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A part of me needs to know as I feel my heart start to dip, as I feel myself start to fall back into the old familiar tingling rush of a crush. It’s heady and exciting. And terrifying, because I know better now how impossible this is.

But I force a smile. “I guess our past is why we work, huh?”

Thankfully, he finally lets go of my hand now. Finally lets his serious expression melt into a playful grin. “Yup, and maybe it’s why you’ll let me steal part of your dessert?”

I laugh in relief at the more familiar mood and nod. “Sure.”

As dessert is served, I keep my light and friendly smile in place. But under the table, my fingernails are digging painful divots into my palms.

It’s all I can do to keep my entire body from shaking. I really screwed up. I’ve fallen for Moon Minseok all over again.

When the dinner shoot ends, I escape.

I duck into the elevator before anyone can call out to me.

I can’t believe I’m so weak. How could I like Minseok again? Or maybe I never stopped liking him. Maybe I just got really good at being in denial about my feelings because he hurt my pride so badly four years ago.

“No, it was just the moment,” I say aloud to myself as I push into my room. “It’ll fade now.”

“What will fade?” Hongjoo asks from the desk.

I stumble back into the closing door, clutching at my heart as it almost falls out of my chest. “Eonni, you scared me.”

“Why would you be scared to see me?” She eyes me suspiciously.

“I just didn’t think you were in here,” I admit. I wonder if I can escape into my room and avoid more questions.

“You look pale, are you okay?” She starts to stand, like she intends to inspect me closer.

I search for a plausible excuse to stop any probing. “You know what, I forgot my phone downstairs.”

I race back out before any more questions can be lobbed at me.

On the elevator, I stare at the floors, wondering where to go now. Finally, I press the third floor, where the gym and indoor pool are.

The gym is way more crowded than I thought it would be. And the moment I walk inside I see Hanbin. I spin around, ducking my head to avoid him when I hear Minseok call out. “Hyeong, did you bring water?”

My whole being tenses at the sound of his voice. I hurry across the floor, ducking through the door to the indoor pool.

A big sign is pasted there, saying the pool is closed for cleaning today.

Good, then no one will come in and bother me.

I just need a moment to myself. I’ve had eyes or cameras on me all day.

I walk to the pool, glancing down at my own watery reflection. The girl looking back at me looks frazzled. She needs a true break. But, since I don’t have that luxury right now, I’ll take an hour alone instead. I sit at the edge of the pool, taking off my sandals to let my feet dip into the water. It’s colder than I thought. I suppose they turn off the heat if it’s closed for cleaning.

I press my hand against my heart. It feels like I ran a mile instead of across the short gym floor. Is this really how I’m going to start reacting from just hearing Minseok’s voice? What if this doesn’t go away? I’ll be screwed. There’s still over a month left ofOCM. And I’m pretty sure the company won’t let me cancel the contract due to “an inconvenient resurgence of my old crush.”

I kick at the water and it splashes high, falling at the hem of my skirt.

“Oh no!” I scramble up in fear of ruining another dress. And my hand accidentally swipes my sandal into the pool. “Why?” My shout echoes back at me, filled with all my frustration.

I lean over the edge of the pool, reaching desperately for the sandal. I almost get it, but I feel my balance tipping and I pull back with a small scream. Unfortunately, the move pushes the shoe so it floats even farther out.

“Come on, please, don’t do this,” I beg, though I’m sure if the shoe could reply it would probably tell me to screw myself. That’s the luck I’m having right now.

I try to get it again, using the other sandal to lengthen my reach. I’m straining, holding on to the edge of the pool for balance as I just brush against the sandal.