Page 112 of A Court of Thralls and Thorns

“I know where my room is,” I told the courier when we neared the barracks. My voice was firm, but my insides felt like they’d been carved out with a dull blade.

He didn’t argue. Just gave a curt nod before turning back toward the castle, disappearing into the evening mist.

I stood there a moment, staring at my door. I knew what waited inside—questions, suspicions, worried glances, and whispered conversations I wouldn’t be invited to join. They’d ask about the summons.

But I didn’t have answers. And the one person who might’ve helped me… Well, he had disowned me.

You are nothing now.

Cyran’s words twisted like a knife in my chest. My father—the man who had trained me, manipulated me, used me—had finally tossed me away like a broken weapon. Discarded. Forgotten.

Solei wouldn’t be allowed to speak to me. Everyone I had grown up with would turn their backs, forced to pretend I never existed. My only family—gone.

And here? Here I had nothing but suspicion hanging over me, like a sword poised to fall.

I turned away from my door, unable to face my squadmates yet, and climbed the narrow ladder leading to the battlements. The wind was brisker up here, biting through my jacket and numbing my fingers.

I leaned forward against the edge, looking out over the beach below. My room was just beneath me, and for a moment, I imagined what it would feel like to fall—to have a single moment of freedom.

You wouldn’t fall,a bitter voice in my mind whispered.Kaelith would save you—if only to remind you she owns your life.

I exhaled shakily and closed my eyes. The pain in my chest felt too big to hold. It wasn’t just Cyran’s betrayal. It was everything—the constant fight to belong, to prove I was more than just a pawn. The memories I’d tried to bury resurfaced, dragging me down.

I thought of Remy—the way his smile could pull me back from my darkest moments. His laugh, warm and familiar, echoing through my mind like a melody I couldn’t forget. He was the only person who had ever loved me. The only one who saw something in me worth saving.

And he was gone.

I had to believe that if Remy had lived, he would’ve chosen me. That he would’ve walked away from the Order, no matter the cost. I clung to that thought, desperate for something to hold on to.

But I’d never know for sure. That was the cruelest part.

My breath caught, and I felt the tears before they came—hot and unrelenting. I couldn’t remember the last time I cried—maybe when Dalila died. Or maybe when Remy had.

But this—this hurt worse. There was something uniquely brutal about being abandoned by a parent. By knowing they’d chosen to leave you behind.

I pressed my hands hard against the stone, grounding myself in the cold sting of it. I wouldn’t break—not here, not now.

I have no one.

The tears hovered on my lashes, burning against my eyes as I swallowed hard, determined not to let them fall. I couldn’t cry—not now. Not when there was no one left to hold me afterward.

Rider, your pain vexes me.

Kaelith’s voice slithered through my mind, smooth yet sharp, like heated steel gliding over ice. I closed my eyes, exhaling slowly.

I’m fine,I lied.

You are a terrible liar.Her tone softened—not quite kind, but something dangerously close.You ache like a creature starved. It makes my scales itch.

I almost laughed—almost. Instead, I swallowed against the lump in my throat and leaned back against the cold stone wall.It’s nothing. It’ll pass.

This is not nothing,Kaelith said, her tone firm now.But you are not without strength. Rest. Let the day end—tomorrow you begin anew.

I shook my head, fighting the bitterness curling in my chest.And what if tomorrow’s worse?

There was a pause before Kaelith’s voice returned—quieter this time.Then you fight through that one, too.

I breathed out shakily, closing my eyes. The weight of my grief was still there, but somehow, Kaelith’s words cut through the worst of it.