Page 30 of A Bride for the Wicked Highlander (Daring a Highland Laird #2)

“ O h, love!”

Those two short words circled around and around in Oscar’s head as he watched Maddie tremble in the aftermath. She glowed with an inner light that could only be heaven-sent, a bright angel that he had tied up so that he wouldn’t be burned for the sin of touching her, being touched by her.

I shouldnae have listened to ye, Ryder.

Claiming her would remedy nothing. Claiming her would only hasten his descent into the beastliness of his father. He’d thought it might be the solution, to rid himself of an infatuation, but he was wrong.

With his former lovers, it had merely been an itch that needed scratching. He could tie them up and take them to his bed and feel nothing, his time with them filled with an intangible distance.

His heart was nowhere to be found on those nights, the acts little more than an extension of his hours in the training yard. And the women, too, shared that same distance and absence of any heart’s involvement.

There’d been the occasional few who thought they could end the night as a potential bride, but once they began to indulge his particular tastes, it was as if they could feel that detachment. By morning, they no longer wanted to be his bride, seeking out someone who could make love to them instead.

But you...

He wanted her, that was no secret, but it was more than that.

He wanted to make love to her, giving everything of himself, and seeing her give everything of herself in return.

He wanted passionate, slow, all-consuming indulgence that could last days, the likes of which he’d never experienced before.

He wanted her to lose all control in his bed, and for him to lose all control for her. And not just in the bedchamber, either.

This, he understood more clearly now, was precisely how madness and obsession began. He had thought he was already obsessed before, but he’d been able to restrain himself. Now, he was barely hanging on to what control he had left.

It’s too dangerous for ye, love. For me to love ye would be the end of ye.

Indeed, he sensed there would come a point where there would be no turning back.

He would reach a level of obsession where he would snap a man’s arm for simply shaking her hand.

And seeing her gasping and glowing like this, so beautiful it hurt, he knew it couldn’t be much further until he reached that point.

“Cut me down,” she murmured, smiling. “Cut me down so I can touch you, my dear husband.”

He’d thought that tying her up would be a clever compromise, so that her touch couldn’t unravel him and render him incapable of resisting her, but it hadn’t worked at all. If anything, it had made it worse. But he couldn’t just leave her there, nor could he allow her to touch him.

He untied the knot in the rope, and stepped back, needing that distance or he wouldn’t be able to say what needed to be said. “Our rule should stay,” he said quietly. “There’s nay sense in consummatin’ our union now.”

“Pardon?” Her eyes narrowed as she rubbed her wrists, little bands of pink showing how hard she’d strained to try and touch him.

“That’s why I came to yer tower tonight, to tell ye that we daenae need to continue this,” he said, each word a barb in his mouth.

“Now that yer parents ken that we’re wed, ye’re in nay danger anymore.

Ye can return to Horndean, be a tutor there, be closer to yer friends.

Mr. Fallow can teach ye there instead; it’s far closer to Edinburgh, so I doubt he’d mind. ”

A tear began to well in Maddie’s eyes, furiously brushed aside. “You’re not doing this to me, Oscar. We have a deal, and I haven’t yet upheld my end of it. You won’t send me?—”

“Ye said ye wanted me to take care of yer education before ye gave me an heir,” he interrupted. “Mr. Fallow said it’d take two years. We can revisit the terms of our marriage, our deal, then.”

Her breathing became ragged, and not in the delicious way it did when he was running his tongue over her bud. These were the short, sharp breaths of barely restrained anger.

“Consummation is what makes a marriage real in the eyes of the law,” she said tartly. “If you don’t claim me, then I’m not your wife, I’m not your Lady, I’m not yours at all.”

He bristled, that taunt like a dagger twisting in his heart.

To add insult to injury, she grabbed the two sides of her torn nightshirt and pulled them across herself, hiding the majesty of her bare body from his view.

Showing him as well as telling him that if he would not take her, then she was not his.

Before he could stop himself, he grasped her arm and pulled her to him, breathing hard.

“Ye’re mine in every way that matters, lass,” he growled.

“Ye scream me name when ye come apart to me touch, yer body answers to me command like it was made for me, ye moan for me when ye’re beggin’ me for yer release. I’d say ye couldnae be any more mine.”

“Why bother to be when you seem so intent on keeping your distance from me? I won’t be going anywhere unless you tell me why you keep pulling me in and then pushing me away,” she replied, breathing as hard as he was.

“Indeed, what you say and what you do rarely seems to match, so tell me what all of this is about!”

He gazed fiercely into her eyes, the filament-thin thread of his resolve snapping in the face of their extraordinary beauty, flashing with such pain. Pain that he had caused after giving such pleasure.

“Fine.” He shook his head slowly. “Here’s the truth, Maddie.

I cannae keep ye near because I cannae trust meself with ye.

I cannae be near ye and have ye for meself, because I’ll clip yer wings, lass.

I cannae care for ye, cherish ye, love ye, because the kind of care I can offer comes at a steep cost. It’ll ruin ye. ”

She tried to pull her hand free of his grip, but he held on, just to prove what he meant.

“What is that supposed to mean?” she retorted, though she ceased her struggle.

He grabbed her other hand and held them up to her face, showing her the marks that the rope had inflicted. “ This is what it means, lass. Me faither’s love killed me maither, and I willnae do the same to ye.”

“Killed?” she croaked, her gaze flitting from the friction burns to his face.

“Nae with a weapon. It was worse than that.

“He drew in a shaky breath, beginning a story he hadn’t told in a long time.

“Me faither loved me maither from the moment he saw her. Kenned she’d be his and pursued her ‘til she was.

Everyone said what a remarkable pair they were, possessed of the kind of love that most dream about.

“But me faither didnae just love her; he loved her to the point of madness. He became possessive, controllin’ every little thing she did, lockin’ her away, killin’ men for lookin’ at her, punishin’ her for even speakin’ to the stable boy about her horse, all while callin’ it ‘love.’ He even hated me and Ryder, jealous of the attention she gave to us instead of givin’ all her attention to him.

Eventually, it was her who told us we couldnae see her much anymore, said we needed to concentrate on trainin’ instead and bein’ good sons for our faither. She did it to spare us.”

Maddie had fallen silent, no longer trying to pull away from him, her eyes creased in consternation.

“After me faither locked her away permanently for huggin’ a friend—a lady, nay less—I used to sneak into her room,” he continued, “to bring her food and tell her about what me and me braither had been doin’, just to keep her company.

One night, me faither caught me there, and me maither paid for it.

The next mornin’ she had bruises on her face and wouldnae let me come in.

Me faither still insisted it was love, that he wouldnae have done it if he didnae care so much, and all that sort of delusion.

I still tried to see her, but she’d always refuse to let me in.

“When I was eight-and-ten, she died. Withered away from loneliness and sorrow, so exhausted with the life she had that she gave up on it. Me faither took his own life at her funeral—wouldnae even allow her peace after death. I vowed that same day that I wouldnae ever be like him, but then ye came along...”

Maddie blinked, slowly resting her palms on his chest. “Oscar, you would never hurt me. I’ve let you tie me up twice because I know you would never hurt me.

And that’s without mentioning what you have done to save me from my family.

Even when you didn’t know me, you did everything you could to protect me. ”

He wished she was right, but he’d felt his madness, and she hadn’t.

“Obsession doesnae come all at once, lass,” he replied evenly. “Like I said, me maither and faither began like a dream, and ended as a nightmare. She made excuses for him. She didnae see the truth of it until she was locked inside a room.”

“Oscar, you–”

“I wanted to slam Brodie’s head into a wall at our wedding, for dancin’ with ye,” he interrupted, shaking his head.

“I wanted to snap yer tutor’s arm like a twig for shakin’ yer hand, congratulatin’ ye.

All the men at our weddin’—I wanted to gouge out their eyes for starin’ at ye, when why wouldnae they?

Ye’re the most beautiful lass anyone has ever seen. Indeed, I already killed for ye.”

Maddie grasped fistfuls of his shirt. “But that wasn’t jealousy, Oscar. You saved me.”

He noticed she’d chosen to ignore the rest, driving the last nail of his decision deeper into his heart. She was already making excuses for him, just as his mother had done for his father. She wasn’t seeing the beast in him because she didn’t want to.

“And can ye be sure it willnae be jealousy next time, that sees a man dead at me hand? Because I cannae, lass, and as ye said after our weddin’ festivities, ye’re nae a clairvoyant,” he said darkly.

“For pity’s sake, I ruined our weddin’ festivities.

Ye didnae have the day ye deserved because I couldnae tolerate one of me own councilmen dancin’ with ye! ”

“I did it deliberately,” she said in earnest. “I knew it would provoke you. And I–”

“Stop making excuses for me!” he rasped, stepping back, her hands falling from his chest. “I vowed to protect ye from everythin’, lass, and that includes from meself.

So, go back to Horndean. Stay far enough away from me.

Seize yer freedom, because if ye stay here, ye willnae have any.

It might nae be tomorrow or next week or even next year, but I’ll end up like me faither.

Ye’ve claimed me mind; it has already begun. ”

Maddie’s eyes glinted with tears, her eyelids flickering in an attempt to hold them back. It was the last thing he wanted, to be the cause of her tears, but surely it was better for her to cry a few tears now than a river of them later.

Her mouth opened and closed, no sound emerging. Her brow furrowed, as if she couldn’t figure out why she had nothing to say. No doubt, she thought she should fight for him, but one couldn’t fight a battle that was already over.

“Go, Madeleine,” he urged quietly.

Her expression hardened, her chin lifting in defiance. “You leave first,” she said coldly, gesturing to the door. “I have to pack, and I don’t need the company.”

Oscar took one last look at her, wishing he could see her smile instead of her glare. His heart heavy with regret, he gave a nod of respect and left the room.

The choked sound of a stifled sob that followed him down the stairs was a spear through his back, and it took everything he possessed to keep walking.