Page 80

The instant my skin touches her fur, an explosion of luminescence leaps from the doe, filling the entire vicinity with brilliant light. I bring my hand back to shield my eyes, but the blinding display does not diminish. Confused, I stagger back a few steps.

And I laugh. “Belwyn, she’s a sola.”

I can’t tear my eyes away. Her entire body has been transformed by the all-consuming blaze. Intricate designs blossom across her cheeks, down her neck. Ribbons of gold unfurl like a carpet, filling the creek bed with a river of flame.

My joy escapes in a torrent of tears. I approach her again, laying a hand on her beautiful muzzle. She does not pull away but remains as if awaiting instruction. Gently, I bend her head down and draw near, closing my eyes and pressing my forehead to hers. Incredible warmth causes every bit of cold to run to the extremities of my body in great waves. Something swells in my chest, something I’ve never felt at this potency.

Hope.

I breathe in the intoxicating air between us one more time, turn around, and dry my eyes.

“Belwyn, can you believe—”

The words evaporate on my tongue.

He is on his knees, his tall frame curled in on itself, face buried in his forearms, fingers lost in his thick hair. Heaving motions shake his shoulders as he drags in breaths like he has been held underwater.

I rush to help him, kneeling and ignoring how the frigid water begins to seep into my dress.

“What’s wrong?” I lay a hand on his back.

His body jerks away from my touch, and as his arms lower, his eyes fix on me with an undeniable expression of anguish.

“I ... I can’t ...” He shakes his head too fast and pinches his eyes shut. “It was ... I can’t ...”

My hands find his—icy cold. I kneel right in front of him, shielding him from the sola’s intensity, clutching his hands firmly between us. “It’s alright. You’re alright.”

He shakes his head faster and tries to curl up again. I let go of his hands and use mine to hold him up by his shoulder and to keep his face from turning away from me. “Tell me.”

The tremors threaten to break him loose, but I will not let him go.

“You wouldn’t look at me again,” he says between breaths.

A prick of doubt punctures my optimism, but I stay firm.

“Belwyn,” I whisper, and his eyes finally see mine. “I’m not going anywhere.”

No change takes place in his tormented expression, but slowly, he raises a tremulous hand and grabs my fingers that rest against his cheekbone. An encouraging smile begins to form on my lips when his eyes darken, and he drags my hand down.

“Not even if I told you I killed a sola?”

I can’t help it. I pull away from him, my hands falling limp into my lap. “What?”

He rests his palms on his thighs and leans into his arms. “I killed one. Just like that”—he motions with his chin to the doe behind my back—“except it was a buck.”

Tears pool in his eyes as he watches me draw further and further back.

I don’t mean to.

“I didn’t want to do it. I told myself I would stop it from happening. And it was just ... there. On top of me. And I ...” His hands ball up against his trousers. “I killed it.”

Before I know what I’m doing, I’ve risen and walked back to the sola, still waiting for me with the intelligence of the ancients brimming in her eyes. I lean forward and whisper in her ear, gently nudging her toward the forest stretching to the Askonnet Mountains. She steps away slowly at first, but soon bounds up the bank and disappears into the trees. After a short while, her light fades from sight.

When I turn around, Belwyn is no longer in the bed of the stream. Panic flares in my heart. I scramble up the slope and locate him before he passes out of my range of vision.

“Belwyn?” I cry, desperation pinching my voice.

He turns around, pain etched across his features. “Yes?”