back the confession she longed to give, needing to reveal a few truths of her own. “Marrying me is no simple matter, Duncan.” She paused. “I never did tell you the reason for my haste in finding a husband.”
“Either you have a secret scandal that is about to be announced to society, or your father is suffering financial difficulty,” he replied with a smile. “I can remedy either. My brother was a sage man of business, putting many securities and arrangements in place before he passed, and I have an excellent advisor who has ensured that my fortune remains considerable, even through my wildest days.”
Her jaw dropped, coaxing a laugh out of him.
“I mean it, Valery. I will do anything to aid you, if you would consent to be my wife. Even if you do not agree, I will give your father whatever money he needs, in case you think my proposal comes with conditions. I would not want you to feel pressured into marrying me.”
“It would be the easiest thing in the world,” she whispered, barely realizing that she had spoken her thoughts aloud. “You are the only one I have ever… thought of marrying with any want at all. Just now, I imagined it was you waiting at the altar for me.”
Hope flared in his eyes, bringing him over to her side of the squabs, his hands taking hold of hers.
“I love you, Duncan,” she murmured, the words so weighty, so life-altering, that she could not say them any louder. “I do love you, but…”
His brow creased, as if in pain. “Be blunt, my love.”
“I love you, I would relish nothing more than marrying you, but… there is one thing you must do before I can accept your proposal,” she said, charmed by the sight of him bracing himself for rejection, when that was the farthest thing from her mind.
He brought his hand to her face, brushing his thumb across the warm apple of her cheek. “Name it, my love. Anything. If you wish me to run naked through the streets, shouting apologies to atone for all of my bad behavior, I will do it.”
She laughed; she could not help it. Indeed, she was quite dizzy with joy, hardly able to believe that he had asked for her hand, that he loved her, that he was right there, promising her the future she had dreamed of.
“Nothing so scandalous,” she said, her laughter fading to a hiccupping chuckle. “I will instruct you once we reach Campbell Hall.”
He smiled, searching her face, reaching up to pluck something from her bonnet. “You wore it to your wedding...”
“I thought I was reminding myself why I was marrying Roger,” she replied shyly, trying to take the feather from him.
He held it to his heart, shaking his head. “You kept it.”
“They say a raven is an omen,” she said, as he shuffled closer, slipping his arm around her, “but I rather think it is a blessing instead.”
“I will make sure of it,” he whispered, resting his forehead against hers. “Now, my love, may I kiss you?”
She longed to, with all her heart. One tilt of her chin and she would feel his lips against hers, but he had denied her that feeling several times; it was only fair that she did the same, until she could be certain that he would not change his mind.
“At our wedding,” she replied softly, looping her arms around his neck.
For now, the press of his brow against hers would have to be enough.
“What a cruel game,” he purred, smiling. “But you, my love, are a prize worth waiting for. That being said, I must insist we marry as soon as possible.”
She chuckled breathily, nestling into his embrace as the carriage rattled on toward their future. Together. An impossible dream, coming to life, adding her to the charmed ranks of the lucky and in love.